Even at 60

[Guest_3639]

Hello to all the courageous out there

At this next stage in my life, I had hoped to have gain wisdom and life skills in order to help deal and push forward in the positive. However, I find myself sorely lacking in life's skills when dealing with people and coping with loneliness. For me, I find that I am still unable to make new friends or if I do, hold onto them. I find that I am always the one who initiates the phone call or organises the get togethers. Yet if I don't make the first move, then the only thing I hear are crickets. My phone may as well be switched off. My children call only when they need something and I get to see my Grandchild once every two or so months, even though he lives 10 minutes away.

I do not for one minute play the victim as I take responsibility for my actions, however, I can't shake the feeling that perhaps I am not so likeable after all, even though when I do call, the caller is genuinely happy to hear from or meet with me. My self doubts run deep and I've had many years to cultivate those negative self worth feelings.

My age appears to be a barrier in making new friends, as most my age either have their circle of friends or just don't push past the cordial greetings and light banter. I am lonely. I feel worthless, no longer needed, after a lifetime of raising a family and helping others. It's as if I am now invisible in societies eyes and of no value, even though I hold a life's time worth of knowledge and education.

I can empathise with the lonely, yet I am unable to push past this wall of self doubt and futile feelings. I acknowledge I am depressed, but I fight each and everyday to the point of despair. Indifference is now plaguing me as a defence mechanism. I love to laugh, live, I walk with a smile on my face, I engage and accept. I am good people, yet what's wrong with me?

[Ggrand]

Hello Blank page...

I am sorry for your feelings of loneliness, it’s a very familiar emotion for me...

I moved into a small village rural NSW..been her now for 7 years and have made one close friend and a neighbour who blows hot and cold...

I lost my husband 8 years ago and with him being very controlling...I had to learn many life skills and to be honest still learning...😁..

My children and grandchildren are over 380 kilometres from me, with both my sons and partners working I don’t get to see them or my grandchildren very much...Its been over 2 years since I have seen them..It hurts...hurts a lot being so far away...but I’ve no choice, not financial enough to move...

I joined these forums a very broken person..the support and care I received from the community members and at times from the BB staff has been life saving for me...I really do hope that you continue to talk here and that by doing so...you don’t feel so alone..

My kind thoughts dear Blank page with my care..

Grandy..

[Guest_3639]

Thank you Grandy

You come across as strong and the carrier of wisdom. I am sorry for your loss and that of your family. At the same token, wonderfully enlightened to hear you've grow towards betterment. Champion.

I too hope to continue my path to self betterment. As is, I am feeling like an worthless jalopy and ready for the scrap heap. In some ways I can relate to your situation. I've experienced a hard childhood along with a marriage that saw me demoralised. I have only ever been made to feel unworthy.

Having been taught no social skills, my life was learnt at 16 when I left home. My children are grown and I was taught to never burden others with my troubles. In short, I am now left lonely and a heart that aches for acceptance. I miss my family dearly and I feel, appreciate and understand your hurt very much so. Big hug...

It has been encouraging to participate on this forum. That I am not a burden or stupid to want to reach out for help.

Good luck with your endeavours and I wish you all the best.

[Hanna3]

Blank page,

I think try joining a book club if you read, and I'd really recommend a U3a class in the new year. That stands for University of the Third Age and they are group classes run all over Australia for mature age people. They are quite cheap and do everything from gentle exercise to history or current affairs or card games or French language.

If you google U3a and whatever area you live in you should be able to find them.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I have a thread called Anyone spent days alone with nobody to talk to. You're welcome to join me there, it's fairly quiet at the moment but you've already met Grandy here and she chats with me there as well as several other ladies.

These forums can be a great source of support and friendship!

🙂💞🐕🎶🌻🌹

[quirkywords]

Blank page

Yes these forums are full of caring courageous people who will listen.

I think many people will relate to your posts and your feeling of feeling isolated and lonely.

Many more people read posts than answer them so your posts are helping people not feel so alone as they can connect to your words.

I feel there are so many people who feel lonely at our age but also don’t want to burden others.
Hana’s suggestion about a book club sounds helpful snd I think there are online groups too.

I love books too and I used to have a bookshop.

I think this is a. Important discussion.
I appreciate your feed back.

[Hanna3]

Hi quirky

I think older women do unfortunately tend to form tight cliques and are very unwelcoming to anyone new. I think it's actually due to feeling insecure and scared of anyone they don't know.

It makes it very hard for anyone who is lonely and in need of friends!

I think the best strategy is to go where other people who are alone go, and share a common interest.

That's why I recommend U3a classes as so many women have told me they have joined them to meet people.

