Rebuilding relationship with psychologist

[Ely_]

Hi,

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, adjustment disorder and suffer with anxiety. Earlier this year I started to get a lot of flashbacks and memories to my trauma. I tried to open up to the pyschologist I've been seeing for about 6 years. I've touched on it a bit with her before, but want to deal with it finally. I felt shut down and judged by her response to a question I asked. I since have come to realise she didn't have all the info at the time. I went elsewhere for trauma counselling and have had a couple of productive sessions.

My problem is, I told my regular psychologist last week, and now I feel that I have to choose between them.

The regular psych is concerned about splitting, and how it will look seeing 2 different therapists.

The new counsellor is so easy to talk to. The old one knows me so well, and it is terrifying me, the change.

I got up the courage to tell my psych why I sought other help, and felt terrible doing it. How do I rebuild that relationship asap so I can keep working with her.

Should I attempt a session with the regular psych like I would with the new counsellor?

So confused.

Thx

[Alexlisa]

Hello Ely72.

Welcome to the forums ☺️. I can see that you’re in a tricky situation. Firstly I just want to say that you’re being very brave for finding the strength to move forward with exploring the trauma. I know how intimidating that can be and working with someone you feel you can trust completely is crucial.

At the end of the day it’s your decision who you’d prefer to see, but it’s true that having two therapists involved could become counterproductive. It does sound like it’s worth trying to discuss it with your regular psychologist first, since she knows you so well. As you mention, perhaps she didn’t have enough information at the time of her initial response to react to you empathetically. Would you feel comfortable being very open with her about how her response made you feel and what you’ve been finding helpful with the other counsellor?

Another option is that you could organise (with your permission of course) for the two of them to talk to each other. It might be a useful way for your psychologist to understand what’s been happening for you and how the counsellor has been working with you? It might also be helpful to not need to repeat everything you’ve already shared again to your regular psychologist. Especially if you found it hard the first time. It’s pretty common for therapists to do these type of hand-overs of cases, so it need not be a big deal. But of course this is a decision that’s entirely up to you and what you’re comfortable with.

It can be hard to start discussing new topics with a psychologist and it’s ok for you to communicate that you’re having trouble broaching this with her. I think a key to this will be to be as open about the relationship that you have with her as you can be. I know this can feel uncomfortable, but an important part of a psychologist’s job is to ensure the relationship the two of you have is solid. You need to feel that you can trust her, and if you don’t feel like that’s the case at the moment please be open about it so you can face it together.

I hope this helps. Again, good work for facing this difficult task. I wish you good luck and please be compassionate to yourself.

Alexlisa

[Ely_]

Hi Alexlisa,

Thanks for your response. I tried to talk to my psychologist about the particular conversation that led to my feeling judged etc, but she doesn't remember it, it was months ago, and she spent 10 minutes looking through her notes and couldn't find it. I spoke tomy best friend later thursday afternoon and she confirmed how i remember that day, so i know i'm not imagining it or my reaction.

I'm also concerned my psych will cause issues for my counsellor. She isn't as highly trained, but is more specialised for trauma. My psych is very blunt and to the point which is great for most things, but offputting for more...delicate subjects. She also comes from a slightly different culture where laws and social norms around consent are different, so that makes it even harder to talk to her when we have different definitions.

So yeah..I feel really stuck. I can't get hold of the new counsellor until next week to discuss it.

Again, thanks,

Ely

[Alexlisa]

Hello again Ely72.

I saw your other thread... You said you can’t see your counsellor till next week, which is tough given the current situation. It’s not uncommon to experience unsettled emotions and flashbacks between sessions when working on trauma, and I know how distressing they can feel. It’s important that you talk to your counsellor about what’s been happening for you since the last session, so that next time she can spend some more time grounding you before you leave next time.

It seems like this period needs to be about getting you through the time until you see your counsellor again. You were right to reach out to your GP and the hospital for help. I know it can feel so frustrating to not feel understood, but sometimes we do need to get that help.

There is a service called 1800RESPECT.org.au which is the national sexual assault, domestic family violence support service. They offer 24 hour online chat and phone counselling on 1800 737 732. I think this service could be really useful at the moment as they’re trained specifically in trauma support. They should be able to help you to ground yourself and stay safe between now and when you see your counsellor next. Also, they’re a great resource for you to use in the future if you have triggers come up unexpectedly, or need support after a session.

I hope this helps. Please think about contacting them. Take care.
Alexlisa

[Ely_]

Alexlisa,

I will think about reaching out to the 1800 service. I spent some time writing and drawing and that seems to have settled me a little bit. It's strange that distractions haven't worked, but writing or drawing about the trauma has made me less anxious. Upset yes, but less anxious.

I got a message from my counsellor, she is going to call me this afternoon.

Ely72.