ECT(again)

[MyBlackDogBites]

Has anyone volunterily had ECT? I have treatment resistant depression, ADHD, and self-harm. I am on multiple AD (up to 5), ADHD meds, and anti-anxiety meds. I am also now on very high dosage of MD (so high that the pharmacy wouldn't dispense)

I am only just holding my head above water and trying to hold down a highly demanding job (and just passing probation period). The issue is that my meds are only just working, and if I accidentally miss a dose I am suicidal by day 5 (complicated sequence of events). I have an opportunity to take leave at the end of the year and have voluntary ECT. Having had ECT 2 x previously, I am told that it works well for me. The issue is the memory loss as I had notable retrograde amnesia with bilateral, which was reduced when changed to unilateral. I am still uncertain if I am making the right decision (even though my shrink is encouraging this treatment as the only/best option given my current T-R depression). Do I hold out for a miracle, and keep on the meds, or do I take the opportunity, and voluntarily go with the ECT? I see this as a long term decision that will affect my future career, and hence my life.

RELATED THREADS

ECT treatment

Tired of being depressed now - looking at ECT?

ECT - my experience

My wife has just had ECT - what is the recovery time?

[white knight]

Hi MBDB, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

You still havent had a reply. It might be because no one has the direct answers to your questions.

However, I hope to have some input regarding your life in general.

You face and have faced serious issues in your life and you have the challenge of working in your job. This sentence worries me- "I am only just holding my head above water and trying to hold down a highly demanding job"

From my experience alone a highly demanding job sends out alarms bells. For this reason please read this thread (use search) -

When all is lost -what can we do? Be radical?

Forgive me if I'm off the track but managing your life might become harder as time goes by. I commend you for your tenacity with your career. Just be mindful of the price you could pay for that "demanding job".

Take care.    Tony WK

[MyBlackDogBites]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for your comments. I guess my lack of any real question  is  because Im not sure if I really had one. Mostly just the ramblings of someone desperate not to face what appears to be inevitable - that I am heading back to the hopeless abyss from which I never really fully emerged from. My exponential decline continues to be masked to all those around me, but at the cost - escalating SH, an unfortunate coping mechanism that is guaranteed to result in being rejected for ECT. Today is a bad day, and the decision to work from my home office, an extremely bad decision. In responding to your kind words, I am not in need for any replies. My only questions now are those I ask of myself, and I am saddened by my intuitive expectation of what those answers will be.


beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Chris_B]

Hi MyBlackDogBites,

Welcome to the forums. I hope you can check out some of the related threads which are now listed at the bottom of your original post above, ECT has come up on the forums a couple of times before, including a really good thread from a member who was good enough to report on what the experience was like, the benefits, drawbacks etc.

It's a difficult situation you're in, and I hope you'll come back here and check in with us.

[rusty1953]

Sometimes it works for people.

But it did nothing for me. The hospital people told me it will be the GREATEST thing to improve my life.

VERY DISAPPOINTING & A WASTE OF A MONTH

[TracyM]

So much for a well organised break in which I had planned to have a much needed course of ECT. Checked into hospital last Friday in preparation for first ect on Monday. As I had stopped all meds, things were starting to unravel, including minor SH issue in hospital. After ect I was very agitated, and non compliant. When asked if I could guarantee my safety, I answered no, but that was in that moment, and felt like I was loosing my own fight against this illness. The end result was that the psych couldn't deal with me and I was sent away on a IAO. Having feared rejection my entire life, this is painfully difficult to manage. So now I'm back home, no medication, and no time to be considered for another ECT Facility. A few lessons for me to learn from this.