A warm welcome to you and congrats on your retirement, well earned I'm sure.
I suppose people are inclined to do little or next to nothing, in the way of household work, for a whole variety of reasons. The reasons remain a mystery until the mystery's solved. To offer a handful of reasons, based on me being a wife, a mum to 2 young adults and someone who's faced motivational challenges myself
- With me being a stay at home mum for a number of years when my kids were young, I established the habit of doing certain jobs around the house. Everyone in the house (myself included) was happy for these to be my habits or jobs. They became seen as mine. As my circumstances changed, I no longer wanted or could manage some of those jobs. I found no one else was going to adopt them until I insisted they adopt some of them as their habits. Getting others into a habit can be a challenge. Can take a lot of time and insistence in the lead up to something becoming a habit. The added challenge can relate to someone being in the habit of doing something other than housework. They also have to break old habits
- A handy phrase to adopt can be '...a lack of energy as a result of...'. For example, 'She has a lack of energy as a result of depression' or 'He has a lack of energy as a result of illness or a serious vitamin deficiency' or 'I have a lack of energy as a result of physical and mental exhaustion' and so on. A lack of energy can make doing work a challenge. The reason for the lack of energy needs to be addressed
- Simply choosing to not accept responsibility because that's what's easier
- Choosing to not be conscious of something until someone or something wakes us up. I smile when I say there are parts of me that may insist 'You know you have to clean this kitchen floor, as it's looking quite disgusting' or 'The path from the gate to the front door is so full of weeds that it's becoming a trip hazard. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!'. Whether it's the housekeeper in me, the gardener in me or the disciplinarian in me (disciplining me into taking responsibility), not everyone has the kind of inner dialogue that wakes them up to the need to do some work. No constructive inner dialogue can pose problems
- Relying on poor excuses. We can easily excuse someone when they've got a really valid excuse. Someone's not going to run to the shop for us if they've broken their leg. Unless it's an emergency, they're also not going to do it if they're at the tail end of watching a movie that's finally reached a climax. Fair enough. 'I had a late night' doesn't excuse someone unless the late night was for really good reason and not out of bad habits
- Dopamine deficiency can also play a part sometimes. If someone's desperate for a high, they're not going to choose the thing that doesn't offer them that high. If the high is found in sitting and watching Netflix while eating chips and chocolate (something I'm guilty of at times 😁), chances are that same high's not going to be achieved through cleaning out the gutters of the house. The gutter cleaning is felt as a low, instead of a high. Depression, ADHD and other conditions can tie into dopamine deficiency issues
Wondering whether your husband relates to any or all of the above. There's always a reason for why people do what they do. Can take a bit of detective work. Btw, one thing I can't tolerate is a deluded sense of self entitlement. If someone feels fully entitled to do whatever they want, that's just being self serving.
