first time posting. New here.

[Dee2204]

Hi, I'm just reaching out because i am simply lost. I have been a long time sufferer of Depression and now anxiety, infact i would say depression took everything from me. Although i have come a long way from the major depression i suffered a few years back the effects of that time of my life are haunting me so much to the point i can hardly cope anymore. Having depression ruined all i ever had. I was so ill my children ended up with their dad as i was to unwell to give the right care and although i maintain a beautiful, close relationship with my children the guilt of not being there and the guilt of everything i've missed is just too much. My children were young and they were moved 2 hours away so seeing them was hard, simple things like picking them up from school, making them lunches, kissing them good night all went. When you have you're children and hold them for the first time you never expect you aren't going to be the one not to bring them up. My point here is i now have so much guilt it's eating at me,nearly every single thought is me beating myself up about how i wasn't there and how i want it all back to do right, how others look at me etc. It gets so draining being so hard on yourself and i just want the thoughts in my head to stop. Anxiety is now a huge part of my life , i guess i always had it but high doses of anti depressants (which i'm no longer on) would have covered it's now very strong effects. I"ve also been off work for 10 weeks now after a surgery and i think the constant loneliness of being home everyday and not participating in everyday life is also playing a huge part here. I'm simply sick of crying and i'm drained and i just thought i could maybe reach out here. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Mef]

Thank you for your help,so new to this x

[Guest_4643]

Hey Mef, you're welcome.

I hope you enjoy your time on the forums and find some support. I hope I can support you somehow myself.

I'm here for you and everyone else here. I hope you're well, take care.

tayla x

[Mef]

Hello,thank you for responding,I'm really alone,but I made it that way by cutting every friend out of my life.what brings you on this forum? What's happening in your life?

[Guest_4643]

Hey Mef, you're more than welcome for me replying, of course I'll always reply.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're so alone. I know exactly how you feel, believe me. I don't have anyone, only my parents, but I'm thankful for them, since I feel so sorry for those people who don't have parents or any loved ones.

You haven't cut me out of your life, I'm your friend, well a Forum Friend! But I also relate to that, that's happened to me so many times too. I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and sad about yourself, you're a lovely person inside and out I think and you're brave, joining these forums and posting is courageous enough I think so good on you for that.

I joined the forums on Jan 22 this year, just because I'm struggling to get good professional help, my Psychiatrist is the only good professional help I have and I see him on the 18th (yes 18th Feb), I see him on Skype, then it will probably be a month or so until I see him again, sigh. My GP is horrible aswell as everything else where I live.

How about you, are you alright? I'm always here if you need me. Big love and hugs.

Same goes for all of the nice things I said to everyone here xx

Tayla xo

[Healing heart]

Hi - sorry for all you have gone through. It's difficult to not be with your kids every day. Glad you found somewhere to post.

[Mef]

Thank you for reaching out to me,it means a lot.i suffer with depression and more anxiety the last few weeks,panic attacks everyday now I've stopped leaving the house it's that bad except when I have to pick kids up here and there.Can I ask you what your suffering from?

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mef, and hello to Dee2204 and Healing heart aswell.

Mef, I suffer from, and yes I've been diagnosed with:

Major Depressive Disorder

Anxiety (or Generalised Anxiety Disorder)

Social Anxiety

PTSD

& Avoidant Personality Disorder

Tayla

[Mef]

I have trouble with showering.to me it's a huge effort I can go 2 weeks or longer without one,that may seen unbelievable too some but I just can't get in there and I don't know why.does anyone else feel the same?