Worried sister & Aunty

[Jaziesister]

my sister is a single mum of a 7 yr old & a 3 yr old. She is very depressed & struggling with life.

she has told me she is a bad mum & doesn't want to be a mum anymore. She has thoughts of suicide.

Her kids go to their dads house every second weekend   & when they return to her within a day she's had enough & wants them gone again. 

When the kids are with their dad they are happy. My sister uses the break to party so when the kids return to her she is even more run down.

She is very aggressive with her children & has no tolerance of them. 

I am worried about her but mostly concerned about my niece & nephew.  

She won't reach out for help with a gp as she says she has tried everything. But I'm not sure she has tried anything.

Im feeling very angry & frustrated about it at times as I think about her babies & how she needs to get help to get well for them. 

 She is miserable. Her kids a miserable. 

How can you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? 

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[Sophie_M]

Hi Jaziesister, welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

It looks like you are worried for your sister as she has been feeling depressed and is being aggressive to her children. It also sounds like you’re unsure about how to help your sister as she won’t reach out for help as she believes she has tried everything. However, it’s great that you have been able to reach out for support on our forums, and hopefully you will receive some helpful comments from other community members.

It’s important for your sister to understand that depression is a completely treatable illness. However, it is important that she finds what works for her and stays persistent with it. Often depression has developed over many years and so the treatments do take time. People can lose hope if they don’t see immediate changes.

If her doctor has not already referred her to a psychologist for psychological therapy, we would encourage you to discuss this option with her. A psychologist can provide counselling, emotional support, practical strategies for managing her mood, and may use a therapy called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is considered to be an effective treatment for depression. Furthermore, as your sister has reported she has tried everything and is refusing to reach out for support, you may want to encourage her to read through this booklet on “A guide to what works for depression”.

Also, as you reported your sister has been feeling depressed and has been aggressive towards her children, you may like to suggest she calls the Parent Line on 1300 1300 52 for counselling support around managing her children’s behaviours.

Furthermore, there is also a beyondblue information booklet on “How can you help someone with depression/anxiety” which you may like to read.

As your sister has been experiencing suicidal thoughts Jaziesister, it is important to check that she is safe from acting on those thoughts of ending her life. For support relating to your sister’s suicidal ideation, you can call her local Mental Health Team or the Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467. The Suicide Callback Service also has useful information on things that she can do to keep herself safe when she is suicidal, which can be accessed here.

We also encourage you to call the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. We also have a webchat service available from 3pm to 12 am daily, which you can access from this page.

[pipsy]

Dear Sophie_M.  I totally agree with all that's been said.  However, having said all that, if your sister refuses to do anything to change her life, perhaps you could suggest (gently) that she 'hands' the kids over to their father until she seeks help.  Sometimes a form of 'shock' treatment i.e handing kids over to non custodial parent is enough for custodial parent to realize they need help.  If she loves her kids (and I'm sure she does) 'tough love' is quite often the answer.  Be there for her, but let her know (again- gently) that your first concern is the children.  Your sister is an adult, the kids need a stable home, she needs help.  I wouldn't say anything to their father, unless he already knows.  If he does, let him know you're doing everything you can to rectify the problem.  The father may decide to bring in 'Family Services', (if he hasn't already done so) this, unfortunately, is his right if he knows the kids are being ill treated.

Hopefully your sister will get the help she needs before any permanent damage is done.