Hi there,
I feel frozen and unable to do anything, like everything around me is moving to fast and I can’t catch up. I just want everything around me to stop so I can catch up - I can barely focus or concentrate. So I am spending each day basically in bed, sleeping and using what little energy left over to do try and focus to do the bare minimum to keep the house ticking over. I know the way out is to re-engage, but amongst other things I am afraid of facing the consequences of my inactivity for the past 3 weeks (especially with my work and now being faced not being able to support myself and my Neice who is in my care) and part of me seems like it is refusing to commit to helping myself. I have lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life, mainly anxiety as a child but I didn’t know it at the time. I am 43 years old and feel like I keep reliving the same pattern of getting well and then things falling apart, the same mistakes. In some ways it feels like I am sabotaging myself which I find distressing. On a positive note, I did see my doctor a couple of weeks ago and asked for a referral to a psychiatrist and I have been seeing a psychologist on and off for the past 3 years, and just reconnected and made an appointment for next week on Wednesday. I think that signing up here helped me make that phone call to book the appointment with the psychologist. I recognise a lot of my thoughts are the depression /anxiety talking and am warding them off, but it is taking most of me to do so and am not functioning as I need in the rest of my life. Does anyone else feel the same? Or sick of the repeat patterns of ups and downs? Thanks for listening 🙂
