Hello ( I'm new here)

[kweerkat]

Hello thanks for the add 👍🏼

[Croix]

Dear Kweerkat~

Well, you are a person of few words, and I'm afraid to say I am simply not sure what you would like. I can see that you are showing appreciation, perhaps to beyondblue or this Forum or an advert we put out (of which there are a lot) - dunno.

All I can say is we are here to help, and if you wanted you could say more. Just browsing around this forum you can see there are people here from all walks of life, with a great range of illnesses and experiences. All would like to give a hand to some else who is going down the same path.

You'd be very welcome to post again

Croix

[kweerkat]

Yes I'm not much of a talker.

Not sure what to expect.

Guess just looking for conversation. Feeling very depressed n alone n anxious.

Lots going on with job which I'll probly lose this week due to my disability n mental health, but hey it's the 8th job in 11 mths. Very frustrating giving my everything to employers only to be told I'm not good enough. If only they knew how much pain I'm in all day and the demons in my head makes keeping jobs hard.

Just feeling broken and in a dark place, nursing battle wounds/scars from life.

[Croix]

Dear Kweerkat~

I'm very glad you posted again, you sound as if you life is not good at all at the moment. Losing that many jobs really is a terrible thing to have to put up with, if it was me I'd not really know how to handle it.

What to expect here? Well lots of people, most of whom have had a pretty bad go with one mental illness or another and want to help others, make things smoother where they can. There's no judgment, everyone is completely anonymous and there is a lot of sympathy caused by understanding what other people are going though.

As for conversation, just say whatever you'd like. If you want to talk about what's happening to you then right here in your thread is a good place, if you want to just hang out there is a thread called:

Forums/ BB Social Zone/ The BB cafe

where you can just join in and meet friendly folks.

Do you mind if I ask what goes wrong with those jobs? It's not like you don't care, your post tells me that.

I'm also wondering about a couple of other things, like are you under treatment, if depression and anxiety are the basic problem or something else?

The other thing that would be good to know is if you have a family or anyone else to talk to, someone that cares about you? When I was really ill having my wife to talk with made a huge difference. She might not have understood exactly what was going on in my head but she cared and helped where she could.

You might think I'm being a bit nosy asking all that. The fact is the more I - and others here - understand then the more sense we can make when talking with you.

For example it's no use at all my suggesting you see a doctor if you are already seeing one, that sort of thing. That's because for most people seeing their GP and saying what the problems are is a pretty good first step. For others who are feeling bad but already under treatment then they might have to tell the doctor that the treatment needs to be changed.

I really hope if you keep on coming here and talking with us you will start to feel less broken and scarred

Croix

[kweerkat]

Hi Croix

Thanks for responding. Well I have suffered through major depression most of my life basically. My mother was physically abusive to me all my life due to being a drug addict n alcoholic. She died from her own abuses when I was 21 after 2 weeks on life support. Everyday at school from primary through high school I was physically abused for being gay. I just can't talk to people even now I'm 42yo. Which doesn't help in the workplace. I try to communicate but I freak out. I lived at home caring for my father for a further 3yrs then he had a massive heart attack in front of me and my cpr attempts failed. 1 week later he died when I was 24. I've also experienced sexual abuse from another family member.

It was 5yrs ago I finally saw a professional and was diagnosed with ptsd, bipolar, major depressive disorder, anxiety n panic attacks.

Due to violence I have 4 Buldging discs in my lower back which also creates a great deal of pain daily which effects me mentally too and perhaps effects my work efforts. Don't get me wrong I work what I consider hard but after gritting teeth n the mental strain of working I guess it takes is toll somehow. I'm so disheartened, I've stood on the side of the road with a sign to get work, I've collapsed with anxiety, but I do it to keep a roof over my head. I've got 6 letters from medical/mental workers saying I should be on dsp. I've applied 3 times n been rejected. Ya know I fight so hard to get a job only to be let down by my mental insecurity or I've been holding in back pain. As for remaining family well I have 2 brothers. One lives bout an hour away n he has kids (nieces n nephews) I never hear from any of them, homosexuality is a sickness apparently. My other brother I don't know where he is, last I heard he was a heroin addict.

Hmmm think that's a start... 👀

[Croix]

Dear Kweerkat~

Yes I guess that's a pretty good start:) - like those eyes, I can only do text smileys 😞

Just a note - I hope I don't upset you by talking below about the events in your life, if in doubt just skip over, no hassles

There have been an awful lot of horrible things in you life and left you with that long diagnosis. I can relate to a fair bit of that myself.

Having a mother like that, I can't really imagine what it must have been like. I was disinherited by my parents, so no love from them, but all very proper, no drugs or alcohol. I imaging if it had been in your position I'd have felt even more relief, anger and self-blame than I did.

Caring for you father then trying the CPR, I really cant imagine what it would be like. I guess devastating would not be strong enough work. I think it would weave into the fabric of you life.

Bullying is an indictment on the immaturity, cruelty and herd instinct of children who I believe act that way from insecurity and low self-esteem. They will pick on anything as an excuse to treat another badly.

Which reminds me, before gong on, I only suggested one Cafe to you, there is another LGBTI Cafe thread here to where you can chat and try to relax, perhaps the text-based anonymity may help:

Forums / BB Social Zone / The Transcendent Rainbow Cafe - social space for LGBTI members

Can't hurt to have a look.

I can understand the back, having similar. Makes for a rather limiting lifestyle, at least in my case. One funny thing, my back-pain, when severe, tends to reduce my anxiety - I suppose I can only deal with one pain at a time :). Do you find the same?

I"m not going to talk about much more in this post, though there is more to talk about.

In passing let me mention the app Smiling Mind, free for the smartphone. I have found that - although it is difficult to master - I've reaped great benefit both from reducing everyday background stress and in directly dealing with bursts of anxiety and panic.

I hope you continue to talk, here is a normal friendly place

Croix