An introduction to me.

[FeralRabbit34]

I am currently a student in Victoria in my eleventh year of schooling and have been facing some instances of anxiety (Social and otherwise) for quite some time. This forum is the most open I've been about my feelings ever and the idea of typing into a faceless void is more comforting to me than talking one on one with a psychologist/psychiatrist.

It seems like it would be a waste to post on here if I wasn't completely forthcoming with my situation, so I'll try not to hold back.

I'm a bit of an over-achiever. I haven't skipped any year levels, but I've always been the top of my current one. People see my test scores and my exam scores as an indication that I'm a well-functioning child, but inside I am a mess. People keep asking me if I'm going to get Dux (Highest ATAR score) at the end of next year, and every time they do, I just want to hide because I always feel as if I'm not the person getting these grades.

Socially, I am very closed off. I feel uncomfortable in every lunch-time, preferring to hang around a group of about 5 or less, mainly composed of the people I know and have known since I started high school. I feel my best in my Methods class (Maths) because it is a close group of about 15 people who I enjoy the company of. I feel my worst in my English class because it is a chaotic group of at least 25 people who all fight to have their voices heard, sometimes literally. I very rarely go out on weekends and I don't have a social life outside of school.

On top of all of this, I'm quite self-conscious of my body, being a scrawny, lanky teenager with a reasonable dose of pimples.

I express myself in writing and enjoy the opportunity it gives me to get out of my own mind by creating something I don't have to be a part of. Other passions include a recent obsession with the musical Hamilton and a sort of attachment to a few songs from the musical Dear Evan Hansen. At this moment I am listening to Weird Al's "Hamilton Polka" and loving it.

That is me and my life in a nutshell. Thank you for reading about me and feel free to leave a comment if you wish to.

[MsPurple]

Hi FeralRabbit and welcome to the forums.

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are struggling with people having really high expectations on you. I struggled with that myself. I do sometimes try to be perfect. I felt that this high expectation caused me to feel anxious. I can understand that people saying/expecting you 'to get DUX' can be a bit intimidating. If people ask you this maybe lightly say 'I aim to do the best I can, but I don't exactly aim for DUX' or something along those lines. It is straight to the point. That although someone may want to be DUX it isn't easy and it kinda lets them know the expectation is a bit much without saying it.

It is normal to have a bit of social anxiety or awkwardness, I think everyone has a bit of this. It is when it this takes over your thoughts a lot of the time and causes distress that it becomes a problem. If you are concerned you may have anxiety it maybe a good idea to talk to a gp or your school counsellor. Ultinatively you can go on a check out www.headspace.org.au they are a youth mental health service. They have centres across Australia (which I have been too and benefited greatly from) or an online service if you don't want to go in person.

Hope this has been useful. I am always open to answer any questions you have or discuss any concerns you have

[white knight]

Hi Feralrabbit, welcome

I cant add a lot to what MsPurple has explained so well.

Many of us had pimples when younger and it is soooo annoying. We have to "ride" through that period of our lives and its just too hard at times. Try a visit to your GP and you can ask for treatment. This is also a good time to ask about anxiety and to tell her about your issues. They are trained, understanding and patient.

Other students are in awe of you but that places expectations on you unintentionally. Dux isn't everything. Achieving enough to continue on with your chosen career path is the goal. These friends are immature and there isn't much you can do about that, we all have to tolerate parts of friends in order to remain friends. We all have faults.

The only other thing I can suggest due to your anxiety is to allow your anxiety to come and go and when it goes then study well and be active, when it arrives allow yourself to slip a little, lessen your demands on yourself. This ebb and flow is best because you wont then expect a lot of yourself when you are anxious and down. It is a form of accepting yourself for who you are.

Google

Topic: depression, the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Repost anytime in those threads or here. Thanks for being frank and honest.

Tony WK

[FeralRabbit34]

Hi MsPurple

Thank you so much for replying, it means a lot to me to know that i’m not alone in my feelings.

I don’t really know what I was expecting when I decided to write here, but getting a response has lifted my spirits so much, so thank you.

I was a little curious as to whether you still feel those expectations and the burden they come with or if it’s just something that you went through.

I just want to thank you again for the advice and I’ll try to aim for my best more often than aiming for THE best.

Thanks, FeralRabbit

[FeralRabbit34]

Hi White Knight,

Thank you so much for the advice that you were able to give, every piece that I can get is helpful.

Your advice on timing my productivity and letting myself go a little bit when I’m struggling really intrigued me. It’s definitely worth a try at least, so thank you for that.

My self-consciousness isn’t the most concerning aspect of my life to me, because, while I’m not confident or happy with the way I look, I know it’s all skin deep. I might talk to my GP about the pimples though. Maybe it’ll just make it that little bit easier.

Overall, thank you so much for your response and advice.

FeralRabbit