New BPD

[rayray70]

After 20+ years of believing I had depression and anxiety have just received a diagnosis of BPD... mixed feelings... relief...overwhelmed...I have unfortunately bought into the negative stereotype of BPD and am now "one of those people" so feeling a bit ashamed ... which I guess I'm probably quite good at. Six weeks wait list for DBT counselling so frustrated at the wait.

[kanga_brumby]

rayray welcome to Beyond Blue forums a safe place to come and try to get help. Now you have a proper diagnosis for what ales you, must be a relief at last. Now for the worst part of the public sector. The wait to get treatment. Hope it goes quickly for you.

Kanga

[james1]

Hi rayray,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post.

I also have BPD and I imagine you must be feeling a bit of everything at the moment with your diagnosis.

I suppose the label means different things to different people.

For me, I find it's a bit of a dangerous safety net. It gives me an excuse to behave differently, but it also gives me and everyone else an excuse for every little difference about me. Which I think is a bad thing because then everything is put in terms of BPD and I find that quite restrictive. So I try not to think about stereotypes at all.

What does it mean to you? Do you feel any attachment to it? I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially if you feel differently about it to me.

Sorry to hear about the wait. Do you have appointments with your doctor/s before then?

James

[rayray70]

Hiya James thanks for the reply. I definitely identify with the diagnosis... and reading through the criteria I tick a lot of the boxes .... it certainly explains a lot of my behaviour and feelings... but now am wondering about the validity of those ... for example "have I been over reacting"?

I know that I am the same person (good and bad) I was two days ago prior to the diagnosis... and I guess I feel excited that there is perhaps more to me than I realise .

I have had an empty feeling and no sense of self for such a long time that I can't imagine that changing... but welcome the opportunity to do so.

I only wish I could get started on counselling now... I feel anxious about coming off my long term antidepressants ... as recommended by psych and will do so slowly... I worry that my BPD has affected my children... although in reality we have a loving close little family.. but I will be a bit more considered when communicating with my 11yo boy who has dyslexia and unintentionally presses my buttons.

I think I might ring beyondblue and have a chat as I have soooooo much to say.

Thanks again 😃

[james1]

Hey rayray,

Thanks for posting. Like you, I feel like I have so much to say and can relate to so much of what you're saying.

Perhaps the biggest one for me is that lack of self and that's something I'm working on now.

I'm glad you're really keen to start talking to people and get started on counselling. I find it super exhausting and sometimes want a break, but it is also liberating to finally feel like I've got some level of control again.

Anyway, the support lines are very helpful for talking through stuff. I find it's just important to make sure I remember that they aren't doctors and are there for support, not necessarily a fix. But certainly a useful part of my support network!

James