I can relate to so many of these posts, new here too.

[lilly2016]

I'm Michelle, I'm female, and I'm reading through these posts and I can relate to something in almost all of them. I am suffering at the moment too, I'm unsure if I have a job to go to anymore, my anxiety levels are through the roof and I'm a mess. I had an episode at work and now I am sure everyone thinks I'm a crazy person, then I made myself sick and haven't been back since, that was over a week ago, I'm in alot of trouble and find out Monday if I still have a job or not, but I'm so nervous that I doubt I can go back and find out, my mind is racing. My depression started a very long time ago, I manage it okay most of the time, but it's definitely not under control right now that's for sure. I agonise over possible humiliation I will face Monday, I'm terrified. If I loose my job I loose everything and believe you me, that's exactly what may happen. My life just goes around in circles it seems. I've lost several people in my life, the grief I feel is intolerable at times, I suffer from social anxiety so I lack good friends and cannot really share my lifes problems with anyone, if I do try this with someone I find people don't actually really care, so it's very hard, yet my empathy towards other peoples problems has always been a priority for me. This is just the tip of the iceberg in my life of problems and pain, I just hope things turn around and I can somehow find some some happiness and a life turnaround for the better, I haven't sunk yet but my head is just above the water and I can feel myself sinking. Thanks for listening.

[smallwolf]

Lilly,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Although the contents are different, your introduction reminded me of mine. Something in others stories and ours overlapped. I could identify with the other person. I would come to work out that I was not alone. So firstly, you are not alone here, and will be supported by other users.

I can see that you are very concerned about your job. I suspect that you cannot stop thinking about this. Do you have any distraction tools to help you stop thinking about this? There are threads on the forum about grounding and mindfulness might be of interest to you. I guess the question I would ask is... What would you tell a friend in this situation?

And I am very aware that it is hard not to ruminate on negative thoughts. I also picture worst case scenarios. I also found guided meditation helpful, but I also needed professional help. I don't know what happened at your work place but you are doing the same as what I would do. 😞

Does anyone at work know about your mental health? I know you said you didn't have anyone to talk to but what about your boss? Or would that not help?

I hope by talking about it here, you feel a little better. And hope you might come back to tell more of your story. I will be here.

Sending you peaceful and relaxing thoughts,

Tim

[lilly2016]

Thankyou Tim, It feels nice when someone replies to your post whilst you feel like you are at the bottom of a pit trying to dig your way out, thankyou. Yes I'm still agonising over everything, my work situation, life in general, I can't seem to pick myself up. If I don't have a job anymore then things could get out of hand in so many ways. I was stressed went out with an old friend for lunch during work and managed to have three glasses of wine in an hour, I was using wine for self medicating purposes, when I returned to work I was getting a migraine and had two strong pain killers that basically had a bad effect after not eating for two days, I was a mess, my boss knows some colleagues know and God knows who else knows, it was a very bad decision and I will probably get booted for this, almost certainly, the worst of it is the humiliation I have to face over this, the face to face disciplinary action firstly, then facing my colleague's for which are probably whispering around the office, about my huge crying fit. Swearing! and then passing out in the kitchen! What could be worse. I don't want to face this, I don't want to even step foot back inside my workplace, I truly stuffed up, but I should know much better, so now I feel like a bad person that everyone is laughing at, to whom is probably in so much trouble, I have no courage to face the music, none. Thanks Michelle.