Hi Toby
Wow, you've both got a lot going on! When everything seems to be coming at once, it's hard to sort it all out. I find the best way to deal with issues is individually. It can be hard to separate the problems and the emotions that come with them but every issue has its own specific management plan in many cases.
If the pregnancy meant a lot, that is a major blow. Having experienced 2 miscarriages in my life, there are definitely elements of grief to journey through at a healthy pace that suits the both of you. By the way, don't let anyone tell your girlfriend that she was only 4 weeks pregnant, loss is still loss (I understand).
Of course, the situation with your ex and your daughter would be overwhelming. Seeing that relationships help us in defining who we are to a degree, this must present as a challenge - being a father, without the chance to play out that role in some obvious way. I would imagine that investigating your legal rights to visitation would help define your sense of purpose and your role as 'father' at this time. If you're strapped for cash, a bit of initial on-line investigation at this point costs nothing.
There is a lot to be said for management plans in life. Whether someone who's depressed uses strategy simply to step out of bed in the morning or strategy is used in undertaking grand long-term goals, effective management is the key to finding direction. Writing down some basic goals and strategies is a bit like paving the way in the direction of choice. With one step at a time, I hope your path is one that will be joyfully shared with both your girlfriend and your daughter.
Take care Toby
