Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Best friend has anxiety

replies: 1

She's told me that she has some issues with depression as well. I don't know what to do. I'm only recovering from some major problems with depression now, and it's taken me so long. I don't want her to have to go through that. I don't want her to go through all this crap with anxiety. I don't want that. But I know I can't take it away. I really just want to know what the best ways I can help are. I've already got the listening thing down, I mean, we talk about it a lot and I'm perfectly fine with listening to her and offering her advice. I don't know, I just want to be able to do more to help. But I feel like there probably isn't much more I can do. Also, she's said that she doesn't want to start taking certain medications because they can be addictive. Does anyone here know the best medication that isn't very addictive? Maybe I could recommend it to her? Or would that be rude to do?

partner with depression pushing me away

replies: 2

Hey all, I've been with my partner over 5 years, he's amazing, sweet, kind, funny, loving...I could go on for hours. But every year or so he goes through a time where he pushes me away, and says I'm better off without him and I deserve better and he's not good enough. I know he has depression, and he's said he does, but he refuses to get help for it. He won't take medication and he thinks therapy is a waste of time and money. I think he just doesn't want to have to admit to himself that something is wrong and he needs help. Its been about a year since he last started talking like this again and pushing me away. We've been talking about saving for a house and engagement and last night he said out of no where that he doesn't want to move out because its too much money if we break up and what's the point. I'm hoping that this has just come about because it's a new phase in our lives and he's scared of the change. But I just don't know what I can say apart from I love him and I'm not going anywhere and give him the space he wants atm but still be there for him when he wants to talk. What should I say /do. Do I just wait or...?? Thanks

My mum is depressed. Need advice

replies: 4

Thank you for reading this and helping. I am 21, and live in a house with my mum and older sister. In the past few years we've dealt with loss of family, divorce, financial issues, mental health and lots more. My mum is now working 6 days a week and we are just getting through financially. I work part time and go to uni full time. Along with that issue, she also struggles with body dysmorphic issues, past abuse history and my own depression. My sister keeps starting personal fights with my mum and telling her how badly mum is dealing with the situation, how the lack of money is horrible, and how stupidly sad she is being. All this makes things a lot worse. I try so hard to compensate and make mum happy by takings care of the housework, contacting her during the day, and always talking openly. But it doesn't seem enough and I am worried that she is going to break soon and completely melt down. i still have three more years of uni to go, then I will be able to fully financially support the family. But until then, I have no idea what to do. I'm at the point where I feel helpless and don't know how to help. Thank you you very much

Is my husband depressed?

replies: 3

Hi I believe my partner may be suffering from depression. The last 4 years he has been increasingly moody, uncommunicative and withdrawn. I never know what mood he will be in and I am often walking on eggshells. He believes I have turned the kids against him. He is too tough on the kids I think he yells at them as an outlet. I know he hates his job and he has started many projects on the house which remain unfinished which are now weighing on him. He woke up in a terrible mood two days ago. He blamed our 12 year olds insolence for his mood and didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the day not joining for meals or family movie night. This is not an uncommon occurance I often wake wondering what mood he will be in and I am getting tired of it. The next day I took the kids out for the whole day to get away from the atmosphere and when I came home he was gone. No note no explaination just gone. I called no answer I finally got a response to a text saying he left as he didn't want to make us all uncomfortable. Would not say where he was staying his subsequent text contained things about our son disrespecting him and me encouraging it, me looking for greener pastures (none of which is true) I can feel the anger and resentment oozing from him. I was very offended by the text and texted back quite firmly that I believed he needed to see a counsellor that things cannot keep going the way they are and that we just wanted him to be happy and the kids and I loved him. I have spoken to him briefly today. He sounds so angry still. He has made an appointment time apparently for tomorrow for counselling which was fast. He said nothing has changed and there is nothing to talk about when I offered to get the kids looked after. This is clearly not true there is so much to discuss he keeps blaming his job the house the kids me for how he feels but I know it is deeper than that. How do I approach someone who has the attitude of "I am now going to go to counselling I don't want to talk about it" I can't pretend nothing is happening anymore. When he comes home tonight how should I approach him (if he comes home) Thank you for reading

dealing with my PARENTS who suffer from Depression Anxiety and Alcohol abuse

replies: 3

HI,I am 34 and I have only memories of my mum being grumpy, unhappy and always riding my butt. I put it down to me being a "kid" and "Teenager" when I was 13 my Dad had a nervous breakdown where he had 3 months off work, I really had no idea what this was and what it was about, when I was 15 my mum started taking anti depressants and seeing a Psychiatrist. However, over the years nothing change, when I was around 22 my mum discovered wine and lots of it.. this was her out her happy place, she made herself think people would like her more while she was drinking, about 5 years later my Dad started to drink with her, Bourbon, this was more to drown out Mum's nagging, slurring, arguing, and negative talk. This carried on and on, my mum was increasing getting hurt ie. stitches, bruises from falling over and passing out. Her diet when to rubbish, no eating meals at all, just snacking on cheese and tin spagehetti.. Last year we (my 4 kids and husband) moved in with Mum and Dad while we were building, around Sept, I had had enough of watching my parents destroy there lives. I spoke to my GP who is also my parents, and he had alot of concerns more so for my mum and her state of mind. She wasnt seeing a Psychiatrist at this stage. He sent her straight of off to see a new one 2 weeks later mum was admitted into a private hopsital to change medications and detox. However, unfortunately mum was never treated for alcoholism, she was quizzed one night by a nurse as to why she wasnt doing these education sessions and she was horrifed. She came home and had decided that she would get rid of all the wine and only drink at the pub which they would do once or twice a week. Dad didnt know how to deal with a "sober" and very sad mum... she would cry as she thought her marriage was going to break down. My dad didnt stop drinking and within 4 months my mum is back to the same old drinking. My dad needs to have plastic surgery on his nose and has been told he needs to sober up before hand as his liver is shot or he wont be getting the surgery. He hasnt yet. My Mum has 2 brothers who a both very ill with cancer, and she is on the verge of being admitted again.My mum calls every night drunk to ask the same questions, she hardly remebers our conversations. My brothers don't answer her calls so to some of her friends. I feel bad and answer all the time. Some nights I cry others i am angry.. Anyone else in the same situation

