How I'm really feeling...

[Taejikook]

For so long I have always put up this exterior of someone who has their life put together, am happy and optimistic all the time, smiley and friendly person. But sometimes it is so tiring to keep up this façade that when I am alone, I often ponder to myself is this really what I am like. To be honest, I just need to vent it out on a platform anonymously because I am too scared to talk about this to anyone. I am already getting emotional typing this out...

I feel lonely most of the time, I don't have many friends that I trust, in fact I have never talked to any of my 'friends' about this because I am too scared for them to think that I am a very insecure person. This also applies to my family as well... I am also stressed and have to fight this alone because I am too proud to let anyone see my weak side, but it hurts a lot. What should I do? I always feel lonely, I am pretty much alone most of the time and when I am with others, I still have this resounding feeling. I have a strong family connection, don't get me wrong, but I don't like showing them this side of me because I don't want it to affect our relationship in anyway. But I am getting tired of this exterior and do not know what to do...

Thank you for reading.

[grapefruit]

Congratulations on finding the courage to share your worries, first of all. It’s not easy to do, even in an anonymous space. I understand the importance of putting up a strong facade, but it’s definitely not healthy to keep these feelings bottled up.

1. Talk to a counsellor. They should be the first point of contact, as they are well trained and educated to deal struggling people.

2. Honest conversation with family and friends. Talking to family will be tough but you will feel much better, even if they can’t help you right away. As for friends, if they are true friends, they will not shame you for being honest, and will try to comfort you. This isn’t foolproof by the way. Some friends are mean and selfish and will not want to be around you, and you risk losing them if they turn out to be this way. Ultimately it’s your decision to make. You may need to find some new friends if your current ones aren’t making you feel happy or comfortable.

3. Find a way to express your feelings. This can be through a whole range of media. Do you like to write, journal, draw, sing, dance? Or maybe some other activity? Finding an outlet for self expression is important so you don’t feel like you are always working to suppress your feelings.

Hope this has been helpful to you 🙂 have a good day

-grapefruit

[PamelaR]

Welcome to Beyond Blue Taejikook.

I really know about that exterior you put out to everyone - being happy, optimistic. Did it for years and years. I'm not a counsellor, all i can do is give you my own experience.

Over time, I have learnt that I am an 'introvert', but can be 'extroverted' when necessary. At work I had to be extroverted. One view is 'introversion' means getting energy from being on your own and 'extroversion' is where you get it from others.

So what does this mean? Well, when being extroverted at work (because it was necessary), one goes home very very tired. Not able to do anything - the last thing one wants to do is socialise with people. This is okay - it is a coping mechanism, a way of recharging batteries, so you can go back and do it again.

I expect that families are the same. I know mine is. I come home completely exhausted and need to recharge. All okay.

It sounds like you need to get some balance. For example trying to limit you interactions with those that drain you. Look for social interactions to help develop more calming friendships - e.g. are there any sports you like? what are your interests? have you thought about joining groups that have similar interests? As an example, over the years, I've been involved in community radio station, folk clubs, folk dancing. I used to swim, cycle, walk. These have changed as I've aged - but that's all good. It's finding what you like.

[geoff]

Hello Taejikook, can I welcome you to the forum and thanks for posting your comment, that takes courage, probably more than you realise.

I know what you are saying, but we don't want you to feel the brunt of this all alone, because pretending becomes exhausting, it actually doesn't do much and certainly doesn't for yourself, except to make out that you are ok, when in fact you're not.

Please get back to us when you can, as you're talking with people who have been in exactly the same situation and there are different ways that can help you to get started.

Can you book an appointment with your GP, they will give you a diagnosis which is important for any treatment and you maybe referred onto a psychologist, but ask them about the mental health plan, this allows 10 free visits.

Once you are able to gain your strength then you will able to communicate with others more freely.

Best Wishes.

Geoff.

[Taejikook]

I feel better reading all your responses as it appears that people have gone through this. Maybe I’m just too stubborn because I’m afraid that I wouldn’t like what I hear from the doctors... I am in the health business// studying to be in health and have the knowledge about mental health kind of scares me that I have some form. I know that I don’t have a really strong stability or coping mechanisms, is there ways I can improve this?

Its hard to make friends because I am very limited in when I go out and socialise, there’s no time for me to do that since I have all these other things going on...

Thank you all for understanding.

[Tams20]

Hi Taejikook & PamelaR

I can relate to what you have both written, I am the same. Have been like this my entire life. Don’t show weakness, dont make mistakes, don’t ask for help, don’t rely on others for anything - make sure everyone thinks everything is under control. It is extremely exhausting putting on an act whenever you’re around other people, sometimes you need to withdraw and gather your thoughts.

I have recently started taking meds for anxiety and depression and have taken down some barriers with some of my closer friends and family. I have been pleasantly surprised that the majority have been really suportive of me. And some of them have also revealed their own struggles with mental health issues. Taejikook, you might find this with your friends and family too!

Tams

[Chatter]

I feel so similar to how you feel. If anyone close is told how I feel, it is opening a pathway from which there is no return and means many people will be hurt. So I just hold it in and cry all the time on my own. Without hope , we have nothing and I just can’t see my relationships improving and feel trapped