Gut wrenching angst

Grand_stepFatherBrother · ‎13-12-2016

Hello fellow travellers:) I am a newbie here and having read some of the posts, I see I am not Robinson Crusoe in my situation. I am a (injury-forced) retired Murri (Qldr of Aboriginal descent) man, who has taken on the live-in care of an 18 yr old step-daughter who's been facing anxiety, depression and gender issues over several years now. This has resulted in several self-harm attempts. While I have organised various professional support groups/services for her, I recently found myself becoming over-emotional at any signs of strong/loving family images in books, TV shows and movies and realised that I also need some support and advice to stay strong enough to support any recovery. It's great to live in Australia and have the luxury of online forums to discuss my issues and hopefully support others in similar situations. May the Great Spirit of our wonderful land be with any reading this introduction.

Nikkir · ‎13-12-2016

Hi Grand_stepFatherBrother,

Welcome to BB, lovely to hear from you and thank you for your warm welcome and land blessing 🙂 I couldn't agree more I was born here and feel grateful everyday 'The Lucky Country'. I think it is wonderful that you have decided to help your step-daughter and have given her the opportunity to get some help, she is very lucky. Yes, I understand your position as I am a carer as well of my daughter who has BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder). So I am very familiar unfortunately with self -harm and professional support and needing support myself. The first thing I would say is self-care. We have a link on our website which I will try to get you

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

Wow it worked 🙂 The main thing is to take care of yourself and don't stop doing the things you love, as much as possible. This is a mistake I made and then I suffered burn out and loneliness and my person went to another state so I am speaking from experience. Don't isolate yourself and set boundaries for yourself as to what you can and will do. It is hard all living under one roof but you are giving her a golden opportunity so just do your best and don't be hard on yourself. I got myself a counsellor so you can call 1300 22 4636 our number for referrals or just to chat if you need help for yourself and I also joined carers australia.

https://www.carersnsw.org.au/

they are awesome, I still talk to them. If not you can go and see your GP and get a referral for up to 6 sessions with a professional. You cannot help someone else if you aren't in a good space in yourself. I always offer the "smiling minds 'app which is relaxing mindfulness app you can download and join support groups for yourself as well if it feels right or talk to the people you trust. I am sure you have it all covered with the professionals but if we can be of any further assistance with resources or just a chat then we are here 24/7 you are not alone.

Wishing you all the best, Nikkir x

Grand_stepFatherBrother · ‎14-12-2016

Thank you so much for sharing Nikkir 🙂 In fact, in my daughter's case the 'Shrink' that her mum had her seeing tried a variety of meds and diagnosis, although at the final session prior to her coming to stay with me permanently, the Dr diagnosed BPD also: a diagnosis both good and bad. Good - because she's now off the anxiety meds that pushed her to gain 20kgs in 5 months, and bad because the Dr explained that in this case, meds are a short-term solution and that the solution to the issues lies with her being positive and constructive in her actions etc. In any case, I find I have to push to get her out of bed daily and any action-plans are met with grumpy/stolid indifference, around which I have to tread gently or risk pushing her to screaming crying fits. Re the advice/suggestions for myself, I haven't tried actually talking to anyone as yet - although I am at the stage where I need to (being wide awake and teary at 2am to check in with my BB post gives a fair hint). So thanks again, for taking the time to write and for the practical support and I wish you the very best outcomes with your own kin. Warm hugs 000...

Nikkir · ‎14-12-2016

Hi Grand_stepFatherBrother,

Thank you for taking the time to write back:) I know its frustrating, its like trying to balance a see-saw or something, you take one thing away then something else goes out of whack. BPD is a very difficult disorder as you well know so make sure they got the diagnosis right and check and check and check again if you don't find doctors you are happy with or get other opinions. The recommended treatment for BPD is DBT lol, all these little acronyms. But DBT or Dialectics is changing thinking and behaviour and living in the present moment, its a therapy that requires alot of committment and discipline and I think its a lengthy course. Personally I don't think medication is a bad thing while a person works through there issues but you could as your GP or our DR Kim on BB. I don't remember if I gave you the BPD info, but if you a spare many hours its filled with resources.

http://www.bpdaustralia.com/

and good you recognise you need some support for yourself:) Reach out when you need to and thank you for your well wishes. Take Care Nikkir x