Hello Dontknowanymore1
Welcome to the forum and I am so glad that when you don't have any fight left in you that you have found yourself here, for some support and some comfort and to be heard. We care so much about you and while it is impossible to be actually with you, please know I am sitting with you at this really uncertain time in all our lives.
It is exhausting to have to retell you story over and over and get the same vanilla response and I am so sorry that this is happening for you, I would like to be able to listen and to hear how you are feeling if you wanted to share some of your story here. Only if you feel comfortable to.
When we do find ourselves spiraling down the dark hole and everyday is the same and there is nothing to look forward to and seems like there is no light let alone joy it is so hard to lift our heads to see that there is light, there is hope and there is a brighter tomorrow. With some help that resonates with you, with some help that connects with you, and this sometimes is the tricky bit in that we don't always connect with doctors or counselors or professionals that can help and therefore it makes us feel worthless and like a waste of time. But know that with the right person and the right connection there is hope and there is help.
These are really interesting times at the moment and do add a whole other layer of darkness if we are already looking down the rabbit hole, we are here for you to share and to sit with you through this time.
Are there some things that you did enjoy doing once? Something that you might retry to see if you can break the cycle and to get even a moment of joy into your day? I have just started to paint, I did it yesterday for the first time, I am not really that good at it but that is OK, it took the best part of the day and I actually enjoyed myself while being able to take away some pretty sad feelings I have been going through.
Sometimes it does help to write, I have found this so very helpful, just to purge onto a page, to be so raw and honest and not have to think, just purge. It isn't for anyone else to see so you can get real. I found this to be such a wonderful thing to do.
I hope to chat to you some more and I am not sure if I have been any help or not but I care, and I am here to listen and to chat to you.
Huge hugs
Sarah
