Even at 60
Hello to all the courageous out there
At this next stage in my life, I had hoped to have gain wisdom and life skills in order to help deal and push forward in the positive. However, I find myself sorely lacking in life's skills when dealing with people and coping with loneliness. For me, I find that I am still unable to make new friends or if I do, hold onto them. I find that I am always the one who initiates the phone call or organises the get togethers. Yet if I don't make the first move, then the only thing I hear are crickets. My phone may as well be switched off. My children call only when they need something and I get to see my Grandchild once every two or so months, even though he lives 10 minutes away.
I do not for one minute play the victim as I take responsibility for my actions, however, I can't shake the feeling that perhaps I am not so likeable after all, even though when I do call, the caller is genuinely happy to hear from or meet with me. My self doubts run deep and I've had many years to cultivate those negative self worth feelings.
My age appears to be a barrier in making new friends, as most my age either have their circle of friends or just don't push past the cordial greetings and light banter. I am lonely. I feel worthless, no longer needed, after a lifetime of raising a family and helping others. It's as if I am now invisible in societies eyes and of no value, even though I hold a life's time worth of knowledge and education.
I can empathise with the lonely, yet I am unable to push past this wall of self doubt and futile feelings. I acknowledge I am depressed, but I fight each and everyday to the point of despair. Indifference is now plaguing me as a defence mechanism. I love to laugh, live, I walk with a smile on my face, I engage and accept. I am good people, yet what's wrong with me?
Hi there Blank Page and welcome!
I don't know if you're a guy or gal but I'm in my sixties and yes finding new friends is really hard!
I haven't got long to write now but will be back later but I want to welcome you to BB.
Can you give me any ideas about your interests and hobbies and if you live in a city or regional area?
I am in a regional town and have found doing music has offered me a great connection. There are courses for our age group at the library from time to time.
If you can let us know what kind of things you like to do? What about volunteering?
I agree we can feel on the scrap heap if we let this happen, you have to fight against it!
Looking forward to hearing a bit about you?
I too welcome you and thanks for your post.
Hanna has written a welcoming and supportive post with ideas.
I am also in my 60s and in 20 months in this new town I have found it hard to make friends.
I started volunteering at a charity shop and have met friendly people but only seem when I volunteer there not outside shop.
It is hard I went to a public speaking group but was not contacted again.
I keep trying and a t our age it can take longer. One person who has been in town about as me time has me seems friendly.
You are not alone and we are listening.
Thank you for your kind reply. Are you a musician? Music or rhythm is a talent I do not possess, so I admire your skill set. I am a Grandmother, mother of two adults. I am grateful for allot of things, however, (there always appears to be a however. :)) ) I lack confidence in making friends.
I have replaced boredom on some occasions with studies, volunteering and activities.
Volunteering in most cases, escalated from only a few hours per week, to four or five days in the week. Demand and shortages saw me rise to those occasions much to my detriment.
I enjoy a good book, horse riding, driving, socialising etc.
Its hard for me, as I feel invisible, my voice doesn't carry and I am pretty much a good but quiet person, who for me, has outlived her usefulness. I do hold a great deal of empathy towards others and listen to those who speak to me. I am scared to open my mouth for fear of screwing things up. Pathetic really for someone my age.
Once again I appreciate you taking the time to recognise and address me. Cheers
Thank you for listening and your supportive reply. I hope that you are successful soon with your endeavours and that I admire your courage and conviction.
Having dealt with empty nest syndrome and various unexpected changes in my life, I now find those friends of past have followed natures course (in some cases) and moved on in their lives, leaving a gap in mine. I have tried local bowlo's, clubs etc., but everyone has their circle of friends and when I approach or initiate the response is polite but disinterested. I do hate sitting alone, as I am alone and very lonely.
I wish you the best and hoping happiness is found in your new surrounds.
Thank you and take care
Hi Blank page,
It is really hard at this age, as you've said, people already have their social groups and cliques.
I moved here just before covid, so that's made it extra hard! A friend put me onto music which is quite big here and I'm learning a couple of instruments and finding the people nice.
Mostly I think you have to start with aquantences - I use the library a lot and so I have good chats with a few of the staff there whenever I go.
I also go to outdoor cafes and people often start chatting, and I walk my dog and that is a good way to meet other dog owners.
You could try a book club. There is a migrant support group here and I did meet some nice women through that although I don't see them often.
It helps to remember you only need a couple of good friends. I think you just have to keep getting out there, it's trial and error really...
I find now I've been here a couple of years I rely quite heavily on the casual aquaintences I've made. You just have to go slowly at this stage. It was easy to make friends when I was working.
It sounds like you've been doing all the right things and it's just plain hard at this stage!
What about church, here the women meet for coffee each week. Can you see if anything is on at your local library? What about a U3a course, these run locally in most areas and now the Covid restrictions are easing they should be back on next year and heaps of people do them to make friends. You could Google your area and take a look at what's available.
Meantime people here are very helpful and supportive.
I don't know if any of this helps...I know how hard it is!