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I have always been a happy person all my life but I have lost who I am thanks to allowing myself to be run by a controlling man for 10 years. We always did everything he wanted to do, go where ever he wanted to go. He drove me and picked me up from work every day, if he saw me speak to another male i was accused of sleeping with him even if he was a 60 year male customer from the retail job i worked at (Service station). I was caught up in the love bubble and chose him over my friends because he didn't like them. I was always looking over my shoulder all day every day just watching out for him so i wasn't doing anything to anoy him.
He had anger issues but always blamed me for him going off even when i knew I had nothing to do with it, and his parents told me its easier not to argue back to him to not make things worse. The emotional mind games telling me how fat and ugly I was, if we ever broke up that no one would want me drove my self esteem through the floor. When he got angry his eyes turned black and I feared for my life. It took me a long time to leave to which I did 2 1/2yrs ago. Fear from him and his family has caused me to live with the thoughts that they will come for me and harm me even though they haven't.
I have moved 2 states and have times where I can be at work or anywhere and I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, hot flushes, tingly in my hands and feet and feel like I'm going to faint. I have never experienced this before. I was put on antidepressants from my doctor but i don't want to let this rule me. I know I'm not alone, so putting my story here I'm hoping will help me and others.
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Hi Scorpio80, welcome to the forums.
I'm sorry to hear all this, it's brave of you to share your story. He, sure has got some problems, sounds like he has never faced his own issues and thank goodness you are out of there. You mentioned the antidepressants, are you seeking any therapy? It would make sense that you would need some support to recover from this, you deserve that and your GP should be offering some psychological help. You don't have to go this alone and some good help will make a big difference.
Talk anytime
Jack
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Hello Scorpio80 and glad you have found your way to BB. This is a very supportive place so well done for coming here.
Your situation is the sort that hits the news over and over. Have you thought of contacting a domestic violence support network, a social worker perhaps at Centrelink, or if you are scared enough, the police? It sounds like you need some support and advice as you are so frightened of this man and his family. What about ringing Lifeline for support, they may be able to give you some other places you could ring to find help?
I did have the nasty experience of having a man stalk me once and I found the police were superb, they immediately found a woman police officer to help me and they dealt with the man immediately.
I hope others will come along with some advice, I will check in again if you want to talk. You are welcome to find your way around the forums here as it's very supportive.
Do think about ringing a domestic violence service or something like Lifeline. I think they could at least give you some contact phone numbers to try. As I said, I'll come by probably tomorrow if you need to talk.
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Scorpio80,
I should have added that your self-esteem must have taken quite a hit from all the abuse you have suffered from this man - and emotional abuse is very damaging - and I am sorry you have been through such an awful situation. Good on you for at least getting away from him and the situation as best you could.
It's no wonder you're depressed and anxious. I think a counsellor or support person of some kind could really help any issues you have after all this abuse. You'll also find plenty of supportive people to chat with here on BB if you decide to stay on and use all the forums available here. It's very safe here. I do wish you all the best.
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Welcome Robert
im not diagnosed yet but I think I most likely got depression and definitely anxiety for sure
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