Feeling undesirable and lonely

Unwanted

Hey and I apologise if I am posting in the wrong place but am new

I honestly don’t know what to do I have my own apartment, my own business and a stable life but no matter what I do I can’t get dates or even friendship. I have tried singles events, so many online sites and it always ends the same one date then a message saying they just want to be friends…I remember when personalities and a stable financial life was important now it’s just looks and money guess I don’t have enough money or good looks so am at my wits end I am hoping everyday I find someone but not sure how much longer I can keep fooling myself any advice is appreciated thanks for reading hope your all doing better then me 😞

ABC01

Dear Unwanted,

I can understand and empathise on not being able to make friends or find a partner. It does feel like today's society have priorities different and reflective of social media.

People always tell me I am kind. But kindness doesn't get you alot, really. It is nice to know that is how people see me, however that isn't always an attractive trait to people. Meaning, they aren't drawn to it first.

Attraction is important in a relationship, no doubt. But lust fizzles out.

Friendships should be based on personalities and interests.

I am sorry you are experiencing this in your life.

My psychologist said something to me today. They said I may have not found the right treatment that works for me yet. Perhaps you may have not found the right avenue that works for you yet. Not that helpful, right? But at least a glimmer of hope is there.

I commend you for trying events and sites. Have you considered going to groups for friendship or social events, just for friendship and see if any of the people there may have the potential to bloom into a relationship? It may take going to the event/group multiple times to get to know everyone. And have people know you.

Social Anxiety is very real and it may take a few times for people to really open up and be themselves. And if people have a perceived perception of you at the first meeting, time can show them you are not what they think.

I don't know if this has been helpful or not.

But you are among good company here.

ABC01

randomxx

Are you male or female or what op ? , different things for either.

At any rate , l can say one common thing for either though, those things do still matter , the person is everything but unfortunately not to everyone . When you meet that special person though, they'll love you the most for what really matters and who you are and for who you both are as a couple.

rx

Unwanted

I am a 35 year old male if that makes a difference

randomxx

Makes a lot of difference if people want to offer any help bc ok things have changed a lot but as a guy your basically still the hunter. lt's actually l think a bit harder for the girls in that way imo bc if no men are hunting, showing any interest, or the right guy isn't , then things become much more limited.

Yeah they might still get likes on a date site but most of the girls struggle just as much in that way end of day bc apparently v few guys want more than just a bit of fun, heard and read 100s women complain about that, even after yrs and yrs on sites. But then even if one is about more, he has still gotta be that right guy, just like she'd have to be the right girl for you too. So even the date site stuff is more an allusion than reality.

Mind you not to say all people, many do meet and marry too from date sites but just saying.

As a guy though you can get out in life do the things you like doing and when you see that one you do like well, don't need to say more there.

But women are also more limited in that way to bc of safety and things, so yaknow, it's not all bad ea has it's pros and cons right.

Unwanted

I understand and appreciate all you guys and your advice is helping but I also have to add recently I do and have been out there doing my interests and hobbies but I also work six days a week on top of that when I do get dates I show interest, I pay for the coffee or dinner I see the girls laughing or smiling but in the end nothing just a friend zone cause I wasn’t the right one just used for free shit over and over for years it just gets difficult to keep positive and not do something stupid if you know what I mean

ABC01

Dear Unwanted,

I am unsure what you mean by something stupid?

The fact that you are a gentleman and get rejected, really sucks. However a different point of view could be that it is better to know at that time,then be used any further by these people.

I understand the difficulty to stay positive after rejection. But you haven’t given up entirely. So you still have hope. None of these people have been the right one for you. The fact that you work six days a week and are focused on this dilemma must be overwhelming for you.

If you are able to, can you applaud yourself for the things that you are doing and have achieved? All of them are factors in your life and things to be proud of. Perhaps it isn’t you. Perhaps it is actually them. You aren’t lacking.

There is also that old saying. That you find something when you aren’t looking for it. Perhaps a break from actively pursuing this desire,may find yourself in a different place/headspace. Enjoying the hobbies and activities you do participate in. Being in the moment in them. Enjoying them. It doesn’t solve your problems. But it does boost your confidence, mood and self-esteem.

You deserve happiness.

ABC01

Unwanted

Thanks ABC01

i run my own business and I do have times where I get overwhelmed and unsure of myself cause after being cheated on and left cause according to my exes I was quote “not exciting or attractive anymore” even though I would pay for everything, drive everywhere, cook and clean but apparently in 2024 it’s not enough to own your own business, your own apartment or anything of note…unless your tall, handsome and rich women don’t look at me so honestly I have actually started to just do my own hobbies as I feel after this week that there isn’t a woman out there

hope everyone is staying safe