Feeling so, so lost

[ZH]

Hi, I’m 24 and I’m struggling so much. I have not slept a wink tonight. I’ve made a move to a different state and honestly think I’ve made the wrong choice, I just want to be home, but I get the feeling that everyone will judge me for not giving it a proper go. The thought of going to interviews is making me physically sick. I can’t eat at all, I feel helpless. I feel like I’m incapable of doing things that other people find so easy, such as going to interviews. I always think moving would make me feel better, but I’ve always been told you take yourself with you wherever you go. How am I meant to get through things if I can’t do the simple things in life. I’m sorry for this, I just feel alone. I’ve always struggled with horrible anxiety and I think depression is now coming into play. I feel like I’m going to let so many people down If I go back home. Thanks for listening

[Peppermintbach]

Hi ZH,

I can definitely relate to insomnia/sleep deprivation. It’s awful when that happens...

You sound so on edge and very conflicted. I feel a new environment can sometimes trigger or exacerbate all kinds of intense emotions and existing struggles...

I agree with your comment about how we all take ourselves with us wherever we go. That’s very true...about your move, ultimately the decision to stay or move back is yours to make of course. But I can offer my thoughts...

In my opinion, I feel it helps to do what you feel is right for you at the end of the day. I understand that feeling you might be judged is a very painful and real fear. That being said, I wonder if perhaps the people from your home state won’t be nearly as harsh as you worry with their judgement if you end up deciding to return...

But on the other hand, to some extent, I think it’s normal to feel very nervous and fearful after making a big move. I think it can take some time to settle into a new place, and the change in environment can trigger all kinds of overwhelming emotions, which doesn’t necessarily mean relocating was the “wrong” choice...

I suppose what I’m getting at is perhaps figuring out whether your current feelings is a normal part of settling into/adapting to a new environment, in which case, it’s something which you could possibly overcome with time. Or if it’s a genuine indication that this isn’t the “right” environment. I suppose what I’m gently suggesting is perhaps working out what’s behind your emotions could help you decide whether you want to stay or move back...

In any case, though I haven’t done it yet, I often fantasise about moving. Sometimes interstate and sometimes overseas in my case. I know it’s not the same as you, as you’ve bravely done it (I admire your courage by the way) whereas I’m still pretty in my head at this point.

I’m not sure if I’ve been particularly helpful. But I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone, and that it’s a safe space here to continue to talk through any fears and feelings here with us (if you wish).

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[ZH]

Thank you for replying Pepper

I think you’re right, I need to work out whats behind my emotions. I think the lack of sleep isn’t helping. I need to get out and about today and eat properly.

Ive never really dealt with insomnia like this before, it really does take its toll on you.

I really appreciate your advice and thank you again for replying. I feel a little less alone 🙂

[Birdy77]

Dear ZH,

You are definitely not alone. I'm joining lovely Pepper here to assure you of that.

I moved to a completely new area a few years ago, and I have the same thoughts as you are "have I done the wrong thing?" on and off all the time. I think maybe it's a natural reaction to a big change like that, maybe because we're out of what was our safety zone, so everything feels unfamiliar and edgy?

The thing is that you can always go home if you want to. That thought has comforted me, and here I am three years down the track now. If you keep that in mind, it might allow you to let go a bit of that anxiety, let it loosen its grip a little bit.

If you do decide to go back, it actually doesn't matter what anybody thinks about whether you gave it enough of a go or not. The only opinion that matters is yours. It is your life, and your decisions to make.

As Pepper wisely suggested, trying to figure out what's behind your thoughts and feelings will help you to sort things out a bit better.

Going to interviews is nerve wracking, and not everybody finds it easy do not worry, you are not alone there. They can be excruciating for those of us with anxiety issues. Be gentle with yourself and do not beat yourself up over that.

I hope you feel better getting out and about today and get some proper healthy food into your body.

🌻birdy

[ZH]

Thank you for your reply birdy!

I really needed it, I feel a lot less alone now.

I hope I can push through and end up enjoying it, like you have. I know it’s a big change, and I do need to be kinder to myself.

Thank you again. It’s been nice talking about it. Sometimes I feel like I bother people in my life if I talk about anxiety.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi ZH (and a wave to birdy and all),

Aren’t you lovely to write back to us? 🙂 I’m glad my post helped you feel a little comforted and less alone. I agree with you that insomnia has a way of leaking into all areas of life...mood, thinking, etc...

If you ever want to unpack anything else, vent or chat, you know where to find us...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Birdy77]

Dear ZH,

It is a massive change, and it will take time to settle in. Please be more gentle with yourself and always know that nothing has to be permanent, you can always move again if you decide that's right for you.

I understand what you mean, lots if people who don't have anxiety do not understand all the things that go through our heads and cause us headaches, when to them, they just cruise on through.

That's why it is great to be able to talk things out here with others who get it.

As Pepper said, you're always welcome here to talk about absolutely anything that's bothering you, no matter how big or small.

I hope you got some sleep (have you tried any meditation apps or tracks on Spotify etc in the night when you can't sleep? Ive found them helpful).

🌻birdy

[ZH]

Thank you so much Pepper,

I have managed to sleep a bit last night, and hoping to get some more tonight. Feeling a bit better after some sleep.

Thank you again, and I’m sure it won’t be long before I’m back. I have a trial on Friday for a job. I’m so nervous, but I’m trying not to put so much pressure on myself.

Thank you again, it really does mean so much! 🙂

[ZH]

Thank you Birdy!

I get so stuck in my own head, anxiety is so awful. It feels really nice to speak about it with people who understand and are so kind.

I’ve suffered with extreme anxiety my whole life, and obsessive thoughts. I think I’m always going to have it, I just need to get better at managing it. I definitely think change is a big trigger, and sometimes the easiest thing is for me to jump to the easiest solution. I definitely don’t want to go home without giving this a proper go.

Im going to a trial on Friday for a job, and I’m petrified. I will try and be kinder to myself though.

I have tried a couple of meditation apps and might try them again!

thank you again for listening to me, it’s helping me a lot. 🙂

[Birdy77]

Dear ZH,

I can certainly relate to getting stuck in your own mind! I often get trapped in mine, like a front loading washing machine where the door locks itself and round and round all the thoughts and worries churn.

How did you go with your work trial yesterday? I hope you were ok.

🌻birdy