Hi!

[CSB1968]

Hello everyone,

I just joined this morning.

A bit about me? Well in late 2024 I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety & adjustment disorder. By early 2025 it progressed to major depression disorder (MDD) & shortly before the end of March 2025 my depression became major depression with psychotic features, colliquate Ly known as psychotic depression, a mixture of psychosis and MDD.
Background? Outside of most of my working life I studied psychology, counselling theory & practice, sociology & social policy at night in university in 2001.

I also worked during the day in care in the community, clients with physical and/or mental illnesses & one with a traumatic brain injury, a client released from prison with a severe learning disability who was released into the community but in 24-hour secure care/accommodation. I also had clients with cancer & one with motor neuron disease; I had clients with multiple illnesses.

[Croix]

Dear CSB1968~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here at Forum and appreciate you have already given some ideas as to how to improve it.

Life has certainly given you a hard time the major depression, psychosis and adjustment disorder

I hpe you are getting the best treatment possible for these conditions as I'd imagine they can make life seem hopeless, you can overreact to things and at the same time may be unsure at times what is real. A very difficult set of conditions to cope with.

You mentioned thatin 2021 you were studying a broad sweep of psychology, counceling and sociology, may I ask if you have continued these studies?

You also said that at the same time you were working with care in the community which brought you in contact with people who had may different conditions. 

While it is natural to want to help people that are in need it can  easily take its toll and I'm wondering if you are still working in the same area.

If you would like to talk more about you life and maybe anything you have found helpful you would be made very welcome

Croix

[CSB1968]

Hi Croix,

Apologies for the late reply, I haven't been on here since I registered and did my intro.

Yes, psychotic depression is a decent into a nightmarish hell, which began with whispers which is typical during the prodrome, whispers in my head, then whispers from a TV, then actual clear voices. Paranoia, hellish nightmares, sounds from objects falling out of the sky that did not exist, someone call my name in the living room, hearing a group of people knocking the front door of my apartment only for me to open the door and no-one there.

The worst though are the command (auditory) hallucinations. Instructions for violence; bashing, stabbing someone. Luckily, I thought the commands where stupid and made no sense at which point the voices went away, I guess my reasoning prevailed. Of course, what you are doing is you're talking to an imaginary voice, you're not physically speaking, in your head you are. So, for those brief seconds or more you're not in reality. Crazy stuff.   

Statistically PMD is also an illness with a poor prognosis, and I am treatment resistant. Funny thing is once you get stabilised, you're able to look back and think wow look where I was, and it is just amazing having lived through the illness and become stable.

But I can become ill pretty quickly if I don't take my meds, there was a gap as I was trially different anti-depressants and my depression spiked, and the voices came calling...

I take meds twice a day, anti-psychotic, regular and extended release at night, regular in the morning along with the antidepressant. This combination works well in the majority of cases where people are psychotic. Statistically only antidepression meds with PMD have a low success rate, you need the antipsychotic meds.

Ironically, I know more about mental illness than I did when at uni and having worked with people, I researched on YouTube presentations from a variety of institutions and individuals. It is a good way to approach it, as the saying goes knowledge is power.  

Anyways, well no, as I mentioned you might have not noticed I actually went to uni in 2001-2002. I chose the fast-track option (3 nights a week) of 1 year, my qualification is a foundation, it is graded as a certificate in the UK and in Australia as diploma.

My course/qualification was developed at the time for entry into the DipSW, the professional qualification for social workers in the UK, I believe it then changed to a degree in social work.

I never went into social work, that is I never applied for a place at uni as I was told by a social department manager I would have around 40-50 clients and you'd be lucky to see them 10 mins a week, so I thought what's the point if I am going to be buried in paperwork.

So, I went back to my previous profession of truck driving. Still the qualification wasn't a waste of time, I could use it in a peer support job in the future, along with my year of practical experience and my more recent PMD.

So, there you go (you don't have to) if you mind me asking what brought you onto this thing?

[Croix]

Dear CSB1968~

There is no worry about when you reply, I"m simply glad to hear from you.

Although you face a most confusing set of prompts, voices and experiences  you sound as if, with your meds, you have reached a place where you can cope with them amazingly well, even if it means talking to a part of yourself you do not see as being there. While you may be fooled at time I believe your rational side is on top.

It's true with many case-work jobs, you are overloaded from the start and trying to do justice to each client simply is not possible, resulting in small benefit for the client and frustration and disillusionment for the case-worker. So sticking to your truck-driving sounds very sensible. 

I'm sure wiht oyur personal lived expereince and qualification it might not be too hard ot get into peer work though one needs t be sure of hte atmosphere before you start, many do not understand the peer worker's role and you are not considered part of a clinical team. Don't let that discourage you, there are many excellent places.

As for me, I was policeman, invalided out suicidal wiht PTSD, depression and anxiety. I'm still under treatment which I expect will be permanent, however my life turned around and is pretty good. I"m here because I what to use my expereince to help others not go though the bad expereince I've had.

I too drove trucks as my first job, and remember taking my license test by having to back a semi round a corner in a busy CBD (I fluked it first time:).

Croix

[CSB1968]

Hi there,

Yes it been and I’m sure you’ll identify with this a journey. My journey with mental illness began 2 years in June. I think the worst time was July 2024 through the April last year. I had to change psychiatrists and the Dr I have had since March last year has been great, over time I had to increase my doses. 

Since March this year I’ve pretty much resurfaced from the swamp I was in. Depression is marginal now, but I also forced myself to start doing stuff and that has kind of kick started my life, although I still have no capacity for work. Actually I have major problems with concentration and memory, executive functioning. 

Not sure if that’ll be permanent but it’s possible, I think it could be a form of burn out. The stress and bullying, unreasonable work demands resulted in my illness and the prognosis for my illness is currently guarded. 

I think that’s quite a common occurrence with police officers, the stuff they face everyday time they’re on duty is bound to take its toll. It seems you and I are in a similar position, all the stuff you have I’m surprised you never ended up with psychosis. 

Glad you didn’t, it’s one hell of a thing, funny thing is I wasn’t severe, but it was still something. Now my depression has stabilised the psychosis has stopped. In some ways I’ve came through two years of the strangest wackiest journey and here I am still standing, I survived. But without the meds and treating team it would have been a different story as I’m sure you can well imagine.

I must have Sid something the wrong way, I don’t drive anymore, I stopped years go and I wouldn’t go back to it, it’s tiring and stressful 😂

Glad you’re sharing your insight, and you’re an inspiration given why you’ve been through and continue to do so.