first time posting. New here.

[Dee2204]

Hi, I'm just reaching out because i am simply lost. I have been a long time sufferer of Depression and now anxiety, infact i would say depression took everything from me. Although i have come a long way from the major depression i suffered a few years back the effects of that time of my life are haunting me so much to the point i can hardly cope anymore. Having depression ruined all i ever had. I was so ill my children ended up with their dad as i was to unwell to give the right care and although i maintain a beautiful, close relationship with my children the guilt of not being there and the guilt of everything i've missed is just too much. My children were young and they were moved 2 hours away so seeing them was hard, simple things like picking them up from school, making them lunches, kissing them good night all went. When you have you're children and hold them for the first time you never expect you aren't going to be the one not to bring them up. My point here is i now have so much guilt it's eating at me,nearly every single thought is me beating myself up about how i wasn't there and how i want it all back to do right, how others look at me etc. It gets so draining being so hard on yourself and i just want the thoughts in my head to stop. Anxiety is now a huge part of my life , i guess i always had it but high doses of anti depressants (which i'm no longer on) would have covered it's now very strong effects. I"ve also been off work for 10 weeks now after a surgery and i think the constant loneliness of being home everyday and not participating in everyday life is also playing a huge part here. I'm simply sick of crying and i'm drained and i just thought i could maybe reach out here. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Sophie.

I just wanted to say I apologise if I've unintentionally broke any of the rules, I'm still learning my way around here. I'm doing my best to be supportive to everyone and be respectful of everybody, and not trigger anyone, and just overall be polite and caring.

I don't want to get banned here. I apologise, I do sit here for a few minutes thinking of what to say back on any forum/thread, whatever you call them.

Tayla

[White_Rose]

Hello Tayla

Thanks for your comments and apology. Beyondblue does have rules about posting which you can find at the top of the page. Do not get upset that you may have broken the rules. Many people do this but it does not mean you are an unkind or careless person. Just read the rules which you will find are straight forward. They are meant to protect everyone. There are many people who read the threads here but never write so we need to think of them as well.

You sound like an animal lover. I always had dogs, cats, birds and goldfish in my home and it was always hard when they passed away. We give them all our love and they respond by offering us comfort and love. When you miss your pets please remember you cared for them and gave them a good life. They thrived because of you.

I hope you continue to post here. This whole site is called a forum. Each section, such as Welcome and Orientation, Depression, etc is also called a forum, which can be a bit confusing. If you want to refer to it call it the Depression Forum etc. A thread is where someone starts a particular topic such as the one you have replied to, first time posting. New here. All the replies are called posts as in posting a reply. Hope that helps.

I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Dee

Thanks for your reply. Many people find ADs contribute to weight gain, or at least make it hard to lose weight. It is an unfortunate side effect. I tried lots of SSRI meds and had all sorts of side effects until I also stopped taking them. The problem of course is that they do help by giving you some background stability when working through you difficulties.

Now I am not a doctor so cannot tell you to take any meds. I am a person who stopped taking meds and like you found it hard. My compromise has been to take an AD from the original group of meds, tricyclic antidepressants. They used to be prescribed in huge doses but these days more is known about them and the dose is much smaller. The only side effects I have is to be a bit sleepy so I take it at night, and a dry mouth in the morning which goes after a cup of tea. May I suggest you talk to your GP about these. Like you I vowed never to take ADs again but my experience with these has been helpful without making me feel like a zombie.

Not being able to drive for whatever reason is a pest. It does keep you housebound in many ways and that does not help depression. Can you get someone to drive you to your psych appointments? Perhaps your dad? Family comes in useful at times. (smile). I have to go for treatment twice a week and I am not supposed to drive afterwards. It's frustrating. Fortunately for me there is a local organisation that takes people to these sorts of appointments otherwise I would not be able to go.

You enjoyed talking to your psych and presumably found it helpful. Did you see him/her after you stopped taking the AD? Can you remember any coping mechanisms you were given? Many psychologists use CBT, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and it can help enormously. Motivation is a big problem. So many people find it hard to even get out of bed in the morning. For me the only way through something is to go through it. Not a pleasant prospect I know. For many years I struggled with wanting to get well but too tired or afraid to get well.

I once asked my GP to use her magic wand but she said the batteries were flat. It was then I realised I had regained my sense of humour. It has helped enormously to laugh, even if only inside, about anything that strikes me as funny. It also helped me to fully realise no one could make me better without me doing the hard yards. I see you also know this and despite it being disheartening it's a good point to remember. You are making progress.

Mary

[Mef]

Thank you for your reply,makes me feel a little less alone.how are you,does this site help you?

[Guest_4643]

Hey Mary, sorry for replying just now.

Thanks for that, I do sit there for a while and think about what to say believe me. I hope I've never done anything wrong and I hope I don't get banned or whatever. I'm being weary of everyone, the rules etc.

I feel really bad, I haven't said anything mean to anyone or anything :'(

Tayla

[Mef]

New on here,how do I reach out to others?I don't know how to read all the posts only seen 2 ?

[Guest_4643]

hey Mef, welcome to the forums.

you can post a thread yourself, look in all the sections and think which one your thread would be best suited to, otherwise the moderators will move it there, and you get emails about that. everything is moderated, and you can find the rules and how to use these forums under the online forum part also.

you just go to my threads on your account, then it will say the stuff you've commented on, and you can check who's replied back since there's no notifications on here but you'll be able to tell by clicking on it and seeing someone else's username that they've replied then you just reply back just like you did just then.

I hope that helps, I hope you're alright. please take care. love and hugs,

Tayla xx

[Mef]

How do I know if someone has replied to my post?

[Mef]

Thank you for your response,I'm not sure how to read who has responded to my post or to look through other posts!? Is that just me,or is there an easy way to do it.thank you

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mef, sorry for just replying to you now.

To check if anyone has replied to you whether it's your post or someone else's, just log into the forums, then go to My Threads, which will show what you've commented on and posted yourself, then just click on them and you'll see and can reply, it's simple.

Hope you're alright, take care and hugs.

Tayla