Hello! Newbie here. When did you reach your limit of faking it?

[V33]

Hi everyone!

Just looking for someone who understands what i'm going through.

I have Anxiety and i think i may have depression also but i have not been medically diagnosed with depression.

Every day is a struggle. I'm too scared to do most things. I panic about almost everything. It's exhausting. But somehow i get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to let anyone down and make them upset by seeing me down but when is it enough?

The 'happy' face i put on most of the time is exhausting. And i can only do it for so long before i start to get frustrated and crash. Sometimes i don't want to be the one who cares so much or the one who makes everyone laugh or the one who has to fix everything. Sometimes i just want to be me and lay in bed and not think about anything.

I go through these stages where I'm happy and motivated and so energetic and i get a job and accomplish so much for a few months and then i crash. I get so down and stop everything because i can't deal with it. I stop working and studying and it's almost like everything around me doesn't exist, like i'm an outsider in this world and i'm just watching everything pass me by with no connection at all. And then a few months later im back to being happy and energetic.

It's all so exhausting.

[PamelaR]

Hi V33 and warm welcome to our community forums

Wow, you sound exactly like me! That has been my life. Each time I exhaust myself and have to recharge my batteries by hiding away - generally in bed under the covers. Sometimes the recharging can take a few weeks. I did this throughout my working career. To be honest I never understood what was happening for decades. It wasn't until I had a breakdown and spent years talking with a psychologist did I begin to understand myself and what was happening.

My last job was incredibly draining. Because everyone in our team was 'quiet', and I was a little loud, I became the team extrovert who was more able to put energy into the team and into the clients we worked with. However, I've spent the last 17 months recovering. I retired June last year. Finding that I didn't want to be the 'life' of the room, or the centre of attention. Though this had been my life for about 5-6 years previous.

So when do you reach your limit of faking it? Interesting you use the term faking it. My take on it has always been - I take on a 'role'. A work role, a housewife role, a shopping role, a friends role etc. - each of these can be different. I did what I had to do at work because that was what I was paid for. When I knew my body, mind and soul could no longer take it, I retired. Luckily I was at that age I could it.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about these things? They are very real for you? Are you seeing anyone for your anxiety and depression, e.g. a doctor?

You're not alone V33, keep reaching out, if and when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[V33]

Hi PamelaR

Thank you for welcoming me and for your reply. Although i don't wish this on anyone, it is nice to know that someone understands how i feel.

My family are always there for me however they too have their own issues to deal with and sometimes they get extremely upset if they see me struggling. So I've tried to hide it and not tell them much anymore.

I do have a lovely psychological who I've been speaking to on and off for the past five years. However, it is very pricey and holding a steady job it quite difficult for me. When i do have my moments and can work, it's normally full time which leaves me no time to see her. And so the vicious cycle continues.

I'm 25 years old so I still have quite a lot of working left to do before i can even think of retiring. It's just so stressful. I want to do well, i want to succeed, i want to have a job just like everyone else. They make it look so easy but it's anything but easy for me.

I feel like a complete failure. I don't want to feel like this. I want to enjoy life and not have to over think everything or have these intense, constant feelings of dread. I really do want to have a good life.

I am so glad that you were able to leave that job and look after yourself. It's so very important to put health first.

[geoff]

Hi V33, thanks for posting your comment, usually when someone has anxiety they may also have depression, and at times one can be stronger than the other, but it's easy to pretend to others that all is OK, while deep down there is an enormous struggle.

There are times when your family know how you are feeling, just as you know with them, this happens to most of us, so we maybe too scared to ask in case it may trigger a reaction, but we can't keep it hidden, the longer this happens the worse you may become.

These periods of happiness and accomplishment are times you need to remember, not the times when you feel upset because if you do concentrate on them, that builds negative thoughts and then depression.

Take the time you need, maybe start by working casual before thrusting yourself into a full time job, ease your way in.

Best wishes.

Geoff.