At my wits end. I need to vent.

[Not so whimsy]

Hi there, 

This is my first post. I have contemplated posting but always thought against it.

Well tonight just got the better of me a I was triggered to tears, I’ve had a gut full and feel like I’m just going round in circles. I need to vent.

I try to break the negativity cycle, it just keeps going I’m so exhausted. I feel sad, used, walked over, unheard and ragged on almost on a daily basis. 
Here’s just a couple of things: 

I have been trying to get a promotion consistently for the last 3-4 years and keep getting knocked back. As I want to improve my family lifestyle. I train people that end up getting promoted over me again and again. (Found out another colleague got promoted today and in both cases I gave them certificates of appreciation for their work and contributions, when I was their supervisor).🥺

Come home to a husband that disagrees/combative and negative towards women, I never know what mood he’ll be in so I do what I do listen to gripes that end up being my fault. (He was pulling the blind down and got it hooked on the door and mumbles “Only happens when she’s home”)😢

I just saw tonight that my sister and brother in law that live interstate just put their second rental house up for residents. 😞

I cook something quick and simple for tea. (Tick, that was good) Go to have a shower after tidying up only to find one of my cats had shat in my pjs. 😤

I just cried in the shower. 
At least I’m glad to say that I think my son was happy to see me.

I know that these examples are nothing compared to what others deal with and I’m thankful for that.

But I ask myself is this all me, what the hell is wrong with you.  

thanks for listening

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I'm so sorry that you're going through all this. It's definitely a lot. I can see how frustrating and exhausting it is for you. It's overwhelming at this moment and maybe a bit of a break to clear your head and recharge so you have energy to deal with it all might help to start with.

It seems that your work doesn't appreciate you as much as they should. Maybe it's your manager and it might be worth a talk to human resources. If that doesn't work, maybe it's time to find another job and get the position that you do deserve.

Also at home you don't have much of a break. Your husband seems to have his own emotionality and negativity problems that he needs help with as it's not healthy. It's not fair to be treated like that.

Sometimes finding a way to clear your head through relaxation techniques and start with small steps to solve your situation might help. It's definitely a lot to deal with and it can make it easier to change it all.

I hope things will get better for you, please feel free to share your troubles with us as it helps quite a bit too so you can start taking steps towards better life

[Not so whimsy]

Thank you TrueSeeker for your kind words. 
I like your suggestions and I’ll give them a go.

[therising]

Hi Not so whimsy

I feel for you, I really do, and can relate to the question 'Is this all me, what the hell is wrong with you?'. And while I agree that others face challenges far more intense than my own, it still doesn't stop our ability to sense tiny little progressions down into what can feel like some deep dark well also known as a depression. 

The reason I highlight 'ability to sense' is based on the challenges that can come with such an ability. Btw, I don't think anyone really warns us when it comes to all the ways in which that ability develops. Before you know it, it's well developed at some point. Take being a parent for example. We have to develop the ability to sense the best way forward, while being a guide for our child (no matter their age). We develop the ability to sense the need for compassion, the need for patience, the need for a more open mind, the need to be more of a visionary and the need for so much more than what's on this list. Before you know it, you're well on the way to being a well practiced sensitive, empath and seer 😊. Then there are all the people beyond just our child or children who push us or challenge us to develop these incredible abilities. 

I've found there comes a point, throughout such self development, where you can start to question through sensing your own needs. 'Where the heck is the compassion for me? Where's the open mind I need others to have for me? Where are the positive or constructive visions I wish people had for me or us (relationship wise)? Where the heck's the guidance I desperately need for me? Why can others not sense in the ways I do? Why do so many people feel insensitive, with the inability to sense what I wish they would or could?'. Hmmm 🤔. When it comes to the highs and lows of life, who's raising us and who's bringing us down and how are we raising ourself?

As a 55yo gal, I'm currently going through a stage of my life that's demanding of me that I set boundaries and demanding that I raise the bar when it comes to how I allow others to treat me. Yes, there are a number of not so happy people around me at the moment. When you go from being a regular people pleaser to not being so automatically pleasing or pleasant, it really does tend to trigger people 😁. Personally, I've found that when I go through serious and intense times of self development, serious and intense self questioning comes with such times. 'What the hell is wrong with me?', among many other challenging questions, is not an uncommon question.

While every challenge in life can lead us to feel like we're going around in circles or cycles, with self development and greater self understanding we're constantly cycling up. We're graduating through life. Can definitely be far from easy, that's for sure, especially while in the dark part of the cycles (the part that demands some form of enlightenment/revelation).