Hello, finally

[destiny]

Hello all,

I've tried posting so many times now, but I always back out. It makes me a little nervous, although I know it shouldn't.

I'm 31 years old and I wish I could say I have hobbies, but I stop and start so many things, maybe that could be a hobby in itself! I do however think I am a creative person, I often find myself trying different creative outlets.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago with Rapid Cycling Bipolar and ADD. I see a psychiatrist once a month and each visit is a medication adjustment. I guess I'm finally writing to see how others have gone through their journey to stable. It feels like it's been so long and I've stopped getting closer to what I think normal feels like. I keep thinking that one visit I'll be told I'm stable and its time to sort out maintenance.

The depressive lows always hit me the hardest and some days I still feel like I could just sleep all day. I remember what I was like before my first episode and I'm struggling to come to terms that that may not be in my future anymore.

I spent about a year before getting help completely isolating myself from everyone. I went from a close circle of friends to none at all. I often think about trying to repair those friendships but I feel like they are beyond repair and now I'm just left lonely. I also don't want them seeing me, my medication has caused me to gain so much weight, it's just embarrassing now.

I'm really hoping to hear from someone who has come out the other end of this because it's really starting to wear me down and I'd love some reassurance that normal is maybe possible. My life is passing by and I'm stuck in an endless cycle of medication, poor health and doctors appointments.

[Guest_128]

Hey Destiny,

I am so sorry I just found your post.

What you wrote could of been for me.

I am questioning your meds,we can't name them here.

I am 45 was diagnosed with bipolar when when I was 39. At 41 ADD . The meds I was given for ADD have saved me from those awful awful lows,and kept my weight down.

For me you need to learn to except that you have these conditions and learn how to control them,not them control you.

As for being stable,it's the same as say your ok. They are just words.

please join in and ask questions there are a lot of really good threads,educational funny and you will feel very comfortable.

I am sorry I couldn't wave a magic wand.

Later

[destiny]

Thank you for the reply, it's comforting to hear from someone who has been through a similar thing. I'll take your words on board 🙂

[Starwolf]

Welcome, Destiny. I am glad you have bravely taken the plunge to share your thoughts and concerns.

I agree with Later. We are all different, so react differently. It sometimes takes several attempts before finding the treatment that suits us best. You may need more than adjustments. Perhaps change, a different approach. Nothing wrong with asking a second opinion.There are lots of BP sufferers out there who are on mood stabilisers that allow them to be functional without distressing side effects. For many, trial and error has been the way to go. It can be disheartening at times when hopes are dashed and medication fails to deliver. My heart goes out to you. I hope a solution can soon be found.

It is true that mental illness can be isolating and that some friendships may be beyond repair. Unfortunately, there is no building new friendships without mixing with people. Shunning contact can only reinforce self-effacing tendencies and confirm the false belief that we are unlovable. If your weight is a concern, joining a gym or some exercise program could put you in touch with others who are striving towards maintaining good physical health. Perhaps establishing connections would help you persist in a chosen activity ? Anything that gets us out and about keeps us -at least temporarily- out of our head. Weight issues don't stop you from being good company. They don't define who you are, unless you allow them to.

Good to have you on board.