It's a shame we women aren't more welcoming.

People here on BB do offer online company and support. It's a real help.

🙂🐕💌

[quirkywords]

Blank page,

I think over my life I have moved a bit and so have had to make friends which I find hard.
I agree about life skills.

I thought that wisdom comes with age but I am not so sure now but maybe I am not old enough yet!,

Hana , I am not sure if it is just older women who form tight cliques. I have found with covid people in general seem reluctant to meet new people.
I agree about joining a group with a common interest is a good idea.

[Hanna3]

U3a classes are usually one or two hours a week and they always have a break for a cuppa so people get a chance to talk.

I've wanted to do them here but they've been off due to covid but in the new year hopefully they will start up again.

Another idea is aqua aerobics at a swim centre!

Blank page, what about helping with riding for the disabled?

I'm putting out some random thoughts! 😊☕🍰

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Blank page,

People, especially the ones that are supposed to nurture us with love and kindness and help us to grow into confident young adults , who instead put us down all the time, makes us want to escape that situation ..which I did..and then only to marry at 18 to a narcissist man, I thought I was free from the abuse of my childhood, only to find I was in a worse situation then before....If my husband didn’t pass away..I would no doubt still be in my controlling and abuse marriage.

Having all my life being what I call a “slave” to my parents then my husbands every whim...made me into someone that didn’t have an identity, who was scared of people, not trusting no one and well...I suppose I could say I felt like a 3 yr.. abandoned child in an adults body.

One shopping trip I broke down in the shop...taken to hospital..I had my first encounter with a mh nurse, a psychologist and psychiatrist....and they all started me toward the right way to wellness....It took quite a few years but now I can shop on my own without any support worker, and I volunteered a few ago with a charity shop...I’m still volunteering their...Which has helped me to learn to trust people and interact with them....It has been a long hard road, but so very much worth it.

Yes right now you might feel like a worthless jalopy ready for the scrap heap...but in fact your not...your rebuilding your confidence, learning life skills, learning to trust again...Like that jalopy lovely Blank page..you can turn it into a Rolls Royce...with a bit of help from professionals...if you want to go that way...Maybe when you feel up to it chat to your GP....no pressure at all....We will always be here for you with our love and care...you’re a member of this wonderful BB family, never alone.

What are your thoughts on volunteering a day or two a week?...also your local council or library might run a few different courses on things your passionate about...craft, knitting, computer skills, etc. Maybe sweet lady it’s something that when you feel strong enough to ring them to find out what they have to offer.

Life on our own is hard Lovely Blank page...I have a lot of faith in you... you are a survivor of a demoralising marriage....You are strong, you are worthy, you are beautiful and you can learn to live and have a beautiful life...Just like your beautiful soul...One thing that mean people can do is hurt us...but they cannot take a way our beliefs.

My care and hugs precious Blank page.

Grandy..

[Petal22]

Yes you will get there 😊

Have you ever tried meditation?

I credit meditation for getting me over the line with the severe anxiety OCD condition I had.

It taught me that I’m not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts.

[Guest_3639]

I wish to express my deepest regards to all those who took the time to reply with such generosity of soul and richness of advice.

I am humbled and grateful.

As expressed in replies I read, I can relate to some and is comforted to know that it is of no shame to seek help when required.

I used COVID lockdown as an excuse to justify my loneliness. That due to restrictions I have an excuse as to why I am alone and lonely. It helped alleviate my shame and guilt of not being able to make friends or why no one cared enough to call or check in on me. So I took on renovation tasks around the house and it kept me occupied and somewhat satisfied. When restrictions were lifted, my excuse was exposed and realisation had struck hard, that I can now move about freely, yet where do I go? Who wants me? Who called to go out? Where's my social life?

For me it's shameful and upsetting. That here I am, someone who has survived abuse, mistrust, betrayal, made to feel I didn't belong or inferior that I had to prove I myself worthy etc. Demoralising, humiliating blows not only to my self esteem, but to my very core of Being.

The past is the past and most I have come to terms with, however, the emotional and physical scars are still there and I am in some ways paralysed or reminded in times of doubt or uncertainty. I falter as I have no one to bounce ideas off or can talk to. That is up until now. :))

I still have a boiling pot of emotions, swirling at the base of my throat and hurting my heart, but I am determined to move forward, even if it's an inch at a time.

I wish all those who have fought their own battles and are still fighting the good fight, the very best in life. That you continue to grow in peace, love and acceptance of oneself and find with joy and contentment what you are seeking.

Blessings to all

Blank page (hoping to fill this page with a fruitful future.)