dealing with my PARENTS who suffer from Depression Anxiety and Alcohol abuse

[Jabrjori]

HI,I am 34 and I have only memories of my mum being grumpy, unhappy and always riding my butt. I put it down to me being a "kid" and "Teenager" when I was 13 my Dad had a nervous breakdown where he had 3 months off work, I really had no idea what this was and what it was about, when I was 15 my mum started taking anti depressants and seeing a Psychiatrist. However, over the years nothing change, when I was around 22 my mum discovered wine and lots of it.. this was her out her happy place, she made herself think people would like her more while she was drinking, about 5 years later my Dad started to drink with her, Bourbon, this was more to drown out Mum's nagging, slurring, arguing, and negative talk. This carried on and on, my mum was increasing getting hurt ie. stitches, bruises from falling over and passing out. Her diet when to rubbish, no eating meals at all, just snacking on cheese and tin spagehetti.. Last year we (my 4 kids and husband) moved in with Mum and Dad while we were building, around Sept, I had had enough of watching my parents destroy there lives. I spoke to my GP who is also my parents, and he had alot of concerns more so for my mum and her state of mind. She wasnt seeing a Psychiatrist at this stage. He sent her straight of off to see a new one  2 weeks later mum was admitted into a private hopsital to change medications and detox. However, unfortunately mum was never treated for alcoholism, she was quizzed one night by a nurse as to why she wasnt doing these education sessions and she was horrifed. She came home and had decided that she would get rid of all the wine and only drink at the pub which they would do once or twice a week. Dad didnt know how to deal with a "sober" and very sad mum... she would cry as she thought her marriage was going to break down. My dad didnt stop drinking and within 4 months my mum is back to the same old drinking. My dad needs to have plastic surgery on his nose and has been told he needs to sober up before hand as his liver is shot or he wont be getting the surgery. He hasnt yet. My Mum has 2 brothers who a both very ill with cancer, and she is on the verge of being admitted again.My mum calls every night drunk to ask the same questions, she hardly remebers our conversations. My brothers don't answer her calls so to some of her friends. I feel bad and answer all the time. Some nights I cry others i am angry.. Anyone else in the same situation 

[geoff]

dear Jabrjon, I really appreciate what you have said and to come to the site and post a comment which must be heart breaking for you after such a long time.

If a couple both drink alcohol and then one stops and the other still drinks, it is so hard for them to stay sober and eventually they too begin to drink again, so it has to be a joint situation.

The same applies when anyone goes to detox, they should come home to a dry house and be careful of seeing their friends who drink alcohol, otherwise there is a strong possibility that their mates will encourage them to start drinking again.

I don't know whether your mum's brothers have cancel because of drinking, and I feel sorry for them all, ( and please forgive if it's not ), because their problems must be surmountable, but it's not a good environment to have your children see all of this.

I also feel for you to know that there is little you can do to help them, because it has to come from them, that is they have to decide that they want to stop drinking, because if you want them to stop won't really work, it has to be their own decision.

I don't know what time they start drinking, and maybe you see them before this happens.

My grandfather on Mum's side was an alcoholic, and we hardly saw him, in fact there not much I can remember of him.

I can only feel sorry for you and your 4 kids and husband. L Geoff. x

[Pixie15]

Hi Jabrjori,

Your parents situation is very sad and you are very generous to be still trying to support them when others have given up.

If your mother is drinking to cover her sorrow you may want to consider recommending counselling for her to deal with whatever she is crying over.

As I think Geoff has already suggested it is probably not good for her to ring you every night (especially if she is drunk) and try to talk about the same things over and over again. You might want to consider if this is in the best interest of your family and limit to maybe a call a week.

I think AA have a program for family members but I can not quite remember what it is called you could see if there is one in your area. It would help to talk to people who have practical experience with this.

Hope you find some help.

Pixie.

[Ayo]

The program is called al-anon