Feeling Broken

[Ladybug2]

Hi. I'm new here. I have just been signed off work with anxiety. I have a stressful job in healthcare and have had several times where I just couldn't work...longest being 6 months in 2018. I feel very down and lost. I have no energy or patience for my 3 kids or my husband and have no motivation to do really anything. I spend a lot of time in bed.

I know about all the things that will make me feel a bit better ,exercise, good food, fresh air, routine...but I don't have the energy or motivation to do anything. Everything is an effort and I'm so tired. I've been experiencing panic attacks and feel short of breath a lot of the time. This is frightening and debilitating but my GP won't give me anything for this.

Not sure how work will respond re me taking time off but no one from management has enquired about how I am. They just thanked me for my medical certificate. I feel let down as all my anxiety and stresses started due to issues at work and most of these have not been addressed by mgmt. I'm a very different person from when I started this position 6 years ago, not in a good way.

not sure how this will all end. Just waiting to feel better.

Thanks for listening x

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

You do work in a place that has risk of high anxiety. Wrong as it is, management likely have many employees off work so they might expect it. Hence no follow up.

I'm sorry you're going through such an ordeal. In fact I was in a similar situation in 1987. I was in low level law enforcement and I had to leave my job to avoid any further mental health damage. Speaking from experience I have to suggest you seek another career because the chances of your anxiety dwindling away is very remote.

Anxiety is an illness often underrated by most people including sufferers. It took me 22 years to eliminate it. Eliminating it is rare.

Another suggestion is seeking 2 or 3 part time jobs rather than one full time. And no shift work, it can be harmful on those with MI.

Please google the following

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

TonyWK

[Mark Z.]

Hi Ladybug2,

I'm so sorry for your challenge. Hopefully everything will get better.

You mentioned that your anxiety and stresses started due to issues at work, do you want to share more details? If it's long-term burnout without any sign or hope of recovery, you may need to consider to change your career (industry). If it's because of toxic company culture but you still love your role as a healthcare professional, then maybe you just need to change the company.

Regarding lack of motivation to do anything, sometimes it's very hard to have the self-motivation. If you think your husband is not super helpful or patient, is there anyone else you can rely on? For example, other family members or close friends. Or, you can try to seek help from a peer support worker or peer group, that has lived experience, can understand you deeply and can provide long term on-going support.

Mark

[geoff]

Hello Ladybug, and welcome to the site.

Feeling like this and the responsibility of looking after 3 kids, husband as well as working is certainly not easy as much is expected from you but you simply can't do anything is quite acceptable feeling this way.

This has nothing to do with being lazy at all and I say this because that's exactly what I experienced and it's not easy trying to explain this to your family, sometimes they don't comprehend.

Was your doctor helpful in giving you the medical certificate, and I only ask this because they didn't give you any medication, but you still have the right to see another doctor if you want further assistance.

Please take care.

Geoff.

[BeforeCare]

Ladybugs, thank you for sharing.

Working in healthcare in these times is super stressful and with trying to keep on top of your life (ie house, children) working in a stressful job can make you loose it all.

Youve done the right think by taking some time off, I suggest speaking with your GP (or another one) and making a plan, not working at all can be just as damaging for your mental health. I was diagnosed when I was off work for 5 months forced leave and not having the fulfillment of work and feeling like a failure impacted on my mental health too.

I'm currently working only part time and am incabaple of working more but that wont be forever.

What ages are your children? I have 3 too 🙂

What are the reasons behind the stressors of work and have you thought about making a work cover claim? I was bullied at work, then forced to resign when I was medically incapable of working there at all. Resigning (and getting claim benefits) allowed me to look at all what I really wanted to do, and it is to work, in my profession, I was just ruined from a toxic workplace.

It sounds like you know what to do, physically, but you probably need help with the motivation. I struggle with this still and it's a vicious cycle of knowing but not being able to do.

As for the anxiety, despite all my know managment styles, the best thing my GP did was write up some meds, I barely needed them but knowing they were there, and they worked, relieved so many full blown attacks.

[Ladybug2]

Thanks so much for your reply. It is a stressful area however i have found that it is the organisation and the 'hoops' I have to jump through that creates the most stress for me, not my clinical work. I think the most disappointing thing is there have been many colleagues that have had to take time off or left due to how the place is run and there has been no real changes to make things better. We are all a very non complaining lot, much to our detrement. Fortunately it should be fairly straightforward for me to change to a different area but in the meantime it feels awful.

