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Self sabotage and medication
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Hi
first time posting so feeling nervous. I have been on the medication journey for almost a year and I’m still struggling to take it consistently. I have had a few different types some of which is became addicted to but now I need support everyday from a friend to almost stand over me as I take it. If they aren’t around I just don’t bother I feel like I’m not worth it and have this “ can’t be bothered” attitude but when I come off them the withdrawals are evident so then I get back on and the cycle starts again. I don’t know how to shift my thinking about taking meds to help me. One part of me knows I need it the other part of me just struggles with the self care .
anyone got advice or been in a similar situation how do I overcome this ?
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Dear Ames82~
Welcome here. People with an anxiety condition or depression, myself included, have difficulty with all sorts of things that at first sight seem beneficial, even trivial. It may be activities like going to a shop, answering the phone or opening the mailbox (a couple of mine). I've felt great resentment and wanted to move away when someone offers me needed help, doctors included.
I'm not wise enough to know why it happens, but it does appear to me to be a form of self sabotage dressed up in feelings of reluctance or pointlessness. I don't really see it as that different from you not taking your meds. Physically it is not a difficult task, and would seem to help you live your life. I guess you would need a pshrink of some sort to tell you why.
I don't have a complete answer as to how to get around these sorts of problems. You using another to encourage you does rely upon someone else being there, but sounds a good idea. Perhaps if swallowing the pills was part of an established routine, maybe something you do on waking or with regular exercise (depends on the meds I guess) that might help. Routine is one of the ways I combated the mailbox problem.
You do say something like your self esteem is too low and you tend to feel helping yourself is pointless. (My words, I hope I'm not misunderstanding). I guess the idea of treatment is to help in precisely those two areas.
Have you talked the matter over with your doctor? I'd be surprised if this was an isolated problem and there may be an alternative to daily meds - or some other thing others have come up with.
I'd also try to see this as a battle where every time you take the meds is a victory, rather than every time you don't is a fail. It might sound a silly sort of distinction - after all the facts are the same. However if you have successes, not matter how small, then doing the same thing becomes easier. If you have fails you tend to avoid the whole thing -does that make sense?
I'd really like it if you came back and talked more
Croix
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Hello Ames82
Thankyou for posting with us....you are strong!
Your post is just as important as the one I writing now and welcome to the forums
Croix has provided excellent support above as he has the life experience.
I understand your anguish with meds Ames82 as this is my 22nd year on them with my depression and old chronic anxiety issues. I know we cant talk about specific medications on the forums. Can I ask you if you have been taking antidepressants or anti anxiety meds?
You have answered your own question when you mentioned 'self care'. I think you are amazing for having the courage to post and talk about what you are going through
Im sorry for the questions...its only so we can support you more effectively if thats okay. Can I ask you if you have anxiety issues like I used to have? Seeing a GP can be a great healer as many GP's understand mental health a lot better than when I was suffering from anxiety
you are not alone and I hope you can post back when convenient for you. The forums are a SAFE and judgement free place for you to say or anything that is on your mind 🙂
My kind thoughts
Paul
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Dear Ames82~
I can relate to shutting down in front of a doctor or psych, and if I talk I've often managed to stuff it up by forgetting things or talking endlessly about one little thing leaving no time for the important stuff.
My answer has been to write everything down first well in advance. Take a day or so to edit it, putting in extra and tidying it up - I use point form - then go though it in the consultation (a copy each). Frankly it is a lot easier to do, I follow the points concentrating on each and the overall picture becomes clear. Doctors/psychs have commented on how effective it was, so everyone is pleased.
Croix
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Hi Ames82
Welcome to the forum.You will find many with vast experience and advice all valuable.
I struggled with the need for ADs for years. I have now accepted that I need them to be able to function with clarity.Pills are not an instant fix but help to focus on helping yourself.It is worth exploring self help options.Beyond blue is a great place to start.Looking back may explain where we got to, but it is your choice where you go.I wish you a positive move forward.You are not alone-for starters you have yourGP and psychologist. And you have BB community.
If you had a broken leg you would seek help and get it fixed.Same as a broken "head".A nurse once told me that if it helped she would wrap my head in bandages. I believe acceptance allows solutions.
Stay safe and well and keep reaching out.
Ruby 2