I'm new here and wondering if I belong?

[BelleG]

Hi. This feels like a big step for me but an important one. I'm here because feel adrift and emotionally exhausted. Maybe it is time to reach out and find out how other people cope? This isn't easy for an introvert like me but maybe it will help to know I am not as alone as I feel; maybe there are other people in the same boat as me? The thing is, I've been getting messages from the people around me that I am my own worst enemy, or I'm just feeling sorry for myself. But am I? I truly feel as if everyone relies on me, but no one actually asks 'How are you coping??'

[Mark Z.]

Hi BelleG,

Welcome to the forum!

You're brave and it's definitely a right decision to come here and share your story.

People here are caring, willing to listen, give advice or share their lived experience.

Trust me you're not alone, there are other people in the same boat.

If you feel comfortable, please share more details of your story.

Mark

[Amanda2000]

Hi BelleG,

Welcome! You are certainly not alone. I am in the same boat for sure. I'm an introvert too.

Talking to my loved ones only makes things worse. They don't seem to be compassionate at all.

At the end of the day, we ourselves need to try out various coping strategies and see what works. Definitely not a simple process. Also I don't think there's real fix. It's all about ongoing management.

I'm listening if you would like to talk more. Take care.

[Doog]

Hi BelleG,

Welcome! You are not alone. I come here for comfort every so often and am always overwhelmed by the support and the friendly advice which is helpful. I am currently in a program for my drinking problem which came out of nowhere (as it seemed) as I was already fighting the demons of anxiety. I am also an introvert, have no friends and live alone. I have adult children who are social and successful so they lovingly just make fun of me.

I know how it feels when family don't actually "get you" and they think you are still that person who runs around and solves everything, without realising you are struggling internally. After a senior death in the family my siblings thought they were "busier" than me and expected me to do all the paperwork and organising.

My drinking and going into recluse mode just got worse, so all I can suggest is reaching out to a suitable organisation that meets your needs. I certainly feel like I finally have a "buddy" in my personal program, where we can discuss my meds versus the drinking and how to overcome that.

I always thought I was educated enough to methodically work through everything. I realised when your brain chemistry is altered, you no longer have the full control you thought you did. You must get help to assess what strategies you need to disconnect from whatever has changed your situation to "uncomfortable'.

It may be as simple as no longer being a "yes" person, standing up and saying, (what my siblings told me LOl)

"hey we have got a lot going on down here, very busy right now"......

Take a step back and don't be used for what others seem too busy for. You are busy too remember, looking after your own affairs, having rest time, quiet time.

Hope this helps

Make you number one for now if you are struggling

[Petal22]

Hi BelleG,

Well come to our forums.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

We are all a very caring supportive community and we are here to listen to you.

Please tell us more when you are ready.

[therising]

Hi Belle

I feel for you so much. You sound so triggered and exhausted and understandably so. Some of the triggers that tend to set me off include ones you mention: When someone says 'You're your own worst enemy' and 'You're just feeling sorry for your self', grrrr! Let's throw in a 'You're too sensitive' just to boot. Being a gal who's easily triggered at times, I can really feel those ones. Do you find it questionable that no one follows up with these observations in a constructive way? Constructive would sound like 'You're your own worst enemy but I going to raise you in ways where you'll grow to fully love yourself while feeling like your own best friend'. How about instead of 'You're just feeling sorry for yourself' you heard 'Do you know why you're feeling such sorrow for your self and which part of your self you're feeling sorrow for?'. Far more caring. Being the rasier of others, like your are, people should be working to raise you.

While I might sound like an intolerant easily triggered ranter, this aspect of who I am was developed beyond my years in depression. While in depression I did feel great sorrow, I did feel like my own worst enemy and I definitely felt completely lost amongst it all. Beyond depression, I began to analyse things more objectively. I came to question 'What in hell (and it was hell on earth) were the people around me doing to raise me out of that place?'. Some folk tried a little to make a difference but, in general, it felt like the majority were kinda keeping their fingers crossed that I wouldn't be so moody or that I would somehow miraculously 'snap out of it'. I think only those who feel or have felt depression can relate to the hellish nature of it and how hard you gotta work to manage it as well as managing all the ways you make an effort to try and come out of it.