I suddenly realised last week that there will never be any substantial change to how the place is run and I am fed up with having to defend my corner all the time. It's exhausting. I'm having a bit better day today.

Thanks for your support.

[Ladybug2]

Thanks Mark.

I feel my issues are a long slow burn out caused by longterm inadequate professional support, increased workload, inadequate management, increasingly complex caseload, lack of mgmt understanding of my work and stresses. Up until 2 years ago it was also a very toxic work environment but thankfully that has improved. I could go on but fortunately i have realised that 1) these issues are not going to be resolved with the current ppl in management and they are not going anywhere! 2) i have realised I have come to the end of my ability to fight my corner 3) i cannot do this job anymore as it is too damaging to me mentally 4) I need to find another job with more professional support.

My husband is very supportive. He has been suggesting that I leave this job for 2 years as he cares about me and not so much about money. However through fear I have stayed. I am the main bread winner and get paid well so the thought of going back to be financially stretched is very scarey. Also the loss of the security of a perm full time job is worrying.

Fortunately my career allows me to work in lots of different areas so I'm going to pursue something different.

Thanks for your support.

[Ladybug2]

Hi Geoff.

Thanks for your reply. I feel that there is a lot of expectation and pressure put on everyone nowadays. I feel parents have a really tough job as so much is expected of them. I feel a pretty inadequate parent most of the time. My kids watch too much TV,ipad ,have too much crappy food, aren't involved in many activities out of school, don't play outside much, aren't top of the class in school. But they are happy, engaging ppl who have empathy and interest in the world. They all love school, love their dogs and love their family and friends. I know these are the important things but the constant bombardment from the media re good parenting knocks my ability to see that I am doing an ok job.

It seems being average and content now is not acceptable. It seems if you are not striving for ' bigger, better, faster more' than somehow you are failing. This message is hard to ignore when I am feeling already down and anxious.

Juggling a job, kids, your own health and a relationship is really hard work and exhausting however as many of us do this it becomes seen as 'normal' and, I have found that empathy for ppl who are struggling is lacking. I've had comments such as 'everyone is in the same boat" , " so and so has much more on her plate than you and she's ok" etc. Sometimes I do step back and think " what the hell am I doing running around like a mad thing" I'm 50 next year( although I have smallish children grade 3, 4 and 😎 I need more from life than the rat race and being stressed all the time.

I think as parents many of us are uncomfortable saying " this is crap" especially, in my instance I went through 8 years of IVF to get my kids. We are told we should be eternally thankful and happy and calm and rationale and grateful and content however this is not my reality and I feel constantly guilty and judged.

sorry for the rant. It's nice to write this stuff down. I'm feeling a bit better.

Thanks for listening

[Ladybug2]

Thanks Before Care.

My kids are in grade 3,4 and 8 so still fairly young.

You are right in saying that not working can also have a detrimental affect on mental health. I feel like that. I crave time off but then when I'm at home I'm totally lost. Of course there is always house stuff to do but I am not good at motivating myself to do this...my husband is so much better that's why I'm the FT worker and he is PT.

I've realised I do need the routine of work and I enjoy what I do when I am with patients. I just don't enjoy all the corporate stresses and huge expectations put on me. The workplace has been toxic in the past and I am still scarred by this however a little better now.

The panic attacks are scary and have been pretty bad. I'm seeing my GP again tomorrow so will ask her. I feel that there is a reluctance to prescribe short acting meds as I know they can be addictive but I feel I need something in those times when deep breathing does not work.

I do feel that I am a failure as I couldn't deal with my work stresses and it has ended like this.

Thanks for listening

[jaz28]

Hi ladybug2,

Welcome, I hope you find us to be supportive and caring, we're all here for many reasons and understand.

I am sorry you are going through this. You said you spoke to your GP - have you spoken about a mental health care plan? That really helped me to get through my anxiety, which included seeing a psychologist, would you be open to this?

It can be hard to manage everything when you feel like this, and that is okay. We all struggle in life. We are here for you and can help talk it out as best we can. The best way I got through my anxiety is with a psychologist.

Love

Jaz.