Given up on the hope I will ever have stability

[Givenup04]

Hi there, I’ve moved 35 times in my life. A single parent of two 26 and 17.my daughter who is 26 has moved out after Xmas. I’m also a carer if my sister past 23 years who is schizoaffective with personality disorders and extreme lack of insight. I have financially paid for her all my life and she lived with me for 19 years till around 4 years ago when I put her in a unit.

The last few moves I’ve feit increasingly unsettled and not even fully unpacked . Since the last move I’ve been very depressed and getting worse.

since my earlier memory I’ve dreamt and been driven in all I do to buy a house but never done it. Have been self employed since 20 when I had my daughter and had all else in life but buying a house..

move realised recently that I’m worn out trying and that it will never happen . Since giving up the goal I’ve had all these years I’ve become so depressed I can’t even function or see the point in trying as no matter what u earn it won’t be enough to buy a house and get out of this horrible unstable unsafe life of renting and moving .

I could save again but more years of trying I don’t have in me now.. I just feel now I’m deluding myself and need to accept reaity

I have tried to find happiness thru other goals and things but it doesn’t give me the only thing I’ve ever wanted and that’s safety stability and a place I can feel is a home. Something I never had growing up and never had as an adult.,

drs given me anxiety meds which help some but panic attacks now over moving again, when, how long this time.. play on my mind . I stare all day feeling like my life is over and this is the best it will ever be and it’s not something I can live with anymore. My patience and motivation cation to keep trying to get there has run out.

i just can’t hack this unstable no control renting life and can’t feel relaxed or like it’s a home anymore

i can’t live another year or months feeling so unstable anymore.

never knowing how long u will be here.

Uts unbearable now and I just give up on everything. I can earn big money but kids, my systems costs and dramas and life .. no I don’t care what I earn .

[Croix]

Dear Givenup04~

Reading your post I really feel for you. You sound a lovely caring and sensible person and sadly life does not always reward people as they deserve.

Being a single mum who has raised two daughters and caring for an ill sister for so long has taken all your resources. I'm not talking about just the financial ones, though that is certainly true. I'm talking about you. When one has those that need our help we tend to regard ourselves as having a bottomless well of strength, determination and care. Unfortunately that simply is not true. We are all human and have our limits.

Feeling hopeless and having a dread of moving again are all part of being depleted. Seeing the doctor is wise, and accepting meds and therapy may well help, but by itself it really is not enough. You need to start looking after you in the same way you have everyone else. This is not being selfish, just realistic.

Looking after yourself might be practical things, can for instance anyone else help care for your sister? If you become too ill to function something will have to happen, so thinking along those lines now would seem sensible.

As important is all the things that make your life better. I'm sure in the past there have been activities, events, pastimes and so on that have relaxed you, taken you away from daily care and simply given you enjoyment. It is time to explore them again, giving yourself something to look forward to each day.

Reading your post I'm guessing you are in your forties, A time of life I was in when everything turned around for me. I'd suggest you look at avenues to increase your social life, either privately or though work or an organization or club. I'm not necessarily suggesting dating, but simply being with others for social contact and enjoyment.

With all that support you give others is there anyone to help you? Parent, family or a friend you can talk frankly with, who would want to help. Do you think either of your daughters would respond if you took them at least partly into your confidence? One is an adult and the other nearly so after all. Sharing a burden, even in part, makes a huge difference.

I hope you feel welcome enough to return

Croix

[Guest_1584]

hiya givenup.

well, kindred spirit right here, luck haha. l don't count my moves anymore., self employed too. But l bout a place back in my 20s and now looking back l could kick myself it would've been a nicer life to just had stayed there and l would've had stability all these years too, regrets eh.

lnstead l met ex w, we moved up qld , better climate, we thought,all over for 13yrs, had my daughter heat drove us mad came back to vic.Struggled 6yrs, got work and a place but it took it's toll and we divorced. since moved about trying to find my place while staying close to my daughter,l was in such a panic, again , about stability, an opportunity to get this house came up , close to my daughter but l just don't fit in here or like the town, costs me too much anyway l'll never get it paid off now. when l sell l'll make nothing.

well she'll be 17this year so now l'm thinking l'll have to move yet again. lately l feel exactly as you are and think will l ever have stability now for what's left of life, dunno. Almost feel like giving up on the whole ideas and excepting l must've been a gypsy in another life haha.Anyway l've got a plan but it'll be my last shot at it , couldn't be bothered again, l'm just trying to decide on an area l could afford that l'd like to live, where l could wangle a place. no easy feat with prices now.

l don't have much time left to pay off a new mortgages, would've owned my original place back in my 20s , years ago. ex and l would've been laughing, our last place too.lf you could decide on an area, there are def' things tyou can do to get into your own place. Deposits and stuff aren't such a big thing especially if it's your first home, go regional and you'll get 20k pklus no stamp d , just for starters. You can pick houses up for 100k in some really nice spots, towns, there are things you can do and depending but often for cheaper than paying rent anyway. l don't think l'd give up your dream if l was you. Think l'd first of all relax on it for awhile , build up some new energy , then maybe start looking into regional areas and browsing, try and save a frew k, even a few k can get you in the door in some situations. l got into this one not paying a cent except the first month in advance , repayment. Did a deal with someone.

There are things you can do , l'm use to wangling too being self employed.