I nearly forgot about this.....

[where_is_real_me?]

I am returning, I think it's been 4 years since my first post, would like to think I took on the advice given to me? I feel stuck, again.

4 years, long story short, I've been trying to survive, push through my life but finally, I got a diagnosis of GAD and ASD, that's been helpful because I feel like myself but did it take almost five stages of grieving myself to get here, yes! I am proud of myself, my journey wasn't easy but like my username, where's the real me?

I am in my late 20's now and after awhile, I'm on the right medication for my anxiety and it works, has it made me feel better, yes! I started at a new job last month, so happy & excited to get back into working.

Two weeks ago, I woke up, feeling like I can do this! except that night, I've broken down, crying & I felt so emotional that nothing could help.

When to my doctor, next day and I felt like I wasn't taken seriously as before, they said they aren't going to change my medications but can link me with both a psychologist & psychiatrist and I should reach out for help by posting here again, too.

I feel down, so emotional that I feel like I might lose my new job as I've can't work in this state, I don't feel like leaving the house but I force it and I pay for it, feeling unwell by it.

I've got appointment, tomorrow for an mental health assessment and I hope it goes well. I was fine, then I wasn't, really don't know what has triggered it, this time, especially.

[therising]

Hi where_is_real_me?

It sounds like you've done a brilliant job in raising yourself up to this point. It's definitely not easy raising ourself at times, as the process can come with more questions than answers. From my own experience, I'd say raising ourself is a gradual and life long process. Every time a challenge comes up we can led to believe we're going around in circles or cycling through regular periods of anxiety or depression. Only in recent years, upon reflection, I've found it's about cycling up through the revelations that come from those challenges. Revelation after revelation we learn more about ourself. We find our real or natural self in the process of raising ourself or cycling upwards.

You could ask 'What is this cycle about? What is the revelation I'm going to graduate through or move up through this time?'. With your doctor suggesting possible guides, who could guide you to better understand what it could be about, the next question (on your quest) could be 'Are they the right guides for me, under the circumstances? What type of guides would possibly suit me the most? Could they be on the Beyond Blue forums instead, such as people who've already graduated through similar circumstances and can relate to how I feel? Could they be people who can help me make sense of the emotions I'm feeling?'. While some of the emotions you're experiencing may feel like anxiety, could they actually be new emotions you've never met with before? The question could be 'What am I really feeling in this case?'. For example, 'Could what I'm feeling be a rise to courage?'. How to manage all the emotions that come with a rise to courage? Could the challenge partly be about managing to become more courageous? If we've never had to strategically manage becoming more courageous, some research can be the call. Google searches could be a start or some YouTuber who's brilliant when it comes to guidance in the way of developing courage.

Mixed emotions can also be challenging to work with. Not only do we have to make sense of our emotions and how we're feeling them at times, there can also be the need to address emotional overwhelm or exhaustion that can come about from being able to feel so much. What are our upshifts about and what are our downshifts about? Some could say 'The real me is a sensitive person who can sense all the shifts'.