Hello Michael 24,
I am a member like yourself. I joined the forums in May this year. I was looking for a place to feel safe and hopefully somebody might read my words then write back to me.
I wanted to feel heard as well as have my feelings acknowledged.
This has happened for me and I am so very grateful for finding Beyond Blue. I wanted to share that with you, if that might be part of what you are hoping for.
Your story reached me. I feel so very much for the loss of a more stable beginning for you. Very painful and it is no small wonder that your opening words were of feeling very lost and unhappy all of the time. You mentioned living on the streets from a very young age and this culminating in detention at the age of 14. That in itself without loss of your mother during that time. So much more to follow is so very much for a young person to endure. For any aged person. Now your partner leaving recently. Again more loss.
Loss after loss is traumatic and grief is in the mix. I have experienced chronic trauma from loss yet very different to yours. It takes it’s toll eventually and feeds the depression and anxiety.
All of this and probably much more that you have endured has led to you suffering depression and anxiety. I am not at all surprised. You are a human being no different to anyone else. Anyone dealing with that would be suffering some level of mental illness.
I have lived with symptoms of depression and anxiety from a very young age just not diagnosed until older.
I understand you asking the question “is it my fault; am I the problem?” Too much for one person natural reaction must be me.
The answer is a very definite no it is not your fault at all.
You deserve to be cared for and loved the same as anyone else losing a family.
Have you a regular doctor who you feel safe showing what you have written here? You can ask for a referral to a grief and trauma Counsellor.
You might want to ring the counsellors suggested by Sophie. Moderators are here to help us and they are very supportive.
Given time and the right help you can get through this and look forward to finding you.
I just wish that I could give you a big motherly hug as you deserve that so much.
I think that in spite of everything there is a gentleness about you.
You are so very very brave and I believe very strong even though you are worn down at the moment.
please follow this up soon and keep on writing here if you feel comfortable in doing so.
You also need not go into more detail as it is important to keep your identity confidential and safe whenever online.
I hope that I have not said too much or come across as confusing. I want you to feel comfortable here.
Hopefully other members with varying experience will respond to you soon also.
Don’t worry if you feel overwhelmed either. I was lost too.
You are good at asking questions. Keep on that will serve you well.
Please take care of yourself. You might feel more vulnerable now also. That is natural too.
Michael24 Rest up tonight and be very gentle with yourself.
Emotions 26
I call myself Em for short
