In need of space

[yagnamaitreyi]

Hi,

I am at a point in life where I have to transition from being a single independent woman to living with a life partner and his family. I am feeling anxious about this as I am a person who absolutely loves my space and doesn't like the chaos and drama involved in the family. I'm a thinker and an ideal space setup for me is a desk, a notebook and a pen. I could spend hours working in office or in my study area doing my artistic work or studies. My partner understands this and he is very accommodating to my needs. That is why he suggested me to move in with him for sometime to see how it goes. I think I will be able to manage living with him but the real challenge would be to live with his family and I don't speak their language. I fear being left out and not being myself any more around them. I fear losing my space. I also love spending time with my partner but I find myself wanting to spend time with myself more so that I can recharge and give my best to my partner.

I see married people around me and most of them say that women have to adjust and sacrifice. This dialogue is a bit disturbing for me. I have no problem adjusting but all I need the most is my space. I think I'll need my own space even after being a mother. I don't know if I'm being reasonable here but for me my self protection and self preservation matter the most. Is it wrong to want my own space even after being a wife, daughter in law and a mother? How do I develop my personality so that I can live with a life partner and his family? How do I tackle this great turning point of my life?

[Petal22]

Hi yagnamaitreyi,

Wellcome to our forums!

I understand your concerns.

I understand it would be difficult to move in with a whole family when you don’t speak the same language it would be difficult.

Can just yourself and your partner move in together?

I understand wanting your own space , it’s important to have your own time.

Can I ask why you would be asked to move in with your partners family ?

I don’t think that woman have to adjust and sacrifice it’s totally up to the person and should be vice versa for the man or woman.

A loving relationship is between two people and both should come to an understanding of how the other wishes to live. Nothing should be forced…. It needs to be comfortable for both sides.

[Smokysolo]

I think moving in with a whole family would be stressful for anyone. I moved in with a boyfriend for a while after uni, but his family lived very differently from mine, and it was a huge change for me.

Living with a partner can be amazing though. My husband and I are both creative and love to get on with our own projects, we just check in with each other and it's actually awesome to have a supportive and trusted person around to bounce ideas off and get feedback from. It sounds like your partner understands your needs and would respect your space when you need it. But that's what is so great about a trial - you both get to see how it would work in reality and what adjustments you might need to make.

For the record, I didn't have to sacrifice anything when I moved in with my husband. I gained valuable and supportive company, and someone to do the laundry for me!

Good luck.

[yagnamaitreyi]

Hi Petals,

For now it will be just me and my boyfriend moving in together. He owns a house and I'm currently living on rent. Because he owns a house it makes sense for him to ask me to move in with him. But later during the year his parents and his brother would also be moving in with him. It is important for him to support his family as they will be relocating to a totally new country. I understand that there would be a lot of adjustments for them to get accustomed to this new country and they will need my boyfriend's constant support. My fear is about my mental health getting affected amongst all these. It will be too much chaos for me and I don't know how I would tackle this.

[yagnamaitreyi]

Hi Smokysolo,

This gives me a ray of hope. This is exactly how I want my life with my partner to be. I only wish it could happen like that.

[Petal22]

I understand yagnamaitreyi, it would be a huge adjustment for you….. with the family moving in.

I also understand your boyfriend’s reasoning wanting to support them..

I applaud you for thinking of your mental health I understand that this would be confronting for you.

Maybe you could keep your own space for longer and when the family moves in you could visit and spend the weekend with them and then go back to your place… this way you could slowly adjust and get to know them.