Hi

[Macca61]

I am really struggling with life. I see it as 

easier to finish things now than continue. Alit has happened in the last year where my wife wanted an open relationship which I agreed to reluctantly. It only lasted for 2 weekends but I have never recovered and continually have moments of depression with flashbacks. I have contemplated suicide on 4 occasions and just see it as a way to finish the ongoing pain and depression. My wife has been good asking to talk about it and advised it was a fase she went through last year and loves me very much but I think it's just easier to get rid of the pain and depression and let her move forward. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi  Macca61,

Welcome to the forums.  We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, it sounds like it has been a tough time for you over the past year.  We have reached out to you privately to check in and offer additional support.

Thanks again for sharing here. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention and we think they will find great value in your kind and courageous words. You never know who will read your post and feel less alone in their own experiences.

Kind Regards

Sophie M
 

[Petal22]

Hi Macca61,

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way I understand it's so hard when we feel we are struggling.

Please know Macca61 you really CAN recover from what you are experiencing, things will get better for you.

I'm so sorry for the distress you feel from what you experienced with your wife, I understand that this would be so hard for you as her husband.

Have you thought about talking to your gp about the way you are currently feeling?

Sometimes when we seek the help from health professionals they can help us to move forward through things that are causing us distress.

I'm sorry you have been dealing with this since last year it's something that would be so hard to carry alone and to carry for so long.

I'm so grateful that you have reached out to us, we are here to support you.

Please Macca61 stay here with us and seek the help you need to recover you too need to learn how to move forward in a positive way.

Life really can get better for you.

[blondguy]

Hi Macca61

Welcome Macca and thankyou for being  a part of the Beyond Blue Forum family too!

After a being in an 'open relationship' it can sometimes be problematic afterwards albeit only temporary whether for one night...weeks or months. You are not alone with feeling the way you do. I understand the feelings you are going through

Can I ask how you are going? 

we are listening

Paul 

[geoff]

Hello Macca, an open relationship may only be decided by one person and not necessarily agreed on by both people, and can open more questions than you really want and make you feel quite alarmed.

You marry someone to be with them for the rest of your life, so if someone wants an open r/lationship then is marriage the right choice, because you wonder whaty may be hapening when you're not with them.

I'm really sorry this has happened and I would feel exactly the same as you, as a phase wanting this is not what you would expect when you marry the person you love, it's certainly not what you had planned for and even though she has displayed her affection for you, it can be sorted out by  talking with someone by yourself or perhaps with a couple counsellor.

Can we please let you know that we are here for you in every capability to help you to feel better, because it is so important to talk with us as you deserve all the understanding and appreciation to be with us.

Take the greatest care, my friend.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Fiatlux]

Hi Macca61,

I understand and feel your pain. Although my spouse and I have never been in an 'open relationship' my spouse has had affairs and been unfaithful in more ways than just a sexual encounter with someone outside of our marriage. 

Your wife needs to take steps to truly understand how her actions have affected you emotionally. The flashbacks and intrusive thoughts are awful. She needs to try to understand this. Has her short term fling, affair, encounter... whatever you label it, been worth it.

It is almost 3 years since my spouse ending his last affair, this was a longer one, almost lasting a year and I haven't not recovered and probably never will. All the promises and the 'I love you' means nothing to me.

We have had to dig deep and this pandemic bought us back together. He wanted it, he is happier than I am back. I continue to be miserable and distant from him.

We are still legally married, but our marriage ending long ago. We are bad housemates.

Try by asking your wife to read up on how her actions have affected you emotionally. She needs to try to understand your pain. Only then can you move forward together.

The upside is that after 3 years I no longer feel pain.

[Bob_22]

Hi Macca61,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like what happened last year was very traumatic and I can't imagine the impact it has had. 

May I ask, if you are ever in crisis and experiencing negative thoughts to please consider contacting one of the following services - all of which are 24/7 and provide online and telephone support (links below):

Beyond Blue 

Suicide Call Back Service  

Lifeline

Please update us on how you're travelling. 💙

Bob