NPD BPD Help suffering now

[RichoC]

Hello,
So I did some legit tests online for NPD and BPD. Did with my Wife so she saw what I said. She wanted to.
It seems I have NPD and or BPD.
I don't understand why this is. I have quite some years of trauma, lost jobs, anxiety, wanted to die as I felt worthless. There is no plan for that now!

To my knowledge, there's no family history of this.

Could it be caused as a result of 8 years of losing jobs, being treated like crap in the jobs despite 21 years of positive experience and grace elsewhere?
Also started a business that failed badly in that time.
My Wife hates me now because I react, yell and carry on. Breaks my heart this happens.

Where can I get good help and support?

I've applied to see a psychotherapist now hopefully soon locally.
I need to get rid of this before I'm divorced and have my life taken from me, my daughter, my house everything.
I just don't know why this is happening to me. Never before have I had this ever!
Thanks,

[indigo22]

Hi RichoC,

I understand how daunting it can be to realise you are dealing with a mental illness, particularly when you don't completely understand why it came about in the first place.

I may be wrong, but I don't think you are dealing NPD. I have a sister who is a narcissist and people with this disorder do not think there is anything wrong with them, would not be trying to find the solution, everything that happens is someone else's fault, and will gaslight people when this works to their advantage.

You have taken the best step you can in arranging to see a psychologist and they will need to confirm a diagnosis. There is nothing more you can do at the moment. Many mental illnesses are brought on by trauma from the past that hasn't properly been dealt with, so this may be the case. Only your psychologist can determine this and help you work through it.

Hang in there until you have an appointment and let your wife know that you are willing to do what is needed to recover. I wish you every success in the process of becoming well again.

Take care of yourself,

indigo

[RichoC]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, I spoke to a psychotherapist and he said it could be 100 different things, can't just focus on that being what it is, so that's good to know.
Yes will further see a Psych and I'm off the grog which is the main cause of everything I believe. Like fuel on the fire. My trauma stems from 8 years of lost job, horrible jobs, and feeling like I was a failure even though I have all the quals and 20 years of experience. Finally, now I have the best job in the world so pretty happy there. Thanks, I'm on it I know I can do it. Appreciate it.