Hi and help?

[Markenviroqld]

Hi,

I feel lost I don't know who I am. I don't know how to discover myself or if I am self aware to be sure.. I just don't know... this to compound the anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts I get..

Why can't I give myself answers??

Mark

[indigo22]

Hi Mark,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I think what you are experiencing is fairly common when it comes to mental health issues, I have definitely experienced this at various times. I think our mind becomes crowded with thoughts but there is no clarity. I don't know what will work for you but I can give you some suggestions that might be worth looking into.

Probably the first thing would be meditation, not everyone finds this easy to do but there are different kinds of meditation you can try. For example walking meditation were you just walk and focus on your steps or your breath, being present and noticing your surroundings. I find sitting by the ocean and focusing on the movement of the water invokes a meditative state. The idea being that you quiet your thoughts for a while to gain some clarity.

Having an interest in something that you enjoy doing has a similar effect of quieting the mind and giving you something else to focus on for a while which can create some clarity in which to find answers.

I have found reading books that help me understand my mental health issues better has given me a few Ah Ha moments and helped me to figure things out about myself, hence making me more self aware.

It is also important to have a person or people who you can talk to about what is circling in your thoughts. Are you getting any support from family or friends at present, or are you seeing a counsellor?

I hope this helps a little, I will be happy to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo

[Markenviroqld]

Thankyou Indigo.

I am still at a loss of where to start. I used to enjoy walking in the bush and having some time to myself or looking at the plants in the greenhouse but that will all be changing.

I would be interested to know of potential books as maybe that can help me.

Never really had supports atm.. I had tried to speak with various counsellors but they haven't worked for me neither is the medication I have been on since 2017 and don't know how to get off it..

Thanks,

Mark

[indigo22]

Hi again Mark,

As far as the medication, there are two options, either trying a different medication or weaning off your medication. With either option you will need to do this with your GP, whatever you do, do not stop them cold turkey. When I first went on meds, the first two were of no help to me but I have been on the third one for a few years now and they are of help to me. 

It can be difficult to find a counsellor you feel comfortable with and click with, it may be worth looking around again. The helplines can be very helpful in taking the pressure off when you are struggling.

Books that you may find of interest: (all of these should be available in paperback, ebook or audiobook)

Gabor Mate - The Myth of Normal

Gabor Mate - When the Body Says No

Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score

Peter A Levine - In an Unspoken Voice

Bruce H Lipton - The Biology of Belief

Joe Dispenza - Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

Deb Dana - Anchored

Have a read of the descriptions and see what appeals to you.

I will be here if you want to talk more about your current situation, you are not alone.

indigo

[Markenviroqld]

Thankyou very much Indigo. Still learning how all this forum stuff works. Dodgy phone and internet reception living in regional qld doesn't help.

I will have a look at those books. I have had struggles with getting through to a doctor that I want to look at reducing the medication and seems to be refusing my request. Is there anything I can do?

My mental health is getting to the point where I don't even enjoy the jobs or interests I used to. I even feel lonely around people who used to be my friends although I have moved myself away from most people.

Sorry for the rambling I think I have probably started half way through a potential life story and apologies if doesn't make sense.

I have avoided using up the phone numbers as other may need it more but maybe it is something I can look into.

Thanks again

[indigo22]

So firstly, perhaps try talking with a different doctor if possible. Your doctor should be open to discussion about what you want along with giving advice and making helpful suggestions.

From what you are saying, you seem to be in a downward spiral which may be the reason the doctor does not want to take you off medication at present. I know what you are talking about, I lost interest in many things that gave me pleasure and have been isolated for some time. I think it is a slow process sometimes and we have to find ways to improve our mental health so we don't fall too deeply into the black hole. What you were saying about walking in nature is a very good way to keep your nervous system calm, so try to make a point of doing that as often as you can.

I would definitely make use of the helplines, it is why they are there, you are just as important as anyone else and you should not see yourself as less in need than others. Anxiety, Depression and Suicidal thoughts makes you someone who would definitely benefit from that support. If you are having a hard time with suicidal thoughts, it is best to ring 000 and keep yourself safe until those thoughts settle. I have had them too so I know how hard it is to distract yourself.

I would be happy to talk more when you are ready,

indigo

[Markenviroqld]

Thankyou. Trying to survive another Christmas eve on my own.. I may end up calling those phone numbers today. Now back at rural and see everything falling apart/not kept in top off..Been in that downward spiral for most of the year..

[Markenviroqld]

I am tired of struggling for so many years when your 30s/20s are supposed to be the prime of your life whatever that means..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Markenviroqld,

I’m sorry that your struggling, I’ve heard before that the prime of our lives are 20/30s…I spent my 20/30s trying to survive DV….as you can see I did and I’m a survivor…and am now 67..

A few years ago I spent nearly 6 weeks in a mental health ward, one of the things I told my psychiatrist was that I don’t know who I am….My abuser (husband)  passed away 10 years ago….I was being completely controlled by him and ended up that I didn’t know who I was…I was living for him, not me…anyway my psychiatrist told me that while trying to find out who I am, will be hard, it will happen with hard work, and it did..it took a few years to know that I am not, defined by my ptsd, depression and anxiety…

Markenviroqld, if you need to ring a help line, please do so…I have many times and they helped me get through another day…one step at a time…one day at a time…I’ll, be spending Christmas on my own again this year….not cooking or doing anything special, just going to watch some classic Christmas movies, maybe I’ll make some popcorn….Christmas Day comes only once a year, it can be the happiest day of someone’s life…and it can also be the saddest and loneliness day for some people as well……like everything in life dear sweet Markenviroqld it passes, a new day starts and suddenly Christmas has been forgotten for another year….……I’ll be hanging around the forums on and off throughout Christmas Day….if you feel you need to talk, we are all here for you….

Thinking of you Dear Markenviroqld, with care and kindness..

Grandy..

[indigo22]

Hi again,

I know it is hard at this time of the year, I have no family left so I spend Christmas alone every year. I see it as a day to do what makes me feel good. This will be my first Christmas since I joined the forums and I will be spending it on the forums because I know there will be other adult orphans and lonely souls that need comfort and support. That is what will make me feel good, what would make you feel good?

I will be here,

indigo