Am I depressed or just feeling disempowered

[Ivelostinterest]

I've never been on a forum so here goes. I'm a 52 year old male, work as a Paramedic, married to a supportive wife and have 4 great kids.

all ok so fast. However I feel that life has lost a lot of joy and I find it difficult to get involved with leisure activities or even enthusiastic at home or work. I often feel defeated, tired and feel that people tolerate me because I'm family.

i feel pessimistic often and flare up in anger easily and am defensive.

The only time I feel good is after exercise such as regular running or cycling or hiking.

i love my family but feel it is difficult to be spontaneous and engaging. I attend church which I value highly but I so often feel negative.

do I have a bad attitude or what? I don't know what to think

thsnks

[pipsy]

Hi Ivelostinterest. With your high pressure job, by the time your shift ends and you come home, you probably feel drained of energy. Being a paramedic would be quite confrontational, attending accidents, etc. These things would be quite hard on you. Switching off would be next to impossible as paramedic's like police officers are aware of danger more so than the general public. Pessimism could be explained by the fact that when/if you see people behaving recklessly, you possibly sense the danger behind their actions, know that whatever warning you try to give is going to be ignored and you get a bit angry, then defensive if you are challenged. It would be difficult to be spontaneous and engaging when you are anxious. Is your wife aware of how you feel about this? I would perhaps try to explain the dangerous job you have, with attending accidents, etc. Obviously you love your job, but is there a way you could arrange some time off, maybe see your Dr to ask about stress leave. My ex was a prison officer for 25 years and the amount of stress leave prison officers have to apply for due to pressure is unreal. Dealing with the public is incredibly stressful, asking for stress leave would help recharge and also you could look at possibly changing jobs (if you are thinking along those lines). If you are happy, applying for stress leave would at least give you some relaxation.

Lynda

[geoff]

hello Ivelostinterest, how sorry I feel for you, because I can hear your pain just as Lynda can, but also how you are suffering.
Your job would require handling so many different situations, some awful and some that only need minor treatment, but it's those major cases which would be hard to handle even though you have been doing it for a long time, especially when children are involved which you may relate back to what if your kids were hurt the same way, so that thought would be devastating.
You have mentioned the word about being 'negative and tired' and when this happens could well and truly mean that you're depressed, which you may already know about, but just wanted someone else to mention it, although I'm not qualified to diagnose you, however if you were my brother that's what I would say to you.
No you don't have a bad attitude, you just needed some justification why you feel like this and why all of a sudden you feel pessimistic, and being a qualified Paramedic you must see so many people suffering from depression, but sometimes we try and deny the fact that we could be depressed, but you have to realise that depression does have different levels of complexity and certainly different types and by being a Paramedic you may only see the people who tried to end their life, however I'm sure you are aware of what happens to those suffering from depression.
There is no guilt what's so ever for you to go and visit your doctor, no one at work needs to know unless you are given some time off, even then you could say it's because of something else.
Exercise seems to be good for you but you can't keep running all day, so please can I suggest that you book an appointment to see your doctor, mind you it does seem strange for a layman to suggest something like this to a qualified Paramedic, but hope you can. Geoff.