Worried Wife

[KJT]

For the last three years (G) my husband, now aged 66, seems to have been suffering from panic attacks. We went through a rough and stressful time financially in a business, had to sell our home etc . We are now a lot more settled and sorted with another home and now retired but I have seen him age and go downhill dramatically. It began with pain in all his joints, rheumatologist tested for everything but all he came up with was possibly gout. (G) has taken gout medication for years and also suffers from high blood pressure and lately reflux which can all be put down to the natural aging process. He keeps thinking there is something physically wrong with him because he doesn't feel well. He did have to have venesections (blood taken to reduce high ferritin/iron levels) twice. That is stable at the moment, doctor is monitoring it. Ecg's etc are all fine.

Suddenly out of the blue, probably a few times a week, he has a "spin out" where he gets dizzy, feels like he can't breathe properly, sometimes chest pain, heart racing, blood pressure gets high, feels weak and sweats and shakes. Often a pain is A pain can be involved somewhere but often seems to be in a different spot. Sometimes he complains of "thumping" in his ears to the rhythm of his heartbeat or ringing in his ears, blocked ears and foggy head. Lying down is the only option.

This often happens when I am away from home helping our daughter with her kids as she has her own small business. This is so upsetting and I feel so torn between helping her and being there for him. We talk a lot on the phone when I am away. Talking does seem to calm him.

Doctor has him on medication daily. He seems to control the medication okay and only takes the other half if absolutely necessary.

This all seems to be at a stalemate. Doctor keeps telling him he is healthy, that he must understand he can't do what he once found easy and he accepts that. These attacks are so random. Please, is there anything else can we do???????

[MsPurple]

HI KJT. Welcome to the forums and thanks for talking about your concerns for your husband. It is great you are supportive of him and trying to help, however it is not possible to be with someone all the time. You need you time (and family time with your daughter and the grandkids).

Now I want to make it clear I am not a doctor so I don't like to talk about medication here because I want to leave that to the professionals. I sounds like your husband is dealing with anxiety (however he will need to talk to a doctor or other professional to get a real diagnosis). Now anxiety is normal, we feel anxiety when you are about to go on a rollar coster or about to do a speach, but there is a difference between normal anxiety and too much or elevated anxiety. When it becomes persistant it can affect your everyday life and it can also lead to panic attacks which it sounds like is happening. Just by your description is sounds like he maybe dealing with more anxiety and may need to see a counsellor or psychologist.

Now I have GAD and my story and background will not be the same but I can talk from first hand experience that once I got counselling I started to get a better understanding of my conditions. They taught me strategies on how to reduce my anxiety, how to help reduce my anxiety when I am about to have a panic attack. People tend to think therapy is only about talking about feelings and getting asked "how does that make you feel". Yes this is part of it but they also teach you how to change your way of thinking and reacting in certain situations which helps reduce your anxiety. Sorry I am terrible at describing it but CBT does help. Has your husband gotten a mental health plan? Through this the government gives you 6 psychologist sessions. I think you maybe able to help your partner by supporting him and encouraging him to go to counselling. It is not a sign of weakness getting help but a sign of strength.

In the mean time maybe you should try meditation. I use a free app called "Calm". It helps you control your breathing and it helps reduce stress with a calm voice guiding you through the exercise. This helps with some people (including myself). When you partner has a panic attack maybe guide him through some breathing. One deep breath in and out. And tell him he is safe and he will be ok.

I hope some of this advice helps.

[MarkJT]

KJT, awesome that you have reached out on the forums, that's what they are here for - well done.

Agree totally what MsPurple has written above and i just wanted to pop in and reinforce about meditation.

I practice mindfulness every day and it keeps me calm. I use a smart phone app (smiling mind) but "Calm" is also a good one. There are several good ones so give them a go. It only takes 15-20 mins per day, at most, to have a positive impact on your and your husbands life.

When I feel that i am getting anxious, i use mindfulness and it settles me. Be that staring at the stars, the clouds or listening to music. There are so many ways you can do it.

Keep posting any questions or queries or just thoughts. There are so many people within these forums and some will be going through exactly what you are going through, so you are not alone.

Cheers

Mark.