Hi

[Rin2]

Hi everyone.

So I am currently struggling in life. Feeling absolutely lost most of the time but at the same time, too calm to save my life. The last time I've been to the GP was to get my thyroid checked, because I've been having low mood and have lost weight. Having previously gotten blood test results, I have always shown abnormal thyroid levels (or something like that) but it wasn't all too severe to be worried about. So with the terrible low mood I have concluded that maybe my thyroid problems have gotten worse. However, as I got to talk to my GP alot more about my 'supposed symptoms', he ended up with the conclusion that I may have mild depression and that my thoughts about my thyroid must be my way of coping with it. That maybe I was looking for something physically wrong with me so it would be easier(kinda) to treat, but as it turns out it's actually something mentally wrong. That made me realise a few things, like being blind and not seeing the truth. The truth that I was unhappy, which I couldn't admit to myself because I was always the happy person. The person in the group that was always hyper and loud, so this was something completely opposite. But then again, I'm certain that it wasn't all pretend. Maybe until recently when I'm not as loud or ecstatic as I would normally be, and even quiet at times.

However, ever since that last visit to the GP, things have gotten down hill. I spent most days being unable to get out bed, I ate once a day, loss of motivation at uni and even failing things which made me felt more worthless and would spent my nights crying myself to sleep and this would last for 2 weeks. It has happened on 2 occassions ever since (the last one being 2 months ago) and I feel like it's back, even though i feel like it's always been around. Maybe I should go back to the GP and get checked again and ask for proper diagnosis and help ? Especially the fact that it scares me how I can act so calm on the outside when I am internally stressing about everything deep inside.

[geoff]

hello Rin, it's takes courage to post a comment on this forum but I'm pleased that you finally have.
The thyroid can change someone so much if it's abnormal, change their personality, make you tired and even if it's not too severe a change can still happen.
Well with depression you're still not physically well, because it has created problems associated with this illness, those which you have mentioned, and your thyroid could do this, but more so there may not be any reason why you feel this way, because depression can come upon us without you knowing, so it would be a good idea to go back and talk to your doctor.
It will make you feel calm on the outside when you are with people but as soon as you are home then you collapse and just want to go to bed and curl up into a ball, so you should talk to your doctor about taking antidepressants (AD) to begin with, and then ask about the mental health plan, which entitles you to 10 free visits per year to see a psychologist.
You could also defer your uni if you have lost that interest, there is no harm in doing this, because if you continue going there then you maybe disappointed, which will then onlyupset more than you need.
I hope that we can hear back from. Geoff.

[Rin2]

Hi geoff thanks for the reply.

Yes you are right about it affecting my physically. After giving me that talk about mild depression, my GP did agree to get my blood tested anyway to double check. I came back with below average thyroid levels again but still not the kind of level that should be worried about. So atleast my thyroid is functioning well.

Thank you for your kind welcome and suggestions. I also have considered deferring but the thing is, I have wasted a year and a half already (one year doing a course I didn't like, then took a semester off before enrolling in a new course and uni) so I don't feel so good deferring AGAIN. Especially having the pressure to finish my degree early due to my famiy's expectations especially with my group of friends already graduating this year. I'm also entering my final year so I feel pressured to keep going and it backfires on me because of the fact that I can't make it work. My family is also not aware of my situation and I'm not willing to tell them because I don't think they would take it seriously. Especially when I have 2 family members (dad's brother and sister) who has mental health problems and in particular, my aunt who i believed to have had depression that never got treated or taken seriously by my family. I feel like they have this mentality about mental health and not taking it seriously unlike if it was physical illness.

[geoff]

hi Rin, thanks for getting back to me and I am pleased that your levels were only just under, but I'm sure your doctor will want you to have regular blood tests.
You shouldn't feel as though 'first past the post' applies here, in other words does it really matter who graduates first, because in 5 or 6 years that will all be forgotten, and whoever came first won't even be mentioned, because what does it actually mean.
You have to do what suits you, not what they say or what your family says to do, because again in 5 years does it matter, because struggling through uni isn't an option for you, it coulld only make you worse, but your health is of prime concern here, and not to do what others expect you do.
Depression may run in the family, but are you doing something which you don't want to do just to please what other people expect you to do. Geoff.

[Rin2]

Well I personally don't care if I finish later than them because it doesn't bother me. But my family will bother me about it. And of course I am doing this to please them my family. I want to study hard for their sake so I can't do what I want since I live under the same roof as them so I'll never hear the end of it. And if I disappoint them then I will be disappointed with myself too. It just adds on to the disappointment within me already. So I will lose either way.