Hi feeling lost
Hi recently I had what I guess was a nervous breakdown due to a work incident. I have had a lot going on,coping with grief and chronic pain. Anyway with pressures of work this incident was the last straw. I'm usually very resilient and just push through but this incident was like the last straw. I have suffered anxiety and depression most of my life but I usually manage to work through episodes eventually. This time I really am having trouble. I have been trying to speak with GPs but feel they don't seem to listen or understand. Despite getting an MRI that had given a reason for my pain and having had new symptoms that were very worrying one doctor said it was all in my head. That triggered me and I had another emotional meltdown. Thankfully I regained my composure the following day and asked to see another doctor who sent another referral to a specialist to which I'm grateful. Yet I find myself with a supposed care team that is not communicating with each other effectively. I asked my psychologist if she had written a report to my doctor to find that she hadn't. She has been advising not to go back to work due to my mental health and the pain and hasn't advised the GP. When I speak with my GP they say they won't make recommendations about the pain until I see a specialist whenever that is and don't seem to understand that I've been suffering extreme anxiety due to work and that is impacting on my pain and in the process my mental health is crumbling. I know what my body is telling me but I seem stuck. This has sent me into a spiral where I've got to the point I don't want to fight anymore and that I am doubting myself. I have been feeling s.o low I just can't get out of bed and just feel like giving up. I'm not enjoying anything and my thoughts have been dark. I don't know if it is the medical centre that is putting pressure on doctors so that their capacity to really listen to their patients and understand is compromised or what it is? The process of going to the doctor's is becoming a source of anxiety in itself. I feel sick everytime I make an appointment.
Welcome to the forums, and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others, many will understand some of what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult the past few years have been, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.
It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in getting some support, but are having trouble getting the support you need. It must be incredibly frustrating, and we're really sorry to hear that sometimes updating your care team is increasing, rather than easing your anxiety.
It’s important to be kind to yourself while you go through this, and we think sharing here is a really good way to find understanding. If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors can be good to talk to right in the midst of the anxiety symptoms. You can also reach them via Online Chat here (11am-midnight AEDT).
Thanks again for sharing. We’re sure we’ll hear from the lovely community soon. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else.
I'm sorry that you are facing too many challenges at the moment, no wonder you feel so overwhelmed☹️ As Sophie said, it's good to see that you are very aware of yourself and took steps to get support
As one of the victims, I'm sorry that the bureaucracy in the hospital system is affecting you when you are suffering physical pain and mental stress. I see these factors are causing your loss of determination.
Speaking from my own experience, I was nervous to make appointments and communicate with doctors, and after every visit, I felt a bit of hope which soon faded away because I felt like I didn't receive practical help and made improvements. So I learnt to accept the reality, I felt like I probably rely on them too much, mentally. So one thing I did was actually push them a bit away from me mentally. It was probably not the best thing to do, but then I focused on looking for positive things surrounding me, things I could do to make myself feel better, and also opened up myself to someone who was able to listen (went to the online forum and talked with ppl who had similar experiences).
To be honest, I actually could see the fatigue and frustrations of the counsellors, the psychologist and the doctors, they are just working people who have to go through so many clients; they are just someones who would give us hands (sometimes it might not help) when we were struggling. And yes, in this multidisciplinary care team, sometimes professionals from different areas couldn't understand and communicate with each other very well, it is NOT GOOD but it's COMMON, unfortunately, and that's their problem, not yours.
I hope you can share more here if you feel more comfortable, as Sophie said we’re here to listen and support🙂
Hi Msdolphin thanks for the reply.
I hope that everything goes well and easier, and I suggest that you may not completely give up on the care team, hope you get referred to a better team with better communication when you are comfortable to ask them to do that, if possible. I agree that nature as a peaceful environment could be beneficial to your mental health, so there may be some alternative therapies that work well. Is there anyone around you or in the care team that you can talk with about this? I reckon a counsellor may be the one.
Hope you take it easy and take both things into consideration. 🙂
I feel for you so very much as you experience multiple challenges all at once, such as the stress and fallout from work, the physical pain, doctors/specialists who aren't managing in the way of communication and constructive action, past mental health challenges and a variety of triggers beyond these factors. If you're not feeling thoroughly exhausted at this point I'd be surprised. You definitely deserve better than what you're getting.
As for the doctor who says it's all in your head, I'd be challenging him to elaborate beyond what, for him, sounds like an easy out which lets him off the hook regarding further investigation. Considering what's in our head, our brain is basically the master computer of our body, to some degree. It computes what chemistry needs to be released throughout our body, it reads the tension levels in our muscles, it regulates our heartbeat and lung function, it translates our thoughts in a variety of ways, it sits atop of the super communication highway known as our spinal chord, it is responsible for reading pain (leading to repair and inflammation) and the list goes on. So, to say 'It's all in your head', I'd be asking what part of my head/brain. Dude, elaborate! Don't be so slack.' He learned about all that stuff at uni, so he should know better when it comes to how the brain and body work together and what can lead to dis-ease/disease and dysfunction. For a start, he should know that stress can ramp up pain/inflammation levels.
Then there's you, the gradually developing expert on your own body. If those around you were smart, they'd listen to all the pieces of the puzzle you offer them. They wouldn't lead you to doubt yourself and the fact you can hear what your body's telling you: Stress leads you to greater physical pain. Natural therapies provide you with some mental and physical relief (such as feeling your mind and body in a state of peace while they're in nature). Dealing with incompetent people leads you to feel sick to your stomach (literally). A lack of constructive guidance and inspiration is depressing.
Perhaps you're onto something, wondering more about natural therapies. Would a holistic type of therapy cover the whole of what you're looking for, in the way of addressing what you're needing for you mind and body to work through and beyond dis-ease/upset? Would that give you a greater more soulful and energetic connection to life, where the inner dialogue begins to change for the better?