Estranged from my teenage sons

[Haris]

I haven’t had ad any contact with my boys for two years . Their mother simply says it’s their choice not to see me and does nothing to change this . It all started with a party my oldest threw when they were with me one weekend . I had to go to work for a couple of hours and came home to find over 20 teens in my apartment , drunk and rowdy . After throwing them out , my son was ostracised by his friends and he ended up blaming me .

Everyday without hearing from them just kills me . To be honest , I do t think I’ll ever see them again and that thought just devastates me 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Haris,

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with your sons. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with the pain of estrangement, especially under such circumstances. I can tell that you care deeply about your relationship with your children.

I think it can be helpful to reflect on the events that led to the current estrangement. Understanding your son's perspective on the incident might help you approach him with empathy. If you feel that your actions (like returning home late or reacting strongly to the party) contributed to the estrangement, a sincere apology might go a long way.

Maybe you can put a letter or email as it allows you to express your feelings without putting them on the spot. Or, ask a trusted mutual acquaintance for a mediation.

I'm not an expert in this and I found my 10 year old boy also hard to be managed, but I hope you will be able to gradually rebuild the relationship with your child.

Warmly,

Mark