Hello LQ23
Apologies for the late reply and I am wondering how you are doing today?
I have been thinking about some ways in which you can make "ok" moments during the course of the day and how to navigate your way through this, see sometimes we get so caught up in having a "great" day or a "fantastic" day that we miss small moments that make us smile, or even just stop us thinking. Sometimes just an "ok" moment in the day is the best reminder that we are going to be ok, we are going to get through these times and that they will not last forever. There will be brighter days and I am so glad that you acknowledged too that you are not a bad person, that you know this to be true also. If by making a bad choice in life it made us a bad person, well I think every single one of us would be "bad".
I am wondering too if you are actually allowing yourself some "good". What I mean by that is that I hear you say how worried you are about your parents reactions and your daughters reactions, that you feel like you have let every one down. So in feeling like this we sometimes feel like we are not deserving of "good" or even "ok" moments in the day, would you say you feel like this?
I am so happy you are feeling confident in your lawyer and that they are providing you with support and guidance and that you feel good about that, that is so wonderful to hear.
I will share with you some small things that make me feel good, or make me smile, and I might also add that I have only really found these things lately as if you had of asked me, maybe even a month ago "what makes you happy"...I don't think I would have known..in fact..I did not know. I am not talking about happy in the sense of "my kids" or "my cats" but things that talk to my soul and make me genuinely feel alive and feel good.
So maybe some time to meditate on this, take some time to sit with yourself quietly and ask yourself "what makes you feel alive LQ23?"..the answer may not come straight away but in time and if you keep doing this I am hopeful that you will have even just one thing..for me it is being here, and I mean that with every ounce of my being. I found chatting here gives me a huge sense of purpose, of being able to feel like I am supporting and caring for others, and when I do that it makes me feel so alive and so purposeful.
Looking forward to chatting some more to you LQ23
Hugs
Sarah xx
