Husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2016, died at home February last year.
I found the grief extremely difficult.
My husband bought a German Shepherd puppy 3 months after he was diagnosed for companionship and protection for me (we'd always had Shepherds throughout our marriage, so were well versed with raising them). My wonderful husband also bought him so I would focus on loving him, caring for him, etc knowing it would give me something to get up for in the mornings, rather than fall in a heap.
After my husband died, our Shepherd became very aggressive towards anyone other than family members. I tried 3 different trainers, which actually made his aggression worse. He even bit friends who used to come over. Apparently he was a "fear biter" and had some major anxiety problems. I had him booked into the dog psychologist, but at the cost of $990 for a consult, I had to wait to get the money, which wasn't going to happen until the house was sold (had to sell as a requirement of the bank to satisfy the mortgage).
After house was sold, it was impossible to find rented accommodation for a large German Shepherd and two cats. I ended up having to stay in a small caravan with the Shepherd, in an extremely busy, noisy, dog friendly caravan park, all of which were extremely stressful for the Shepherd, after having to give the cats to the council to try and re-house. We were in the caravan park for over a month waiting for the settlement money from the house to come through, to be able to get a rental that would accept a large dog. The Shepherd was becoming more and more anxious and distressed living in a small caravan and became even more aggressive and fearful. He then lost it and turned on me (something I thought he would never do). So I took him to the vet and they advised he would have to be put down.
Then my anxiety, depression and PTSD blew out of control. I spent the past couple of months with the Shepherd going everywhere together, as I couldn't leave him in the caravan. I had a complete breakdown and am now finding it a lot more difficult to cope than when my husband initially died.
Can't look at dogs, hear barking, go to parks, paddocks, forests, or drive the car, without completely breaking down. I couldn't eat, sleep and felt I had nothing left. I had lost everything that I loved. I then had a major 8 minute seizure, resulting in being fearful to go outside at all in case I have another seizure.
Most days are really bad. Am struggling.
