Dear Ames82~
Welcome here. People with an anxiety condition or depression, myself included, have difficulty with all sorts of things that at first sight seem beneficial, even trivial. It may be activities like going to a shop, answering the phone or opening the mailbox (a couple of mine). I've felt great resentment and wanted to move away when someone offers me needed help, doctors included.
I'm not wise enough to know why it happens, but it does appear to me to be a form of self sabotage dressed up in feelings of reluctance or pointlessness. I don't really see it as that different from you not taking your meds. Physically it is not a difficult task, and would seem to help you live your life. I guess you would need a pshrink of some sort to tell you why.
I don't have a complete answer as to how to get around these sorts of problems. You using another to encourage you does rely upon someone else being there, but sounds a good idea. Perhaps if swallowing the pills was part of an established routine, maybe something you do on waking or with regular exercise (depends on the meds I guess) that might help. Routine is one of the ways I combated the mailbox problem.
You do say something like your self esteem is too low and you tend to feel helping yourself is pointless. (My words, I hope I'm not misunderstanding). I guess the idea of treatment is to help in precisely those two areas.
Have you talked the matter over with your doctor? I'd be surprised if this was an isolated problem and there may be an alternative to daily meds - or some other thing others have come up with.
I'd also try to see this as a battle where every time you take the meds is a victory, rather than every time you don't is a fail. It might sound a silly sort of distinction - after all the facts are the same. However if you have successes, not matter how small, then doing the same thing becomes easier. If you have fails you tend to avoid the whole thing -does that make sense?
I'd really like it if you came back and talked more
Croix
