Porn ruining our relationship

[guy-95]

I’m struggling big time, all my fault I know. I’ve watched porn for many years relatively frequently (3-4 times/week). I’m now in a relationship of almost 2 years and after about a year I mentioned to my girlfriend that I watched it (thinking it was normal). Understandably she was very upset at this so I said that I wouldn’t watch anymore, fast forward five months and she asked how I was going with it and I admitted I had been watching it (less frequently) and again she was understandably very upset I thought that was it for us so I  stupidly lied and told her I only looked once in that time, but then got caught out that it was actually more. About 3 weeks after that talk I watched a raunchy YouTube video which led to nude pictures, and now 3 months later she had found out and I stupidly again lied about it (not knowing she had found it). I know I am not good enough for her but I have damaged her so much. I’ve since created a heap of website and internet blocking schemes and I know in myself that I can stop, given the reduction in frequency of consumption (and I had in the past when it was taking over me as a tennager), but it’s the lies that I continue to spit expecting that will make things sound a bit better. Im 90% sure she will have left me by the time I get home from work today.  I haven’t been able to eat or to sleep longer than 2 hours in the last 2 days. I don’t really know what im asking for maybe just an outside perspective. I feel this is the massive wake up call I need but I also feel it’s just too late. Advice or similar accounts or anything would be welcomed and appreciated.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear guy-95,

A very warm welcome to the forums..

My late husband was addicted to porn, even going to live porn shows, he got that addicted that he forced me to watch them with him, this went on for years, he saw nothing wrong with it…where I felt so degraded, not good enough and became an emotional wreck by the whole experience, I can’t speak for other people/women but honestly I feel that by boyfriends/partners/ husbands/wives watching porn, there sending messages to their beloved that they are not good enough for them….even though in your heart you love her dearly and don’t don’t want to hurt her in anyway whatsoever….that’s  just my thoughts…sorry if I’ve offended or hurt anyone..

Lying is not really acceptable and unfortunately in most cases you get caught out…and trust issues start to develop within a relationship….Maybe reaching out to your GP, for your addiction could be a step forward to help you get through it…plus it will show your partner that you love her enough to trying to help yourself…

Please talk here anytime your feeling up to it…we’re hear to listen and help support you the best we can..

My kindest thoughts dear guy-95 with my care..

Grandy..

[Howard-]

Hi 
I’m 58 and have been addicted to porn since I was a teenager. I’ve given up sooo many times and have seeked professional help on occasions. I’ve gone through periods when I haven’t watched it for months, but then something will trigger me and I’ll slide back into the routine! I’ve tried blocking sites and apps but I’ll always find a way around it. It’s affecting my relationships with my wife, my children, my friends and my work and health. To me, the issue isn’t porn, it’s the underlying issue that I’m escaping from. Porn makes me forget real life. It makes me forget all my worries and problems. Facing them is what I need to do. That’s easier said than done but trying to stop my porn addiction without dealing with the other stuff is a waste of time. It sounds like you may have to dig a bit deeper too. Start by being honest with yourself and those you love. Hard to do sometimes but I think it’s worth it