Worried sister & Aunty

replies: 2

my sister is a single mum of a 7 yr old & a 3 yr old. She is very depressed & struggling with life.she has told me she is a bad mum & doesn't want to be a mum anymore. She has thoughts of suicide.Her kids go to their dads house every second weekend & when they return to her within a day she's had enough & wants them gone again. When the kids are with their dad they are happy. My sister uses the break to party so when the kids return to her she is even more run down.She is very aggressive with her children & has no tolerance of them. I am worried about her but mostly concerned about my niece & nephew. She won't reach out for help with a gp as she says she has tried everything. But I'm not sure she has tried anything.Im feeling very angry & frustrated about it at times as I think about her babies & how she needs to get help to get well for them. She is miserable. Her kids a miserable. How can you help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

My Brother is suffering with depression and i want to know how to help him, he's closed off from everyone.

replies: 3

My brother is 23 and a carpenter. His girlfriend used to live with us but she is now moving out since his depression and anxiety has become worse. I want to help he get out of this but I'm lost with how to do so. He doesn't want to talk and finds it hard to explain how he feels if he does choose to talk. Work is a big stress for him and I've tried to cut back his hours but sometimes i think work is keeping him sane. He has mentioned suicide attempts and also says life would be easier if he ended it. I'm desperate for help. I want him to be happy again. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Depressed myself, my boyfriend is also depressed and resisting help.

replies: 3

Hi there,I guess I'm looking for any advice about how to handle my current relationship. I have depression and an anxiety disorder which I am managing with a combination of low-dosage medication and a psychologist. I don't have a full handle on it yet - while I'm almost in control of it I feel like I'm balancing on a very fine knife-edge and I still have the occasional black night or day.In the last 18months I've noticed a marked change in my partner's behaviour - we have been together 4 years and while he has always been happy to be alone he has become more isolated from his family, despite them being very close on the surface. On his worst days he has confided to me that he believes everyone would be better off without him, he wants to just disappear etc. - very typical stuff. He flat-out refuses to believe that I could ever have felt what he's feeling, I honestly think he thinks my depression was nothing compared to when he feels bad. He refuses to see a doctor, he hates psychologists after a previous bad experience (unrelated to depression) and is firmly of the 1900's male 'man up' mentality.I desperately want to help him, but I feel that he's constantly holding his despair and panic in, then letting little bits of it escape as bursts of irrational emotion that leave me confused and exhausted, and it's beginning to affect my depression. I can't tell him this or he will immediately shut me out and withdraw, saying that he needs to look after me by keeping it all inside.Any advice would be great as I don't know what to do to look after both of us. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

My mother is distancing herself and I need help.

replies: 2

Hello, This is my first time on one of these, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. I need help in getting my mum back. I am 26 years old with 2 other sisters and we have always been an extremely close family. Especially with my mother. Our parents split when I was only 8 years old and since then it was always the 4 of us. Our mum was/is our hero, and a woman who we have always admired for her strength and the life she always managed to supply for us. My mum always has suffered depression, for as long as I can remember. However the past few years she has gotten severely worse and we are all struggling with what to do for her. She goes weeks without even contacting us, and stays home all day long with no-one to talk too. My eldest sister lives in America, and my youngest sister and I don't live with her. She never comes to family events, and has totally isolated herself from the world. I recently tried to speak with her about her situation and she told me to not speak to her anymore as she is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do to help and that I don't understand. My own mother, the same woman who brought us up as a close knit little foursome, so easily just told me to not talk to her anymore. It breaks my heart at how much she has disappeared and I just want to know if there is anything we can do for her.

Abusive mother, not coping with depression.

replies: 3

My mum has been a single mother for about 10 years, for about the last 5 years she has become more and more abusive. I moved out of home from 16 and my sister 2 years later moved out at the same age, now my brother is threatening leaving for the same reason. She is physically abusive and emotionally toxic; i would like to know how do i go referring her to mental health services, it's that or i consult with police but that would ruin her career. She is suffering from grief as my father died last year and i fear it has exacerbated her existing anxiety disorder, she has loosely been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder meaning she has no insight into her mental health. My mum won't take anything i say seriously as she takes it that its a personal attack and that it's out of my place to speak to her about how she parents. My mum has no known friends and her family all live out of country. I can't afford to support my brother should he leave school, i'm a student who works part time.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Best friend has anxiety replies: 1

partner with depression pushing me away replies: 2

My mum is depressed. Need advice replies: 4

Is my husband depressed? replies: 3

dealing with my PARENTS who suffer from Depression Anxiety and Alcohol abuse replies: 3

Worried sister & Aunty replies: 2

My Brother is suffering with depression and i want to know how to help him, he's closed off from everyone. replies: 3

Depressed myself, my boyfriend is also depressed and resisting help. replies: 3

My mother is distancing herself and I need help. replies: 2

Abusive mother, not coping with depression. replies: 3