Feeling lost

[tryingtoreGENerate]

I'm almost 30, and have watched so many of my friends get married and now start having children. I am not an outgoing person and dont know a lot of men, so do not have any prospects. I am somewhat overweight and losing weight does not come naturally or quickly to me despite trying. I have only ever had proper interest from 3 men. 2 who took advantage of me when I was bigger, and 1 that was only interested in me when I was slimmer. I have tried online dating and have been repeatedly "ghosted" (aka. a couple of dates then they vanish without a word). I work full time at a job I really try my best to succeed but get steamrolled by colleagues who are trying to get to the top and dont respect me or listen to what I have to say. I have some really lovely friends and feel fortunate to have them, however my nice friends are mostly married and their spare time is often occupied. I have a few single "friends" who seem to latch on to me and who I dont really enjoy spending time with or even like, but dont know how to get rid of them. I thankfully enjoy my own company and find that spending time by myself is often a lot safer and less anxiety inducing, but I know I cant sustain spending too much time on my own mentally and would love to meet a man or a decent friend. I often feel defeated by the world and let down by people who push their own agendas on to me and give me no opportunity to tell them no. I wish I had more confidence and power and I have been told by so many people to "just be more confident" but offer no real help or insight on how to do this. Does anyone else feel powerless in their world? I worked so hard to create a career for myself and feel good, but now that Im here I feel weak and small.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Lack of confidence and stigma of being overweight is a recipe for added mental illnesses and a life of a hermit perhaps down the track. That should be avoided but how?

There are a number of proactive things to do with your own life, your own thinking processes that might need changing. I know, I am overweight about 130kg...ok 133 and when younger (I'm 63yo) lacked much confidence, in fact most of the time I asked a woman out for a date I had to be tipsy. Not recommended!

So what happened. Well firstly I had realized at age 26yo that I was a negative thinker, my own worst enemy. By chance when I thought that, I attended a lecture -

Google- Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

Then a few years later I had a stressful workplace incident that saw me attend a therapist. Being much more positive since that lecture I saw this therapist as a positive...and he was.

Beyondblue topic running around trying to save the world

Beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?

But there was still errors being made by me. I was over focused on some areas of my life like work but neglect other areas like the need for holidays so eventually I burnt myself out.

Beyondblue topic the balance of your life

Beyondblue topic holidays

So, by then I realized I might have some mental illness. I had always been emotionally sensitive and immature. I could however work in the RAAF, a prison officer at 21yo, a dog ranger and investigator....but the amount of crying I did was way out of normal.

Eventually I got a proper diagnosis of bipolar2, depression anxiety and dysthymia. It all fell into place. With proper meds and dosage things began to fall into place.

Now, I realise there is positive in nearly everything in life. Dysthymia, depression is responsible for a million tears but it also gifted me my priceless poetry that I use to help victims of crime is a good example.

So lets look at that balance you seem to have not quite right. As overweight people we would serve ourselves best to accept ourselves as being so and to do a darn good job at trying to lose a little here and there. To eat one less potato, a few strands of pasta less, skim milk in coffee and work towards no sugar. Some of those moves can save us from diabetes later on. All we should expect from ourselves is some effort- nothing more. Nothing more.

So, confidence, liking yourself.

Beyondblue topic Confidence- how do you get it?

Beyondblue topic do you like yourself

I hope I've helped

TonyWK