Newbie to Forums but been fighting depression for most of my life

[Shred1106]

Hi all

I write with some trepidation - after being diagnosed with depression almost 20 years ago and managed on one med with CBT very well, I recently have had a new major episode which has been absolutely crippling. On to my attempt at a 6th medication, with counselling and a fabulous GP, I have no faith in the psychiatrist who has seen me twice now. Main problem is sleep - averaging 4-5 hours a night. I react to almost every med I am put on and worst of all, I have felt my psychiatrist is not listening - saw him three days ago, gave me this new med and said It will be fine...see you in two months time. Do I look for another psychiatrist?

[MarkJT]

Shred, welcome to the forums and well done for reaching out seeking answers, that's what the forums are for.

Yes absolutely seek out a new psych. They are a service to you and if you are not happy with the service, you replace it. Personally I find it disrespectful if a psych treats you like that.

Did your GP recommend that psych? Appears that you certainly get on well with your GP so perhaps discuss with them your feelings towards the psych and if they can recommend someone else.

Let us know how you go.

Cheers

Mark.

[Shred1106]

Thanks Mark - my GP did not recommend this psych but another in the same practice, but they are away for a couple of months and I needed med advice urgently so I ended up with this one. It is so hard to make sense of even the simplest of thoughts just now, so your point is most helpful.I have very small expectations of this new med because of prior experiences over the last few months with five others. My greatest hope is to be able to smell and enjoy the flowers again.

[Cornstarch]

Personally I would go elsewhere.

That's just me.

You said you're last episode was 'crippling', anyone that does not want to see me once a week when I am crippled I don't want to pay $450 p/hr to see.

Easy to say that, extremely difficult to do, because shopping around for psychiatrists is not easy or quick, and coming up to Christmas/New Year you may find yourself in a pickle.

Like anything great the bests ones books are closed, unless you present as an extreme example of A,B or C and they'd like to 'study' you, or they feel sorry for you, they may open their books and let you slip in if you're lucky.

You will be restricted geographically as well, there are only so many psychiatrists to chose from. I steered clear of some simply by word of mouth. Once I hear the same anecdotes from clinical psychologists or mental health workers that are exasperated that every person that sees Dr X comes out as Bipolar II that is a red flag to me.

I need life long help so I expect someone to therefore want to get to know my life.

I was super sensitive to meds as well, it was hell being a chem lab. When I was in hospital I think I was one of only about 5 people in my ward that were not having ECT for the very reason you have described, they have treatment resistant depression. One beautiful older Dad has battled depression for years and years and years and just in this year alone has tried 6 different meds. A lovely young women had tried 15 in the last couple of years!

Lack of sleep is a major problem and so frustrating. I really struggle with it. The medical establishment is trying to cut back on prescribing sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds and often now opt for anti-psychotics to aid sleep. 2 months is just simply too long to find out if your current meds will help with sleep, I'm quite surprised he/she said that.

Is there a chance that in your appointments you 'present' very well, and the severity of your symptoms are overlooked because you seem capable and on top of things?

If you are someone that presents very well they may of ticked you off as not needing thorough monitoring to free up appointments for other people in need. This is where communication is really important and even if we are ashamed we have to disclose how lousy we truly have been. Maybe think about today how you come across in your appointments.

I know this doesn't really help you but good luck

[MarkJT]

Shred, i was once like you with nothing making sense and not being able to smell the flowers. I also saw no future, had no resilience, no self confidence and was a shell of my former self. I am now going really well. I see my future a lot better but not fully, i and building my self confidence and resilience back up and can again, smell the flowers.

The point being is that you can recover. This is a marathon mate, not a sprint. As frustrating as it can be, stick to the course. We will help support you through this process.

Stay safe mate.

Mark.

[Shred1106]

Thanks Cornstarch - yes, the chemical hell is not fun at all.You may well be right about my presentation, and this crippling episode has been going for some months now but I come from a family who never ever discussed feelings before and often was abused for allowing others to know what I am feeling so it's doubly hard. Geographically it's difficult too, because I work in the health industry and need to travel to see someone who does not know me or know of me.

I am that bloody tired of it all - and it doesn't help one bit.

Might talk this over with my GP when I see them late this week.

Thanks for being there!

[Shred1106]

It feels like a never ending marathon...that's all.

[Cornstarch]

My family was the same.

Emotionally, they are like something out of Anne of Green Gables, Little Women or some other Jane Austen rigid, frigid white potato pie.

I'm a realist. It's imperative some people have privacy. You just can't disclose in some circumstances.

Some shrinks will let you Skype them if you want to try further afar? It's a nightmare navigating the health system. It makes me angry.

If you're in the health industry you may very well present much better than you're feeling. You know first hand how to act with health stuff, and your knowledge may be misinterpreted as being at a better place than you actually are.

Probably a little bit of pride too. Health professionals are notorious for being proud and impatient patients.

Ask Siri what to do, she'll know.

Ciao

[Shred1106]

Thanks Cornstarch..

I shall have to wait to talk to my GP I think. One of the most difficult things in being in this black hole is grabbing onto a rock or edge or something to stop myself from falling further. I was quite high up in the health industry too and well known locally....but haven't been able to work for over three months now. Sifting through the "stuff" is really an uphill battle.

[Cornstarch]

I'm so sorry Shred.

I'm not successful but I like to work. That's how we stay connected.

I was only on a non-ongoing contract at work and Malcolm Turnbull has slashed the budget in our section, so redundancies galore and no permanency anywhere for me, bye bye see ya later. I am out of work and I had a nervous breakdown this year so my confidence is really low.

That's my problem though.

If you're a known person in a pretty small community privacy must be so hard! Must drive you mental. Can't a guy/girl just have a spack out without a judgmental audience.

I hope you have a warm body to cling to.