Im lost

[Corella]

Hey

I dont really know where to begin. Ive gone over everything in my head. Im lonely. Im 40 and single and never had a proper relationship. Ive been a good person. Ive been nice to people. Ive ended up alone no friends. Im tired. Ive struggled with depression, anxiety, ocd and being a good person. Wheres my return for all my struggles, wheres my love, children and happiness. Im 40...im depressed and don know how this can improve.

[Corella]

Hi guys thanks for your replies.

FL. Im not seeing a doctor presently. I will make an app to see my counsellor i think. Im glad to hear you have accepted things. I have trouble accepting. I feel ive not done enough. I hate dating. It always ends up as nothing serious. No one ever liked me enough to chase me either and im tired of being nice. At work i have little will to talk to anyone let alone go on dates. I watch others younger than me getting hitched and prego. Hope to at least find someone. But if not...well what then. Nothing ill have to accept. I hate wasting time being sad though im miserable. I went on a date late last year. It was strange. I was attracted i dont think he was.

Tasa u give me practical ideas. Starting is a problem. I feel a tad better this week ill try to make a list.

Mms thanks for ur story and good for you. Still i see the struggle u went thru. It sux being used. Hope u r now enjoying things more.

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Corella,

I’m so glad you replied. I was clearly having an “up” day when I last responded. The last 2 days I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom again. Found out my ex has a new girlfriend. It’s funny how you think you’re over something and that happens and all those feelings of not feeling enough come flooding back.

All I can think of is “why not me?” I know it is unhealthy and me being a miserable git certainly isn’t going to attract anyone new into my life. I just wish I could turn off the feelings for him so I could move forward. He blindsided me when he dumped me and I’ve never gotten any closure or understood why. I think that’s why I’m stuck.

So whilst I’ve accepted I probably won’t have a kid, I still have a lot of work to do on accepting breakups, accepting loneliness, accepting having to do everything on my own. It is a struggle to say the least.

Tomorrow is a new day for us both, I have to have hope that there is endless opportunities out there and that the best is yet to come. Let me know how you go with your counsellor 🙂

[Corella]

Feelinglonely, i am sorry to hear that and it usually goes that the selfish ones go forward with ease it seems... to me u sound like a warm and intelligent person and i hate hearing stories like that. Yes its unfair..why not u ? I hear you clearly. Frustrating. How did u find out , was it a recent b-up? hard to forget ppl. I got ghosted and still think of the guy ..10yrs later. Do you have some friend or family there, do u work ? Yes things will be better and then down again and so on.. in the meantime have a cuppa...for me a cuppacino helps.

I dint know how to adress lonliness yet..seems a modern day problem i hear more about it on telly..

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for replying Corella. We split about 8 months ago. It was u expected and I was blindsided. I always had this strong feeling that we would end up back together. I realise now that it was all false hope on my part. I can’t explain it though, I’ve always felt connected to him still. I found out via social media - it really is the enemy sometimes.

I know I need to take this as a sign to put my focus and energy back on me but it feels like I’m reliving the break up all over again. I’ve shed too many tears over this guy and I know I deserve better... wish my heart would believe that though. I guess that is what creates that internal battle. My head is saying get over it, but my body and heart feel like they are so broken. That is what I’m struggling with, letting go. I know it’s not a competition yet I feel like I’ve lost. 😞

[Jamie3]

Hi Corella

I am 32 and am married with two children. I still feel lonely and depressed. I think depression, anxiety and any mental illness is non discriminatory. I often get told by people that i should be happy and that i am lucky to have what i have. I am lucky, I am appreciative but i am also lonely and depressed. So i feel for you, but don't think that marriage or a relationship or children can fix this. In saying that, all you can do is put yourself out their and be open.

[Corella]

Sovial media is just harsh. Over all its fake. Its hard to see exes on there. Its painful. But it will pass. Maybe u will reunite who knows really... I think we have to have hope to certain limits. again i dont have experience with relationships. 8 months isnt long, did he just leave any reason?

Jamie thanks...yeah thats a good point. Mental illness is hard in any case. Do you have anxiety or something else? Ive had anxiety and depression and ocd and it affected my lack of relationship. I dont know how i would be in a relationship now. Maybe i will feel better or not.

[Jamie3]

I have general anxiety disorder and depression. I really think it’s more to do with chemical imbalance than environmental for me. But I’m fortunate enough to have found a patient and understanding wife. So I hope you can find someone that understands you 🙂

[Corella]

Jamie3 thanks. Sounds like u have a good wife lovely. hope ur doing ok.

Feeling Lonely how r u doing? Hope u r ok.

im doing ok. Feeling like a bit calmer but have a bit of anxiety.

[rdfreak]

Hi. Yes, I feel very similar as well.

I can't keep a boyfriend and I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I feel like everything I touch fails and I don't always make good choices.

Though I don't have advice to offer, just wanted to let you know you're certainly not alone; I know that helps me.

Best

[Corella]

Hi! It helps to know others have same feeling. A lot is out of our control. Ill have to try change my attitude ...its hard but just try. 🙂I wish you and all the other ppl here only the best.