I'm new to this

[Leestarr]

Hi everyone ! 

My name is Nikki. I'm 22 years old and just become a new mum to my beautiful baby girl Amethyst.

I've been struggling anxiety on and off through the past years. Half of last year til now has been the worst.

I feel completely embarrassed what I'm about to say but here we go.

I live with my partner who is 19 and my baby girl who is 5 months. Where I live I have no family and friends, they're about 4 hours away.

I'm pretty sure I have anxiety and depression because I've noticed what I do which is..

I rarely ever leave the house. I'm scared to go to the shops or anywhere by myself. I can't make a phone call or pick up the phone. I have panic attacks in large groups. I just stay at home all day. I stress a lot and feel very worthless nearly every day. It's upsetting because I was never like this before I became pregnant. I was a completely different person but I don't want to blame my daughter for this, she is seriously the best thing ever in this amazing world. I can't explain my love for her and for my partner as well. 

Im upset and embarrassed because I'm meant to be a mum and I have to be a role model for my daughter. How can I do this when I feel like a freak and weirdo all the time because I'm just not a normal person because I don't act normal? I feel like I'm trapped and I just need to get out of this, I want to be normal, I want to be other to do things and live my life. I feel like I'm all worthless and I can't do anything about it.

My partner gives me so much support and has now helped me to go on medication, an anti-depressant so I'm taking that at the moment. We have fights now and then and I think it's because of my moods, anxiety and how I'm always feeling. I feel that he deserves so much better but I do try my best. I think he is just over seeing myself upset and crying all the time and I have explained to him about this and he completely understands. 

I'm thinking about moving back down to family and friends later on just so I can try and get my life back on track and kinda chuck myself in the deep end so I can stuck doing normal things again and not being so scared of everything.

I really appreciate the time you have taken to look over this. I hope you're also getting your life back together as well. We are all strong and can do anything. I would really appreciate some advice and help as well. Thank you (: 

[ci]

Leestarr

I'm to sorry you having hard time it can be so hard becoming a mum believe me I know. Hormones and everything changes after baby born. Do you see counselor or anyone as well as taking meds? Helps to talk things out.

I have 3 kids had my first when was 21 after each one I noticed I changed. 

I struggle with shopping and leaving the house somedays being around people can be hard for me.

I thought would get better on its own but it didn't best thing was getting therapy it has helped hugely. I'm still on a Rollercoaster of ups and downs but at least I'm having ups. That's huge improvement. I've found it helps to push myself a bit try and push past my anxiety.

If you can move closer to support that might be an option if it's possible for you and your partner.

Before you make any big decision I would really recommend that you see phycologist or counselor talk through everything.  You can get help from medicare with a mental health plan from your doctor  to make it more affordable.

You are not alone all us mums struggling with our feelings at one time or another. 

[Bluey_moon]

Hi Leestar, and a very warm welcome to BB. 

Ci is very wise and has given you some great advice, with which I fully agree! 

Do you have some one you could invite over for a coffee or something? Or maybe a small mothers group you could manage. 

I am so sorry you are going through this! 

You do sound like you are blessed with a wonderful partner and baby. 

Please keep talking to us on here you are not alone! 

Skye

[geoff]

dear Nikki, can I congratulate you on having a lovely baby girl, so exciting and so much joy as she will start to
develop as she begins to start talking, I've seen this with my 2 little granddaughters, and the youngest is still
trying to get those extra words out.
Your daughter should be taken out with your head hanging high, proud as punch, to show the public what you have created
with your partner, and if you feel as though you may need to get back into shape, this will happen over time.
I just love walking with my eldest granddaughter who is almost 4, with her tiny hand clasping onto one of my enormous
fingers, just one, and if I don't hold her hand she comes over to me and tries to grasp my finger, which I really love,
just take it slowly by going out for 5 minutes a day, then 10 mins a few days later and so on, I'm sure people would
love to hold or tickle your beautiful daughter.
Have pride in what you have created and try and realise that along with this then confidence will come with it. Geoff. x

[Elizabeth CP]

I second what others have said. You owe it to yourself & your family to get professional help. This included medication (which can take time to find the right one to suit you), counselling and sometimes practical help so you can get the rest you need to aid recovery and to rebuild confidence which has been  shattered. Many new mothers have problems but you don't see it as they are hidden in their homes unable to get out until they get help to recover. It is also not a reflection on you as a person or a mother. Some friends & relatives have had similar problems and & are the nicest people & once recovered fantastic mothers & wives. If you had pneumonia or some other illness you would accept medical treatment and extra help to enable you to recover. This problem is the same It is due to hormones & chemicals affecting you so you don't function as you do normally

[blondguy]

Hi Lee

Congratulations on the birth of Amethyst

The feelings (symptoms) you have now are awful...some excellent ideas above that will help you.

Treating the anxiety as a physical ailment is spot on and its good to see that on here (Elizabeth:-))

Anxiety actually is chemically based which does make it a physical issue ...the symptoms are only feelings that yes are awful but are temporary and even though it takes time and effort will stop being so frequent.

Well done on letting meds help you too...They will help you find a better 'balance' so you can heal.

I have had anxiety and depression for over 20 years...and it does get better Lee....My daughter is 23 and my symptoms have not effected here upbringing or development...Geoff is spot on here....You deserve and should be so very proud of your wonderful Amethyst 🙂

We are here for you...please let us know how you are traveling (if you wish) It would be great to hear from you

Please be 'Gentle' with yourself

Kind Thoughts

Paul