Newbie With Life long Depression, Anxiety, maybe bipolar - being put in the 'too hard basket'?

[gnomadicmind]

Hello Everyone,

This is my first ever post. Thanks for reading 🙂

I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and this has been ongoing now for 20 years. I have tried nearly every antidepressant, mood stabilisers etc. I have done CBT, mindfulness, conversation therapy, Eye movement therapy. I have been in and out of hospital and I have had TMS as an inpatient and outpatient. I have always been proactive with my mental health, and I'm not in a position where self harm or suicide is on my mind, but I am getting to the end of my tether in regards as to what to do now!  I have started treatment with a new psychiatrist who has recommended MAOI's which I'm not too keen on, but if it's worth a try I will do it. She has also mentioned something called 'Motor Cycle Therapy' ( I have googled this and come up with nothing, maybe I have the wrong term!).

Anyway it feels that nothing works. I can't work anymore. I can't have normal relationships. I don't have children (partly from fear of not coping). I can't and don't even want to maintain normal relationships in general. What's more I don't even really want to. I'm not a social person and I have never been. I like people and get on well with others, I'm just a 'loner'.

I'm now reading about 'Highly Sensitive People' and the 'Quiet Revolution'. My problem is that I feel like I'm always going to be plagued with treatment resistant depression and anxiety. I have felt many times as though professionals have put me in the 'too hard basket' or made to feel like a 'malingerer'. I now feel as though depression and anxiety is just my cross to bear in life. That it's my personality and no treatment will ever work, let alone fix me.

I live in a 'regional' area so professionals are hard to find but luckily I have a great psychologist and psychiatrist, albeit perhaps not completely suitable.

Okay... What are others experiences of being put in the 'too hard basket'? Do you feel like it's just your personality? Any treatment experiences you can share? Any books that have helped you profoundly?  Any suggestions at all are welcome and appreciated!

If you've read this far - thank you!

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums gnomadicmind.

Thanks for sharing your story and experiences. It sounds like you have had a long hard road but in amongst this you have worked hard to find a treatment that works for you - that takes great perseverance and courage. We are sorry to hear that you have not yet found much relief so far - have there ever been some times where you noted some improvement? It might not have been that things were great - but maybe just that things did get better for a while?

It sounds like depression and anxiety have been pretty influential in your life so far and that now you are wondering what the future holds. As you say, you are not thinking about hurting yourself, it is more a question of what is going to happen from here?

To start with we would encourage you to talk with your psychiatrist more about the medication options, and this other treatment they have suggested - we are sorry we can not say more about it but we are not clear what therapy type they are suggesting. Like any treatment though ask some questions about how it works, what benefits you are expected and importantly what does the evidence say about its effectiveness. No matter what the answers you might still decide to press on with it  - as you say - it might be worth a try - but sometimes having a bit more information helps you to make this decision.

You also talked about not having many relationships and being happy with that. We would encourage you to keep chatting to us here on the forums as this is perhaps a way to stay connected with others in a way that might feel more comfortable. And over time you might learn that there are other members here with similar issues that can offer you support and encouragement.

The other thing that we have wondered about is what you do with your time? While you have probably heard it many times before having some purpose, goals or activities to do regularly do help your mood in a range of ways.  We would encourage you to look at opportunities to get involved in things that you enjoy, leave you feeling satisfied or that you gain a sense of achievement from  - this might be with others or it might be on your own. Maybe if you set some goals you could let us know how you are going? Maybe this is something to focus on as you wonder about the future?

gnomadicmind please keep chatting to us so that we can support you. As you have suggested you might find that there are some helpful suggestions, books or just simple tips that others can share with you, and from what you describe, you probably have lots of ideas to share in return. Take care

[dmg]

Hi gnomadicmind

t want to acknowledge both your resilience and determination in
dealing with depression over the last 20 years. You are clearly in a difficult to treat category  but I don't believe in too hard baskets or malingerers and nor should you.It sounds from this post and your response
to HH that you will keep on trying, no matter what. Sophie has suggested some really positive approaches and I hope that they can be of value. Also, the very fact that you can give helpful advice to HH about mental health professionals demonstrates your own positivity.

I really hope that you keep contributing to this forum as your lived experience can help others.