These days I've come to rely heavily on my feelings as a compass. I can feel people bringing me down and/or exhausting me, leading me to 'head south'. Hope the following inspires. If I say to someone 'I can feel you bringing me down' and they respond with 'No I'm not', I challenge with 'No, you're definitely bringing me down because I can definitely feel you doing it'. Belle, I can also feel 'a raiser'. Such people have such a light feel to them. They're not heavy and there's a brightness to them that radiates a warmth. You have that warmth Belle.

How do you feel about making demands when it comes to how others need to start serving you better?

[BelleG]

Oh my Gosh! I got so involved with trying to stay ... sane ... that it was only yesterday when I remembered this Forum. Well, in a way, that might have been a good things because then I was blessed by all these astonishing replies. THANK YOU everyone. I am so glad I logged on and I won't forget to log on again tomorrow! (Or even later today...)

[BelleG]

My Story. It seems, I seem, so foolish. I'm a Baby Boomer, first person in my family to get a tertiary education, but also married early and had three kids between September 1977 and September 1980, so my 20s and 30s were busy. I returned to work in 1982, part time, and then changed jobs, but not my profession, I just worked in different sectors.I was never really happy or satisfied with my work of family life. My husband was (is) a good man but he is 7 years older than and we sometimes seemed a generation apart. I always wanted to be a writer and I 'dabbled', doing some classes and workshops ... and I love learning. I have an insatiable desire to work out the world by trying to use my brain. I went back to Uni in 2004 (creative writing my dream) and went to PhD level but

while working on that I left my 32 year marriage (my kids were devastated). For two years lived alone and, apart from the grieving process I was in my element. Then I met a man, also creative, and very talented and we ended up going to the theatre together, moving in together, buying a house together and going to Europe in 2017. But when we returned I discovered he'd was having an 'emotional affair' with a woman 40 years his junior. The saga of her (obvious) rejection of him, his breakdown when she blocked him on social media, and the threat to his considerable reputation meant I became his designated 'carer', effectively caring for someone grieving the loss of a very dodgy 'relationship' He's gaslighted me, manipulated me emotionally, and I wish I could simply walk away but I don't want to lose 'our' house (I paid for half of it upfront), I am frightened of being homeless and just really angry and depressed by the unfairness of it all. I've been so down for the last 3 years I've lost friends of 40 and 50 years and feel really flat a lot of the time. Thank you all, again, for sharing your stories. I am sorry I can't reply to all of you ....

[BelleG]

Hi There. No one has said I have warmth to me before, it is a strange but nice notion. I guess I started caring for others when I was very young. my mother suffered from depression, but refused to seek help.I was either walking on eggshells around her or looking after her when she was, as she called it, 'upset'. So looking after people is ingrained. And so, making demands of others feels out of character, dangerous (my mother often blamed me for causing her 'upsets') and asking for trouble. Given the reason, as described in my story, why I am depressed means my 'demanding' my partner stop seeing this 'friend' for coffee and not texting her all the time resulted in me feeling as if (as he told me time and again) that I was the problem. I wasn't the problem, I am not the problem. I need to say that to myself until it sinks in ...

Thank you.

[Mark Z.]

Hi BelleG,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I'm so sorry for your experience. It must be very hard for you. But I believe that you're right, you were not the problem, you are not the problem. You're just a very kind person, this shouldn't be a problem anyway.

You mentioned that you couldn't leave your partner, because you're worried about being homeless. Are you still with him now? What's your current status?

You used to be very brave in chasing your dream, which is to become a writer. What I want to say is, it's never too late to do so. We always need some light in our lives, getting back to our initial dreams may be the best way.

Mark